trying to enjoy life before ctb?

[VigilanteWithViolin]

Have you ever thought about having a few nice days right before ctb?
I mean, I used to think that a few days before I do this, I will only do what I like: listen to my favorite music, go for a walk, eat my favorite food, smoke, without limiting myself, etc., in order to enjoy life a little before I die.
But right now, I don't think that makes any sense. If I can't enjoy life now, it's obvious that I won't be able to enjoy it in the last few days. So I think I'll just do it someday, without any attempt to enjoy life.
And what about you? Do you just want to do it or are you going to arrange a few days of rest full of your favorite things to "relax" before ctb?

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I have never seen Lord of the Rings, and I'm saving that for my last few days on earth. I'm also waiting to watch a few movies too. I plan on ordering my favourite food as a last meal, and having the best chocolate cheesecake I've ever had. I know I will enjoy my last few days here, because of the fact they are my last. The troubles of life don't seem to be apparent then, and you can just enjoy life.

 

[Traveller12724]

Have you ever thought about having a few nice days right before ctb?
I mean, I used to think that a few days before I do this, I will only do what I like: listen to my favorite music, go for a walk, eat my favorite food, smoke, without limiting myself, etc., in order to enjoy life a little before I die.
But right now, I don't think that makes any sense. If I can't enjoy life now, it's obvious that I won't be able to enjoy it in the last few days. So I think I'll just do it someday, without any attempt to enjoy life.
And what about you? Do you just want to do it or are you going to arrange a few days of rest full of your favorite things to "relax" before ctb?

Ever since I watched that tv show "chasing life", I understood the value and beauty of making it a point to enjoy your last months and last days, and that's exactly what I am doing, I quit my job back in July, made a bucket list and that's what I have been working on while I live off my savings, I've got my ctb method all ready to go, so now I check off the big things on the bucket list every month while I also try to enjoy life daily by doing the things I used to love doing as a kid, things like going on a run in the morning, playing soccer 3 times a week, reading books (I've got a list of books to finish before I go), watching the British soccer league on the weekend, and hiking in the mountains.

I have a few months left and then I am out of this world so why not enjoy my last days, life has been unfair, vicious and cruel to me but my end doesn't have to be, I can make it beautiful and then check outz

 

[over2025]

I haven't finalized a date for CTB, but to me it seems even more pain inducing to enjoy my last days, since it will remind me of the enjoyment I've been robbed from and will never have again.

 

[Santana Idaho]

That's my plan. But it's honestly so hard. I'm trying to change my perspective and deal with my traumatic upbringing, but living with my mother (my primary abuser) makes progress almost impossible. I want to make enough money to travel around the states for a bit before I move on. But I struggle to even work my full hours at my part-time job so that I can save money to do it. I'm too low functioning. Ugh.

 

[LostLily]

That why I don't even want to consider catching the bus till next year because there are some events I want to attend to.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm suffering from severe depression and anhedonia so nothing brings pleasure. When I try listening to my favorite music it just makes me sad. Same with movies, books, museums, or anything else I normally would have enjoyed. So I will probably just do it when I can get up the nerve without trying to enjoy life.

 

[yowai]

I don't know what it's going to be like when I ctb so I'm not making any plans.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't feel in such a way as I just want to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I just find it such a futile and torturous burden to exist and I don't see it as desirable to exist at all and could never do no matter what, to me existing is only suffering and I'd never wish to be conscious of any if this at all, I'd never wish to be burdened with this existence and I have no interest in suffering in this existence. I could never see any point, benefit and value to having to exist rather I see existence as an imposition that I never would have wished for and never would have chosen.

 

[RULE8AM]

When i see posts of people wanting to ctb in like… a day— seemingly in a bad headspace i have to consciously try & not convince them to stay.

I feel like everyone should enjoy life before ctb & stretch it out as much as possible. Especially if ctb is planned. Cuz they'll/we'll be dead so even if debt will be accrued from enjoying life it wont matter.

 

[sunsetting]

Yes yes yes! Might not be the way for some (depression, other issues) but if the ctb finally got you some inner peace then enjoy it before you go.

 

[alienfreak]

I'm suffering from severe depression and anhedonia so nothing brings pleasure. When I try listening to my favorite music it just makes me sad. Same with movies, books, museums, or anything else I normally would have enjoyed. So I will probably just do it when I can get up the nerve without trying to enjoy life.

It's like this for me. I am not able to enjoy anything, consistently, so it doesnt make sense to me to do things i enjoy before ctb. If i could find something enjoyable then i suppose would just do it instead of ctb; why would i ctb if i could enjoy things? I can easily believe it is different for other people and each individual situation is different.

 

[LukaParrot]

I'm doing it right now.

