True or False???

[Rezzienator]

I heard on tv a few people discuss why they stayed with their cheating mate for the usual reasons. Fear of loneliness, insecurities, self esteem issues, not thinking that they can do any better, history, comfortability, keeping up appearances, not wanting to tell and be judged by family and friends etc.

One person said that she believes all people will cheat eventually, because it's unrealistic to think that relationships, and people will stay the same forever. People grow apart, life changes for each person individually, the attraction and intimacy may be lost or losses its zest with age and/or time. Connection is lost sometimes, you lose the ability to relate to one another..in other words life just happens and its unpredictable. Feelings change. People change. Life paths changes.

One told that she doesn't believe monogamy is "natural " and biologically embedded in us. We aren't monogamous creatures. Also one person isn't capable of fulfilling all needs and spaces , or anyone's needs. Variety in all aspects of life is the spice. Connections with others need to be had for completion . We aren't meant to only have one strong connection with one person for the rest of our lives. We are met to have and experience different connections with the world and the people in it. To experience life, and to experience the world we are supposed to establish and experience all different connections with many people. People who help us grow and become closer to ourselves. It is unrealistic to think that someone will only talk to you, and only find you interesting for the rest of their lives. Everyone will feel this way eventually.

All People will outgrow each other.



All People will seek and/or pine for other connections with other people. All people will experience this, whether you think that you wont or in denial about it...another said. There is no "the one" or one person







I think that it's true.



What do you think?

 

[GentleJerk]

My grandparent's seemed like the perfect couple, they got married to each other at a young age without any prior love interests, and happily stayed together for their whole lives without straying... Still deeply in love even until my grandfather passed away. But tbh I don't think anyone would know if either of them did stray at some point, or ever had other relations out of wedlock.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

This is an interesting thought. I wouldn't say that 100% of people in relationships will cheat, for various reasons. What is probably very true is that being passionately in love with "the one" forever is a fantasy. The secret to the rare happy couples that stay together for decades without growing to resent each other isn't being madly in love for life, it's just being compatible as platonic partners to an extent where they would still find each other interesting and a good company even if all sexual and romantic feelings eventually dissipate. It is possible to be good friends for life, and in that case people might never cheat out of moral conviction even if they want to, or they might not even want to because they are not too interested in romance and/or hooking up in the first place.

 

[Nolan96]

Turning love and sex into just another off-the-rack shopping experience sounds pretty miserable to me.

I hope true love can still exist in our sickly era where people are so afraid of anything real or committed.

 

[motel rooms]

This is an interesting thought. I wouldn't say that 100% of people in relationships will cheat, for various reasons. What is probably very true is that being passionately in love with "the one" forever is a fantasy. The secret to the rare happy couples that stay together for decades without growing to resent each other isn't being madly in love for life, it's just being compatible as platonic partners to an extent where they would still find each other interesting and a good company even if all sexual and romantic feelings eventually dissipate. It is possible to be good friends for life, and in that case people might never cheat out of moral conviction even if they want to, or they might not even want to because they are not too interested in romance and/or hooking up in the first place.

Of course nobody can be madly in love with another person forever, passion necessarily fades. What matters is a deeper kind of bond. Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I believe that some open marriages can work; it's possible to remain committed to someone for life even if one or both of you occasionally have casual sex with other people.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

She told that she doesn't believe monogamy is "natural " and biologically embedded in us. We aren't monogamous creatures.

I think this is a fact, and it's fairly easy to prove: we are anything but monogamous.

people cheated even when there were living in places where there was death penalty for those who do that, they riskied their carreer, their reputation, their finances and even their own lives.

there are many studies on this and you'll find if you search for it. even on birds.

I'm aware researches have discovered that some birds that were thought to be monogamous, actually aren't.
the female offspring from these birds is often not from the official and social male, but rather also from other males that happened to be nearby and copulate with the female.
it was very interesting discovery.
it's thought to be an evolutionary advantage, as it produces more genetic variability and thus more chances for the offspring to survive.

it's true, we are not monogamous.

however, I think lying and deceiving people is still wrong. it's unethical.
you could very well be, instead, in an ethical, secure "open" or polyamorous relationship (polyamory), with zero need to lie to somebody you say you love.
that would be extremely more ethical than lying, cheating and wasting other person's time.
i.e. they may have denied themselves many good sexual and romantic experiences while they were on the "monogamous" relationship, just to have their partner having fun secretly while they deprive themselves? this is unfair and shows a lack of empathy.

if you know that you're gonna cheat or that you may have your sexual or emotional needs better met by more than one person, why not just try polyamory? may be harder, may need more dialogue and maturity, but the challenges may be well worth it in the end.

I did. I tried polyamory, and…

Spoiler

it's incredible.
10/10 would do that again.

 

[Kristicide]

I've never cheated in any of my relationships. Although I've been cheated on. It's hard to keep that initial excitement going for the rest of your life with 1 person. Eventually that person annoys you. It's why I never married - I knew one day I'd regret it and I didn't want to be trapped or get a divorce.

 

[motel rooms]

if you know that you're gonna cheat or that you may have your sexual or emotional needs better met by more than one person, why not just try polyamory? may be harder, may need more dialogue and maturity, but the challenges may be well worth it in the end.

Polyamory sounds incredibly complicated to me. Human beings are quite insecure & jealous.

 

[LastFlowers]

I heard on tv a few people discuss why they stayed with their cheating mate for the usual reasons. Fear of loneliness, insecurities, self esteem issues, not thinking that they can do any better, history, comfortability, keeping up appearances, not wanting to tell and be judged by family and friends etc.

