Trying again after dozens of failures

[woundedanimal]

Hi there, relatively new member but long term lurker. I'm 28 years old and I've been living with a severe seizure disorder and a spinal cord injury for 18 years. I was told that I wouldn't walk again after it, but I can, though everything is extremely painful all the time, and that I would be dead by 18, despite that clearly not being the case. I've been temporarily paralyzed twice, each time needing to learn to walk again, I've had countless concussions and injuries, I've had pneumonia three times, I can't function independently, and I attempted to speed that expiration date up to be done with the horrible debilitating pain several times now. I have tried...
Cutting/ensanguinarion
Hanging
Overdose (insulin, sleeping meds, pain meds, opiates, and more)
Exit bag
Starvation
Dehydration
Choking
Alcohol poisoning
Jumping out of a moving car
Getting purposely hit with a car twice
Not taking my seizure meds to see if they'll kill me
Laying down in snow to try to freeze to death

I've tried most of these multiple times. At this point, if I was Canadian, I would be allowed euthanasia, but I'm American so not wanting to be constantly in pain and crippled after 18 years of pain isn't understood for some reason. I just want to be free.

I don't have access to firearms and my motor skills are kinda limited because of my physical disabilities. I kind of want to hang myself because that's how my best friend ended up going wherever we were teenagers after her struggles with chronic pain and disabilities but I don't know how to do so as an overweight and physically physically disabled person.

I just don't want to make my situation worse if I fail. I don't want more pain. I just want to be free from this constant pain.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

I don't want to give anyone advice on how to die, but it seems like you're at plan Z. Sorry to hear about how things are.
A lot of methods sound like they've become complicated due to motor skills and weight.
Cutting femoral artery might be difficult to get to.

Instead of hanging, piano wire can be used for decapitation, but it can be difficult to handle.

If you can get a smaller bottle of gas from a welding shop. Preferably Nitrogen. Hydrogen is cheap too. a regulator, a plastic bag with a seal or a face mask with hose attachment. you should be good to go. Could check for used scuba equipment. Not sure about your motor skills if you're able to open gas flow or carry a tank. I don't see why a canister of butane or propane wouldn't work

you could get a gun, but DIY potato gun can be pretty lethal too. Not sure about your motor skills for a diy project.

There's explosives. Tannerite or Fireworks against the side of the head or in mouth. Using a steel pot and rope could help shape the charge if you're really worried.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really disgusting how we exist in this hellish anti-suicide society where many humans wish to prolong suffering no matter what. It sounds so horrible what you've been through, I absolutely despise how we cannot just easily have the option to easily cease existing in peace. But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your pain.

 

[woundedanimal]

I don't want to give anyone advice on how to die, but it seems like you're at plan Z. Sorry to hear about how things are.
A lot of methods sound like they've become complicated due to motor skills and weight.
Cutting femoral artery might be difficult to get to.

Instead of hanging, piano wire can be used for decapitation, but it can be difficult to handle.

If you can get a smaller bottle of gas from a welding shop. Preferably Nitrogen. Hydrogen is cheap too. a regulator, a plastic bag with a seal or a face mask with hose attachment. you should be good to go. Could check for used scuba equipment. Not sure about your motor skills if you're able to open gas flow or carry a tank. I don't see why a canister of butane or propane wouldn't work

you could get a gun, but DIY potato gun can be pretty lethal too. Not sure about your motor skills for a diy project.

There's explosives. Tannerite or Fireworks against the side of the head or in mouth. Using a steel pot and rope could help shape the charge if you're really worried.

I almost got there by cutting my arms a few years ago but I damaged my nerves and muscles in my wrists as a result and my cat found the razor blade I used and hurt himself so I'm hesitant to try that again.

I've tried an exit bag with butane before but it didn't work. Might consider again.

I have no access to the stuff to make a potato gun.

I have a stepbrother who blew himself up with fireworks and survived and I'm not willing to try that.

Might try a belt tbh.

It's really disgusting how we exist in this hellish anti-suicide society where many humans wish to prolong suffering no matter what. It sounds so horrible what you've been through, I absolutely despise how we cannot just easily have the option to easily cease existing in peace. But anyway I hope that you eventually find freedom from your pain.

Yeah, I'm just really tired of being treated like I'm psychotic and delusional and extremely depressed when I talk about it because I don't think it's illogical in my situation. Like, just because I relearned how to walk (or, shuffle with my cane) and I don't need a wheelchair anymore doesn't mean that my disabilities aren't debilitating enough to deserve mercy. I haven't been happy in over a decade and there's literally no hope. I don't want to wait until I get pneumonia again or have a 9th concussion from my seizures. I just want to be free.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Why are you considered psychotic and delusional?

How did you setup the exit bag? If you did it in a bath, you could get a water seal. Just need to find a way to get bottom of bag to stay underwater. Possibly could just use a bit of hose from inside to outside.