I said to my brain a big "FU*K YOU"!

I'm in a deep depression for a such long time and finding proper method to end my life, paintless as possible without gore is a relief.

I set a date and till there, I'm eating what i used to like, try to enjoy my birds, even try to help some people here that are confusing or enduring a hard time in life. Trying to see some movies, and go out a little, just to walk, sometimes drive to someplace, just to eat some icecream.

I'm not here to judge, just giving my opinion.

Even if i give up at my end date, there is no shame on that, i was just not ready to go. Take easy on yourselfs, even if just for some days, a week, a month. Dont rush, there is no going back. Be 100% sure, after being sure, think again, and again and again. When you have what you need to CTB, it's kinda feels surreal, like you're in command, dont act in a impulse.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm suffering from severe depression and anhedonia so nothing brings pleasure. When I try listening to my favorite music it just makes me sad. Same with movies, books, museums, or anything else I normally would have enjoyed. So I will probably just do it when I can get up the nerve without trying to enjoy life.

I feel the same. Nothing brings me joy anymore only the darkest most profound sadness a human can experience. I'm.a shell of who I once was.

 

[flamingdog]

Yea, the things I used to have a passion for just remind me that I'm empty.

 

[JustHere1]

I maxed out most of my cards to do things I've never been able to do before. I'm saving the last amount for anything I need to purchase to assist with CBT and ordering iced coffee daily. That's my enjoyment while I wait for the right time and method. I am too frustrated and anxious to go so I can't really truly relax and enjoy things, but sometimes I play quick games like pokerogue or watch YouTube to pass the time. I'm hoping to find someone to do psychedelics with at my apartment or something but I don't know anyone in my area (in VA, if you're down for a hangout please let me know!).

 

[pariah80]

That's exactly what I'm doing. I've made it a point to enjoy my last days. I hope you can do the same.

 

[bananaolympus]

Yeah i plan to do a whole lot of things before ctb like if i had terminal cancer and given a year or less to live

 

[bigbang33]

I had this idea of writing a book about exactly that. Person who decided to CTB in a year, and making that year the best year of their life. Because that was exactly my plan. I'm not sure now what my plan is.

No book though. Would've been way too cheesy.

 

[enditplz]

Yeah, I think that's the best way to approach it. You definitely don't want to ctb impulsively and a few days of trying to enjoy life might be enough to change someones mind.

I quit my job 6 months ago and have been living a stress free life free of responsibilities. I've been working through a bucket list of things I've always wanted to do. There are moments of happiness, but at the end of everyday I still feel no value in living. At this point, I know I'm not going to change my mind about wanting to ctb. Just gonna spend whats left of my money, finalize my ctb method, then I'm out.

 

[pointblank]

I had this idea of writing a book about exactly that. Person who decided to CTB in a year, and making that year the best year of their life. Because that was exactly my plan. I'm not sure now what my plan is.

No book though. Would've been way too cheesy.

Nah, I don't think it's cheesy.

 

[thot88]

I'm going to use a lot of opiates when addiction doesn't matter anymore at that point

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Have you ever thought about having a few nice days right before ctb?
I mean, I used to think that a few days before I do this, I will only do what I like: listen to my favorite music, go for a walk, eat my favorite food, smoke, without limiting myself, etc., in order to enjoy life a little before I die.
But right now, I don't think that makes any sense. If I can't enjoy life now, it's obvious that I won't be able to enjoy it in the last few days. So I think I'll just do it someday, without any attempt to enjoy life.
And what about you? Do you just want to do it or are you going to arrange a few days of rest full of your favorite things to "relax" before ctb?

No, don't see the point in that.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

If I were able to enjoy life I would have no reason to end my life.

 

[KillingPain267]

I'd actually love to just get drunk until my liver almost gives up and get high on opioid pills until my bank account goes empty, and then die. But it requires that my suicide method is very very reliable and readily accessible right before I am too weak in body from organ damage to use it.

But then again, what's the point in half a year of pleasure when it all ends anyway? And why take the risk that I could be found and lose my suicide method and tools.

I'm going to use a lot of opiates when addiction doesn't matter anymore at that point

Beware, and make sure you you have your method and day planned. I used opioids for a month thinking I would somehow kill myself very soon when I found a good method. Before that I then I ran out of pills and money to buy more and the withdrawals were literal hell. I ended up having to go to rehab making life even more shameful.

 

[Euthanza]

If you can have fun, have fun today and last day.

I'm trying to have fun as much as I can too, but ended up anhedonia. I just need peaceful vibes on my last days, no need for happiness not sad either, no surprise and most importantly no failure

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

One part of me wants to but the other part thinks maybe it would affect my SI negatively. If I am miserable, it'll be easier to pull the ctb off.