Story Trying so hard

[Idontrecognizemyself]

One of my biggest fixations is not being allowed to do things- shower, speak, get out of bed- as recompense for... basically anything. Specifically lately, thinking "I'm hungry" or even becoming aware of my hunger means I'm not allowed to eat. I know it's silly in my head, and I usually can work past it and eat something every 3 or 4 days, but it's constant and consuming and you know the drill.

I have two lovely roommates who are in similar headspaces to me right now, and while I don't think I'm supposed to be alive most days, I would do ANYTHING to take that feeling away from them. I'm fine and used to that empty hunger but it absolutely wrecks me to see weeks go by without the kitchen getting used, or a completely empty fridge. I genuinely don't know how we're still alive at this point, haha.
This week I've been trying really hard to get up and cook everytime I have that impulse to starve myself as punishment. Not for me, but making sure they eat and stay okay. I cooked 3 big family meals this week, one on Sunday, one last night, )and one just a minute ago and made cute little lunches for them to take to work tomorrow although neither of them are home right now), and we were able to gather at the table and talk to each other. And I even accidentally ate a little bit too, just in making sure things were well cooked. I don't know if I can keep this up but I wanted to let someone know how hard I'm trying. Maybe I'll post pictures if I make anything else, the pasta I made today is so yummy.
This is functionally a vent post I guess but also if you have easy recipes please comment them. I had no cooking culture growing up, it was very much a microwave meals and "fend for yourself, kids" home, so I feel like a loser sometimes learning how to boil pasta for the first time at 22.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Would LOVE to see what you whip up. I myself am going through this (again, second time this year,) and the worst part? I love food. Well, used to. Spent most of my life working as a cook and cooking for myself and others. It brought me so much joy to cook for others and enjoy good food. It really can be a healing thing. Not nowadays though. I do miss it terribly and maybe, just maybe, your enthusiasm for cooking and caring can help me appreciate something I lost that I miss...

 

[motyxia]

I grew up like that too, almost all I ate was granola bars, instant noodles, & stuff I can put in the microwave. Thankfully now I live with my grandmother who makes me food I can eat. But I don't like to burden her, I suck at cooking & limited by conditions, so I've found some stuff I can make myself. So these recipes are really easy since I suck so much.

Pumpkin pie smoothie (Smoothies/shakes in general are really easy to make as long as you have a blender)
Southwest tofu scramble (There's lots of tofu scramble recipes that are easy to make. This is my favourite. If you want even easier & shorter, there's a recipe for a tofu scramble seasoning.)
Tofu egg salad (The nooch/nutritional yeast isn't necessary, I don't use it for this recipe & I think it's still good. You can also use normal mustard, that's what I use.)
Kimchi hummus (I can't make kimchi on my own, I'll leave recipe below though. But hummus is really easy, so is blending hummus & kimchi. This one has a hummus recipe but you can use hummus you already have if you have some.)
Nooch cheese sauce (Many uses)
Overnight oats. There's lots of recipes, they tend to be easy.
Multiple things with aquafaba. Aquafaba is awesome, it means "bean water," it's the liquid in a can of chickpeas or after boiling them. Other beans work too but they can change the flavour & colour of whatever you're making. It might sound weird, but you won't know how awesome it is until you try it. It gets fluffy & can be used for lots of things, some examples are mayo, ice cream*, whipped cream, meringues. It mimics egg whites because of the protein. Very useful, very cheap, don't waste bean water!!!
* This ice cream has a different texture depending on what plantmilk you use, check the comments, it also gets somewhat icy after a bit, still good to me though

If you can cook some big family meals, then you probably can make more than I can/above. So here's some recipes that my grandmother says is easy (but I can't do myself, so can't comment much)

Banana muffins (She uses pecans instead of walnuts)
Pumpkin muffins (These are the best muffins ever)
Carrot muffins (Second best muffins ever, she uses pecans instead of walnuts)
Lentil sloppy joes
Kimchi
Falafel
Domoda
Lentil bolognese
Chickpea & turnip curry

All of these are plant-based. Plants tend to be the cheapest stuff you can buy anywhere, some might have ingredients that where you live you might not be able to find or are expensive, you can probably find substitutes or make your own at home really cheap (example, plantmilks are easy to make at home, very cheap, lots of recipes online).

It's awesome you care so much about your roommates especially when you're struggling yourself. I hope it gets easier to take care of yourself too. Hope you found at least 1 recipe here.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I only learned to cook when i moved to uni by myself. I grew up having my whole family tell me that I was a bad cook and make jokes about how I would never get it. But I cook edible and delicious food every single day. Cooking helps me unwind and feel less homesick.

I like science and doing things in a experimental, procedural way. Being able to do that in a safe space (my usually empty dorm) has allowed me to feel the joy in cooking! No more of my parents staring me down or meddling when I'm trying something out.

definitely keep on cooking, it's a great way to connect with yourself and others. If you're also experimental, it might help to try being creative when you cook. If you taste as you go, it might help you get more calories in as well. maybe if you're focused on the cooking, you might forget about the restriction you put on yourself.

 

[timf]

if you have easy recipes please comment them

Tuna casserole;

1/2 lb noodles boiled with a little salt and drained
1 can tuna
1 can peas
1 can cream of mushroom soup

add butter or cream as desired.

 

[t0rnbetween]

-Tacos or taco salad. There's taco kits with taco shells, seasoning, and sauce. You just have to buy ground meat (or protein of choice) and toppings (lettuce, cheese, sour cream, salsa, etc). Aim for pre-cut if cutting the toppings will be too much to do.
-Rice and beans.
-Buy a rotisserie chicken, heatable potatoes, and frozen or premade veggies from the market.
-There's always frozen pizza, chicken nuggets and fries with frozen veggies (broccoli, string beans) and/or fruit. Not glamorous by any means but these struggle meals have carried me through when I didn't feel like cooking.
-Trail mixes for snacks are filling. Granola (I eat in place of cereal). Jerky. Protein bars. Don't sleep on snacks. If no one cooks, they'll at least hold you over a bit so you don't starve.

Not sure if this is the kind of stuff you're looking for. It's more geared toward what to throw together when you don't feel like cooking over nice recipes.

 

[dospi1]

what you are doing is so sweet C; you are doing great keep it going, as a little tip you reallly dont need to cook complex things the days you dont feel like it, a pasta whit some tomato sauce will do it. your story truly warmed my heart you are doign great C: