6000qqq
Member
- May 13, 2019
- 24
Last time I seriously considered ending it all, I made the hard decision to give life one last chance, but I can confidently say it wasn't worth it. My god it wasn't worth. Not only did that call of death never leave, but that feeling of never being enough, never being GOOD enough, both for me and everybody around me, never eased up. I'm incredibly unhappy and I'd give anything, even my life, for a chance at being truly contempt with how things are.
I am struggling a lot right now. I've been struggling the majority of my life with mental illness and unfortunately all I can do is try and cope. At most I can hope it temporarily eases up, but it'll never leave me alone. Knowing my mind will always work against me in some way and having to go out of my way to make it just a bit bearable to live with is exhausting and I don't want to do it anymore.
I've put everything I had into trying to reach a place in my mind where I don't need to constantly distract myself from myself to be okay, but the mental torture is relentless and I don't want to continue to watch my life pass me by from a third person perspective in hopes that, someday, I'll want to take the wheel and live life to the fullest. But even still, let's say things did get better, I don't think I'd want to continue this life I'm living. I don't like how to world operates, and I don't want to be apart of the things going on around me.
My mind is mean. I genuinely view myself as this horrible, disgusting person that's done nothing but make the world an even worse place than it already is. I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I've always tried to be the best person I can be, but it feels like I'm living in my own personal version of hell. I want nothing more than to break free from this prison I call my mind and body. I never feel comfortable being myself; it's as if I wasn't meant to be like this and it's suffocating. True freedom seems like a joke.
If I'm being honest here, I don't I want to try and get better anymore. I mean, I'd love to be happy, but I don't want to continue to just hope things will improve. we can't predict the future, so who knows what my life has in store for me, but as of now I don't care about the what could be. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to see who I'll become because that'll mean I have to continue my existence for something that might not be worth it. In other words, It's a gamble I don't want to take.
I believe the world is full of beautiful things, but they don't phase me. I don't like the world I live in and I don't like being myself. I can confidently say I don't think any type of change could happen that would make me want to be here.
Sorry for the rant. Right now, I'm torn between choosing life or death, and it doesn't feel too good. Both of the choices I have been given aren't desirable- I wish there was another option I could choose.
I am struggling a lot right now. I've been struggling the majority of my life with mental illness and unfortunately all I can do is try and cope. At most I can hope it temporarily eases up, but it'll never leave me alone. Knowing my mind will always work against me in some way and having to go out of my way to make it just a bit bearable to live with is exhausting and I don't want to do it anymore.
I've put everything I had into trying to reach a place in my mind where I don't need to constantly distract myself from myself to be okay, but the mental torture is relentless and I don't want to continue to watch my life pass me by from a third person perspective in hopes that, someday, I'll want to take the wheel and live life to the fullest. But even still, let's say things did get better, I don't think I'd want to continue this life I'm living. I don't like how to world operates, and I don't want to be apart of the things going on around me.
My mind is mean. I genuinely view myself as this horrible, disgusting person that's done nothing but make the world an even worse place than it already is. I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I've always tried to be the best person I can be, but it feels like I'm living in my own personal version of hell. I want nothing more than to break free from this prison I call my mind and body. I never feel comfortable being myself; it's as if I wasn't meant to be like this and it's suffocating. True freedom seems like a joke.
If I'm being honest here, I don't I want to try and get better anymore. I mean, I'd love to be happy, but I don't want to continue to just hope things will improve. we can't predict the future, so who knows what my life has in store for me, but as of now I don't care about the what could be. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to see who I'll become because that'll mean I have to continue my existence for something that might not be worth it. In other words, It's a gamble I don't want to take.
I believe the world is full of beautiful things, but they don't phase me. I don't like the world I live in and I don't like being myself. I can confidently say I don't think any type of change could happen that would make me want to be here.
Sorry for the rant. Right now, I'm torn between choosing life or death, and it doesn't feel too good. Both of the choices I have been given aren't desirable- I wish there was another option I could choose.
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