Trigger Warning: Sometimes I feel like a failure for no reporting my sexual assaulter to the police

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I was assaulted on my college campus about a year ago. I had saved messages and reported the assault to my school, who did nothing. At the time, I was not educated enough about how to deal with sexual abuse. That its smart to always go to the police and make a report there as many institutions care more about their reputation than the people. So., I ask kindly whoever chooses to comment to not to shame me for what I did. It wasn't the best choice but I did what I thought was right. Since making the report with my school, this individual never spoke ot me or interacted with me as I continued my studies. I managed to get good grades and create new healthy friendships. Though, considering that I will be graduating soon, a part of me wishes I did more. Very likely this individual may hurt other people/has already hurt people before and I could do justice in reporting. Yet at the same time I don't feel confident and mentally healthy to deal with going to the police and it brings anxiety. I feel bad for not doing more, even though I want to.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think it's entirely your choice. It's you who was assaulted. So many cases get sidelined by the police and it must be a massive thing to come forward. Your safety is the most important thing to you, so if that precludes you reporting, then it is what it is. We all have our limits and it serves no one to hold ourselves to someone else's limits. Nothing is perfect and all choices have positive and negative consequences. Choose. Accept. Move on, if you can.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

It is really hard to file a report - lots of people struggle. I know someone who never went to the police. It is already so much to handle having gone through it.

I am in a situation where I am being bullied at the moment, and that is hard fo me to report or fight - because it is so emotional to face it. Going through this has made me realise how much harder it must be to report sexual assault when you are already going through so much.

Your school frankly stinks for doing nothing. For shame on them. It's disgusting.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My opinions, none of them shaming...

You're not responsible for saving other people, you're responsible for you.

If you do go to the police, it could be a good experience, or it could add to any negative feelings you already have. Most times, it's just more of a fight, only now against the ones who are supposed to stop perpetrators, not perpetrate more harm. It can be a good experience to get even stronger in spite of the challenges or bullshit they may bring, or it can just be too much.

Either way, you had an experience you didn't ask for, and going forward, it's your choice what to do about it for your own self. There's nothing weak about not wanting to deal with even more negativity. You did a powerful thing to go to the school, it's on them that they didn't do the right thing to protect other students. It's also powerful that you were considering or have begun the process to make a space for other students to talk about such experiences, as you mentioned in a previous thread.

 

[ecmnesia]

same. even if I tried for a hundred years I could not find the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am that you had to deal with this assault and also carry the heavy burden of feeling ashamed for not seeking justice.

I know where you come from, and I can understand why you did what you did, and that even tho it seems obvious today, that you should have done something, you didn't. I'm not saying this to shame you, no, in fact I did the same.

I myself was a victim too. First time, it was my cousin, I was 10 and could barely understand what it meant. It took me a year to realize that I was being sexually abused. 11 years has passed and I never mentioned this to my parents, who now can't understand the hate I nurture for him, since his the perfect child in the family, and my parents and brothers love him. I had multiple chances to expose him and I couldn't, I could not once confront him.

Second time, it was a strange man, but I knew where he worked, I had the messages, I had his number (before anyone judge me, he forced me to give him my phone and checked before I left), knew his name and personal social media profiles. I could have gone after him, but I didn't, and now I feel extremely guilty, cause I had everything to go against him back then, and did nothing. Now, that I'm older and want to, I can't, cause I lost all the data (it's been 7 years).

It's not your fault. You are not responsible for any of this, and it's not up to you to save anyone. It's already extremely hard for one to save themselves. It's totally normal, and more frequent, than you can imagine. Victims rarely seek the authorities, there is the trauma, the shame, the possible retaliation, possibly being disregarded, being dismissed, being mistreated. It's not easy to condemn a man for this kind of crime and it's an extremely painful process, since it makes you relive the incident multiple times.

I'm really sorry. Hope you can heal someday.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I think it's entirely your choice. It's you who was assaulted. So many cases get sidelined by the police and it must be a massive thing to come forward. Your safety is the most important thing to you, so if that precludes you reporting, then it is what it is. We all have our limits and it serves no one to hold ourselves to someone else's limits. Nothing is perfect and all choices have positive and negative consequences. Choose. Accept. Move on, if you can.

Thank you for the beautiful advice. Tbh, I want that fucker to be put behind bars. Though that might not even happen. I figure I'll call RAINN within the week and just ask questions

My opinions, none of them shaming...

You're not responsible for saving other people, you're responsible for you.

If you do go to the police, it could be a good experience, or it could add to any negative feelings you already have. Most times, it's just more of a fight, only now against the ones who are supposed to stop perpetrators, not perpetrate more harm. It can be a good experience to get even stronger in spite of the challenges or bullshit they may bring, or it can just be too much.

Either way, you had an experience you didn't ask for, and going forward, it's your choice what to do about it for your own self. There's nothing weak about not wanting to deal with even more negativity. You did a powerful thing to go to the school, it's on them that they didn't do the right thing to protect other students. It's also powerful that you were considering or have begun the process to make a space for other students to talk about such experiences, as you mentioned in a previous thread.

Yes! I made a reddit page for college abuse/trauma