ShaeXan
Me and my eternal misery
- Oct 12, 2022
- 4
Hey everyone! I'm new here like i just joined few days back and was scared to say anything, anyways I hope and I wish life to be easy on us!
I'm really sorry for this long ass rant cum story ik nobody asked but i really wanna know opinions.
I've isolated myself for 2 years and 7 months from literally everything and everyone i used to stay in my room all the time no friends no family just me, music and my mind. I used to have hopes and dreams and ambitions and everything that looks "beautiful" in life but I started losing it one by one (ik it was my fault in some, but not always) anyways, as i try to explain my worries to the family the only reply i get was to 'stop overthinking it's not a big deal'. I started a meme page in order to interact with people, know their story and that makes me real sad the pain in this world is inevitable and none of us deserve to go through it. I was always the one on the other side of the screen listening to everyone's story and trying my bit to make them feel better (met couple of them irl too, everyone is so nice)
Things went downhill for me when I was pushed by my family to study medicine just to follow their legacy and when i refuse my life turned real hell, it started with taunts, jokes about my future, bullying and what not, and when I used to cry they're like "Ha ha ha look he's crying, don't be a baby, take this in a fun way, be sporty etc etc" and i tried but when this all keeps happening everyday I just can't anymore. Everyone used to push me off, the friends the family and even my girlfriend left me saying your head is a mess and i don't want a burden in my life, that broke me
It hurts so much when your own family thinks so little of yourself just because your life choices aren't what they had planned for you.
I gave up my dream, started working for my brother, everyday it keeps wrecking everything I had in me, and then one day I lost my dad and had a very traumatic experience with the family I can't even discuss, i got up and locked myself in the room with the thought of slicing up the wrist and end the suffering, I made the first cut and it was painful, i got scared and couldn't proceed but i decided to not to go back there. stayed in my room with minimal food and water now and then. I used to read the threads here about the methods and everything but the thought of doing it scares the hell out of me, I'm gutless, very weak. As of today I lost 17 Kgs of my weight and 100% of my sanity
A week ago I randomly had a chat with stranger, I'll never forget her chats idk who she was but she made me give everything another chance, I enrolled myself for B-School interview and they said I did good and offered me an admission, now I'm hoping to gather as much pieces of life as I can and of things go south i can always kill myself (and I'm pretty sure i have enough guts to do that now)
The problem with me now is I don't have any idea on how to get back considering I haven't had a chat with real person in two years and I'm scared so much to every nerves that i even started stammering. I'll appreciate any input here by you guys!
P.S: I'm new here and i don't exactly know how this all works but My inbox is always open for literally everyone of you who wants someone just to listen to them, vent out and everything.
I'm really sorry for this long ass rant cum story ik nobody asked but i really wanna know opinions.
I've isolated myself for 2 years and 7 months from literally everything and everyone i used to stay in my room all the time no friends no family just me, music and my mind. I used to have hopes and dreams and ambitions and everything that looks "beautiful" in life but I started losing it one by one (ik it was my fault in some, but not always) anyways, as i try to explain my worries to the family the only reply i get was to 'stop overthinking it's not a big deal'. I started a meme page in order to interact with people, know their story and that makes me real sad the pain in this world is inevitable and none of us deserve to go through it. I was always the one on the other side of the screen listening to everyone's story and trying my bit to make them feel better (met couple of them irl too, everyone is so nice)
Things went downhill for me when I was pushed by my family to study medicine just to follow their legacy and when i refuse my life turned real hell, it started with taunts, jokes about my future, bullying and what not, and when I used to cry they're like "Ha ha ha look he's crying, don't be a baby, take this in a fun way, be sporty etc etc" and i tried but when this all keeps happening everyday I just can't anymore. Everyone used to push me off, the friends the family and even my girlfriend left me saying your head is a mess and i don't want a burden in my life, that broke me
It hurts so much when your own family thinks so little of yourself just because your life choices aren't what they had planned for you.
I gave up my dream, started working for my brother, everyday it keeps wrecking everything I had in me, and then one day I lost my dad and had a very traumatic experience with the family I can't even discuss, i got up and locked myself in the room with the thought of slicing up the wrist and end the suffering, I made the first cut and it was painful, i got scared and couldn't proceed but i decided to not to go back there. stayed in my room with minimal food and water now and then. I used to read the threads here about the methods and everything but the thought of doing it scares the hell out of me, I'm gutless, very weak. As of today I lost 17 Kgs of my weight and 100% of my sanity
A week ago I randomly had a chat with stranger, I'll never forget her chats idk who she was but she made me give everything another chance, I enrolled myself for B-School interview and they said I did good and offered me an admission, now I'm hoping to gather as much pieces of life as I can and of things go south i can always kill myself (and I'm pretty sure i have enough guts to do that now)
The problem with me now is I don't have any idea on how to get back considering I haven't had a chat with real person in two years and I'm scared so much to every nerves that i even started stammering. I'll appreciate any input here by you guys!
P.S: I'm new here and i don't exactly know how this all works but My inbox is always open for literally everyone of you who wants someone just to listen to them, vent out and everything.