One person said that she believes all people will cheat eventually, because it's unrealistic to think that relationships, and people will stay the same forever. People grow apart, life changes for each person individually, the attraction and intimacy may be lost or losses its zest with age and/or time. Connection is lost sometimes, you lose the ability to relate to one another..in other words life just happens and its unpredictable. Feelings change. People change. Life paths changes.

One told that she doesn't believe monogamy is "natural " and biologically embedded in us. We aren't monogamous creatures. Also one person isn't capable of fulfilling all needs and spaces , or anyone's needs. Variety in all aspects of life is the spice. Connections with others need to be had for completion . We aren't meant to only have one strong connection with one person for the rest of our lives. We are met to have and experience different connections with the world and the people in it. To experience life, and to experience the world we are supposed to establish and experience all different connections with many people. People who help us grow and become closer to ourselves. It is unrealistic to think that someone will only talk to you, and only find you interesting for the rest of their lives. Everyone will feel this way eventually.

All People will outgrow each other.



All People will seek and/or pine for other connections with other people. All people will experience this, whether you think that you wont or in denial about it...another said. There is no "the one" or one person







I think that it's true.



What do you think?

I know it to be true, but it doesn't necessarily mean we (as in human beings) have to make those other strong connections with another romantic/sexual interest, we could simply stop putting one type of relationship on a pedestal, at the cost of all others.
Platonic, familial, etc..if different types of relationships had as much emphasis afforded to them and were not diminished once an individual enters into a monogamous romantic relationship, then perhaps each side of certain couples would have a much more balanced connection to the world/other people, therefore achieving relative fulfillment and a wide breadth to exist.
Most people are "emotionally cheating" constantly because they put all of their eggs into one basket, either meshing with their partner to the point where they are no longer themselves-but some godforsaken entity of extreme codependence OR they're perpetually drifting away, even if only to desperately search for something that is missing and people who will appreciate the sides of themselves buried or not yet permitted to flourish.

Of course this does not account for changes over time and developing a complete disinterest, or even hostile disregard for someone you're close to.
Love is conditional, and sometimes it should be (outside of that from a parent to a child, but we all know those relationships aren't often any less conditional than the rest), sometimes it shouldn't be.
Romantic relationships are the most conditional of all, especially when they're not going the other direction-where it's just about the initial attraction and then "deciding" to love every other part of the person (patently ridiculous and nothing to be proud of).

ex.) If I like something about someone, say, that they are compassionate, then if that compassion eradicates itself, that's one less thing to love, and one more thing to hate and struggle against.
I shouldn't have to continue loving this person unless I am wholly responsible for their existence in this world, or I see valid reasoning in why that trait has dwindled and erased itself-if that somehow takes precedence and/or it can be resolved.
In this example, if you stayed, despite these types of changes building up, eventually your whole connection would be based on vowing to "love" a glob of flesh and bone which may act and think in any manner which may please or displease you, neither mattering much more than the other.
Therefore you wouldn't really be loving anything at all, just choosing to "love" an amorphous nothing.

 

[Rezzienator]

I read this today:



"Theres no such thing as cheating. Humans were never biologically, chemically, and genetically engineered to be monogamous. The ideas and implications of monogamy, a true love, being in love, a love forever, existing etc...are based on societal, religious, pressures and implications. These things are pushed at us since birth as things to strive for. Things we should do and believe. We were truly wild, uninhibited, free,creatures, until something made us domesticated, restrained and oppressed us. We were brainwashed enough to pass these "teachings" along for centuries and decades, and we haven't stopped. We are produced and engineered to have multiple partners and establish multiple connections in order to evolve, thrive and survive. We cannot simply experience that with one person."

This is an interesting thought. I wouldn't say that 100% of people in relationships will cheat, for various reasons. What is probably very true is that being passionately in love with "the one" forever is a fantasy. The secret to the rare happy couples that stay together for decades without growing to resent each other isn't being madly in love for life, it's just being compatible as platonic partners to an extent where they would still find each other interesting and a good company even if all sexual and romantic feelings eventually dissipate. It is possible to be good friends for life, and in that case people might never cheat out of moral conviction even if they want to, or they might not even want to because they are not too interested in romance and/or hooking up in the first place.

I think people stay together for long are only compatible in their loneliness, fear of loneliness, insecurities about themselves, so they settle for one another. Most people settle because society teaches you to have a mate by a certain age or be ostracized and shunned, perhaps exiled and not be seen as a viable community member. What is expected as a human being by society is to have settle down, get married, have kids, stay together.
This has been pushed since the beginning of time or close to it.


Most people stay together because they're settling. They're comfortable, not compatible because of the longevity of the relationship. They've grown accustomed to the dynamics of the relationship, mannerisms, behaviors and actions of that other person. They probably have established relationships with the other persons family and friends, they're accustomed to the toxicity and perhaps their own unhappiness and have chosen comfortability over happiness. People don't want to get to know another person on that level. They don't want to have to learn another person. Some stay because the idea that possibly loneliness is frightening. Some stay for financial reasons, some stay because of insecurities. They don't feel like they can get someone else for whatever reasons, some stay because of pressure by society, including family and friends. Some stay because of not wanting to explain the breakup to family, they feel like a failure, some stay because they are deeply invested in the relationship and they're too deep into it, they feel obligated, like some people are just too deep in it to leave, if they leave they would be just as unhappy and perhaps not be able to make it on their own. ..etc..

Love is rarely the reason people stay together.

 

[user_name_here]

I think some people stay with cheating partners because their sense of self-worth is falsely attributed to their partner and they envision a life without them as a downgrade.