Venting Trigger warning: self harm

[madbananas]

My whole body and head are killing me. Been feeling so trapped in this life I've had another distress episode where it has gotten too much that I've thrown myself against walls and put my knees and elbows through my doors in my home. Also been rattling my head against walls. It's never been this bad before. Typically I'm someone who would cry and cry and self harm with cutting on my legs. But because I'm in a position where I feel completely emotionally and physically trapped, it's like actual torture. I've completely regressed back to childhood.
that's me just burned myself out now.

 

[Sakura94]

Listening to a lot of Death metal and throwing myself into art got me through that stage. The art was bad lol.
It might help.

 

[madbananas]

Listening to a lot of Death metal and throwing myself into art got me through that stage. The art was bad lol.
It might help.

Thank you. It feels like I'm in hell right now and has been like that since early this year when I was traumatised to the hills lol. Have never listened to death metal before I'll need to give it a shot.

 

[waterstrider]

I selfharmed by hitting/cutting/starving myself for a long time. So I feel you.
I started going to the gym (pre Corona) and took some kickboxing classes.
That helped a lot. Also my stress ball, screaming into the forest and hitting pillows are good alternatives.
But sometimes selfharm is the only way to release some of those bottled up emotions. Hope you feel better somehow

 

[jessica22]

I feel your pain and I'm here if you want somebody to talk to. Stay safe.

 

[madbananas]

I selfharmed by hitting/cutting/starving myself for a long time. So I feel you.
I started going to the gym (pre Corona) and took some kickboxing classes.
That helped a lot. Also my stress ball, screaming into the forest and hitting pillows are good alternatives.
But sometimes selfharm is the only way to release some of those bottled up emotions. Hope you feel better somehow

Kickboxing sounds amazing. So does screaming but I do that anyway sadly and it's humiliating because the neighbours probably hear.
That's literally it. Bottled up emotions, having absolutely no control over a situation which resembles a traumatising situation when I was a child. I feel like the episodes are getting closer and closer together so hopefully it's a sign I might be able to ctb soon. Because I can't go through another one of these episodes it's hell.

 

[Sakura94]

Thank you. It feels like I'm in hell right now and has been like that since early this year when I was traumatised to the hills lol. Have never listened to death metal before I'll need to give it a shot.

I found the death metal band Autopsy useful. I used to do a lot of running to them. Self harm is a lot to do with adrenaline I think. Someone with better knowledge on medical matters can probably explain but it's better repurposed to something else.

 

[madbananas]

I feel your pain and I'm here if you want somebody to talk to. Stay safe.

Thank you Jessica22 and sorry you feel it too. If I had a worst enemy, i wouldn't even wish it on them. Hugs

 

[ecmnesia]

i am sorry you are dealing with this. can't say i am over self harm, but one thing that helped me was the ice thing, usually i hold the cubes until it gets unbearable or numb, it's not nearly as good as slicing my skin, but it can calm me a little.

risking to be called out as crazy, sinking my head under cold water contained in a bucket or so, also helps. once again, not as good but less brutal than banging your head on the walls.

sorry for not having something better to recommend. hope you get better, i know this is hell.

 

[madbananas]

i am sorry you are dealing with this. can't say i am over self harm, but one thing that helped me was the ice thing, usually i hold the cubes until it gets unbearable or numb, it's not nearly as good as slicing my skin, but it can calm me a little.

risking to be called out as crazy, sinking my head under cold water contained in a bucket or so, also helps. once again, not as good but less brutal than banging your head on the walls.

sorry for not having something better to recommend. hope you get better, i know this is hell.

No that's great thank you. It's the amount of energy that comes over me because I feel so trapped chronically and it's like I'm possessed. Sorry you feel the hell too, it's unbearable and no one deserves it.

 

[signifying nothing]

Did you ever try that thing where you tense up all your muscles in your body as hard as you can and then slowly release? Helped me in similar times where I think part of the problem is just feeling yourself in your body, not so much because you're numb but like you're made of steel or something.