Venting Triggering friends/family who have lost someone to CTB

[pinkbluebutch]

One of the biggest things holding me back from CTB right now is the knowledge that I have a friend who had a family member CTB and I would rather not cause them more trauma. I don't know what the appropriate thing is to do in this situation, because I would like the autonomy to decide when to end my own life but I recognize that my actions will have consequences for others. I'm also scared because I've heard one suicide often leads others to attempt, and I have a younger brother with depression who is recovering now, and I don't want to put him down a bad way since he is genuinely happy with his life now. How do people get over the guilt of who they're leaving behind in these situations? I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should slowly ghost all of my friends so they won't even know when it happens and if they do somehow find out they'll know it's not their fault, but I can't tell if that would be a different kind of cruel.

Is there a way to CTB without a ripple effect or hurting everyone around you?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

One of the biggest things holding me back from CTB right now is the knowledge that I have a friend who had a family member CTB and I would rather not cause them more trauma. I don't know what the appropriate thing is to do in this situation, because I would like the autonomy to decide when to end my own life but I recognize that my actions will have consequences for others. I'm also scared because I've heard one suicide often leads others to attempt, and I have a younger brother with depression who is recovering now, and I don't want to put him down a bad way since he is genuinely happy with his life now. How do people get over the guilt of who they're leaving behind in these situations? I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should slowly ghost all of my friends so they won't even know when it happens and if they do somehow find out they'll know it's not their fault, but I can't tell if that would be a different kind of cruel.

Is there a way to CTB without a ripple effect or hurting everyone around you?

No ofc not. They're going to hurt regardless if you keep telling them in your suicide note it's not their fault. Emotion conquers all.

 

[Grav]

Probably no way to not hurt the ones who care, those who don't really care will get over it. It is a factor in my decision to ctb.

 

[pinkbluebutch]

No ofc not. They're going to hurt regardless if you keep telling them in your suicide note it's not their fault. Emotion conquers all.

What do you think is the best way to go about it then, should one avoid connecting with people when they have a plan to CTB, or is it not their responsibility to care for the reactions others will have?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

What do you think is the best way to go about it then, should one avoid connecting with people when they have a plan to CTB, or is it not their responsibility to care for the reactions others will have?

I don't really know. It's one reason I haven't CTB'd yet. I was suppose to a few days ago, but I could not bring myself to do it. I'm sorry we are both at this point.

 

[pinkbluebutch]

It is hard, and I'm sorry you're struggling with the same problem. My thought has been to let the relationships come to whatever natural conclusion they will, not going out of my way to save or destroy them and acting the way I always do, while also not making new friendships, and whenever the current ones go that's when I'll CTB with minimal emotional damage to others. Then again, it's hard to keep waiting it out when everything else in life is such a hurdle, and I can't decide if it's fair or smart to put that much weight on interpersonal relationships.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's something a lot of us are struggling with. I really don't think I could do it to my Dad. I'm really only hanging on for him. I feel like after he goes, I will be free.

Most of my friendships are hanging on by a thread now. I guess I'm trying to let them drift as much as possible plus- trying not to make any new connections. Still, it's easier for me because I live 100's of miles away from my closest friends and relatives. The one person who keeps in touch regularly has been suicidal themselves and others know I have struggled with ideation since childhood- so- at least it shouldn't be a complete shock.

It's a very tough situation for you to be in and I'm so sorry. I think it's a very personal thing really- I don't think people who CTB leaving loved ones behind loved them any less. They just got to the point where they couldn't take it anymore. I guess we all only really know when we know- if that makes sense. Personally, I HOPE I can last out for my Dad but I suppose it's not impossible that things reach a totally intolerable point.

I think it's only natural to feel a responsibility to other people when we love and care about them. We don't want our actions to hurt them. Still- I would also say that (excepting the relationship of parents to their children- I do feel it is a choice to bring life into the world and there ought to be some responsibility there) we don't actually have a responsibility towards each other. We were born without our consent and people naturally come in and out of our lives.

The real tragedy is that suicide is seen by some as a selfish act yet those same people don't see how selfish it is to cling on to someone who is suffering every single day. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better but I'm afraid I don't. All I can say is that you're not alone in feeling like this- although I doubt that helps much. I'm sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a difficult situation to be in and I don't really think that there's much that can be done to make others suffer less. But the way that I see it, grief and loss are simply an inevitable part of life, eventually we will all lose everything and die and there is nothing that we can do about this. If we were to leave this world others reactions would simply not be our problem as we won't be there at that point, and anyway when to leave this world is our personal decision and I do believe that nobody should feel like they are forced to suffer only for the sake of others. While someone choosing to exit this world can affect others, it isn't as though any of us asked for this life in the first place anyway.