Venting Trauma Cop

[GideonVandaleur]

People who aren't massively traumatized often have unhelpful advice for people who are. They want to fix what they don't understand. It's hard to know what to do about one's own trauma and it's even harder when you are being pummeled about the head with very hot tips for how to get on with your day. I feel it has taken me way too long to truly marvel at just how damaged I am and that this over seemingly endless time has caused even more rips and tears in my life. When people suggest I should have a great attitude and just get on with it, I tend to sympathize with terrorists. Normal people are a curse.

Normal people tend to overrate their own uniqueness and downplay the suffering of others. I mean, that's what it looks like to me, but maybe setting myself apart from "normal" people doesn't help my case. Maybe I should simply focus on the trauma and get as far away as I can from any mythologizing or romanticizing about how special it makes me.

Any attempt to describe one's own suffering will be met with unhelpful bullshit. A while back I mentioned to a much younger person that when I was a child it was still very legal for parents and teachers to hit kids. I don't know what the person I was speaking with heard, because their reaction was to challenge me about whether I thought it was okay to hit kids. That's a fairly extreme example of the intense lack of empathy I can experience as I use words to make sense of the world and our lives in it.

I am increasingly of the view that I must talk about my trauma on a fairly regular basis or simply slip beneath the waves of mental illness. This is not because there is anything wrong with me, even though I've just said that I'm damaged, but that the wounds never heal. And when you are hurting for no reason you can really get caught up in it. And you can find that life is passing you by.

It's not possible to simply get over this shit because we all come equipped with a memory and a need to understand. Your mind will never stop trying to make sense of things that happened to you, that's what it's supposed to do.

There has to be a way to talk about trauma that doesn't start a fresh round of one-upmanship and I think it's in trying to stick to the facts of what trauma practically does to you as you try to live. (Right now I am running out of steam, which is one of the things that happens).

Trauma doesn't go away over time, memory is not a voluntary process. The only way out is in focusing on the facts of what happened, denial is not an option.

 

[Gsvko]

"You're just sensitive, move on."

 

[Oblivion Access]

It's funny right? You can realise hyperfixating on what happened to you and spilling it wherever you go isn't the best for your social prospects, but you can't seem to stop. You'll be told to let it go, move on and focus on the good things in life... like, mate, I'd fucking love to, alright? Being unable to just get over it is part of the affliction you're left to deal with. Not my fault I ended up "weird". Expertly put as always.

 

[myopybyproxy]

You are 100% right. What you are describing is called 'meaning making', which is a psychological term used to explain how people heal from trauma - they figure out a way to make it make sense to them. There's no way to get past it by repressing or denying it. The worst part is that sometimes nothing makes sense. Sometimes bad things just happen because that's life. Finding a way to cope with the knowledge that you are the (un)lucky one to be 'chosen' for this lottery that isn't simply denigrating yourself - that shit is hard and I won't pretend I know to do it.

It sounds like talking with a good therapist - I don't use that adjective lightly when describing mental health 'professionals'; they are few and far in between - could benefit you since you mention talking about your trauma helps. Even journalling, or posting in a thread here can be a way to talk about it if you can't or aren't willing to find a (good) therapist.

The bad ones will tell you 'it's not so bad, you should be grateful, you could have had it much worse'. I've had a therapist tell me that once. I quit after the first session.

 

[GideonVandaleur]

You are 100% right. What you are describing is called 'meaning making', which is a psychological term used to explain how people heal from trauma - they figure out a way to make it make sense to them. There's no way to get past it by repressing or denying it. The worst part is that sometimes nothing makes sense. Sometimes bad things just happen because that's life. Finding a way to cope with the knowledge that you are the (un)lucky one to be 'chosen' for this lottery that isn't simply denigrating yourself - that shit is hard and I won't pretend I know to do it.

It sounds like talking with a good therapist - I don't use that adjective lightly when describing mental health 'professionals'; they are few and far in between - could benefit you since you mention talking about your trauma helps. Even journalling, or posting in a thread here can be a way to talk about it if you can't or aren't willing to find a (good) therapist.

The bad ones will tell you 'it's not so bad, you should be grateful, you could have had it much worse'. I've had a therapist tell me that once. I quit after the first session.

I'm effectively journaling on this site. I made the mistake of going to therapy twice and got kicked out for making too much sense essentially. Mental health pros ironically aren't trained to deal with suicidal people. I went in with a list of reasonable changes that need to be implemented in the world in order for life to be worthwhile not just for me but other people. Therapy is about reflection and I already do that in abundance standing in front of my mirror. I need stuff to get done in order to feel better. "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."-Jiddu Krishnamurti. This quote pissed therapists off because it forces them to face the fact that their coping strategies do nothing but enable the sick system to keep trudging along and steam rolling over more victims to pay them for a therapy sesh. Mental health professionals, if they are to earn that status and moniker, should be the ones dictating the standards for a healthy structure of society based on their knowledge about how the brain works. They're not even trying to do that so they're worse than useless for me and I can dance circles around them with my autistic savant level intellect.

 

[Al_stargate]

You are 100% right. What you are describing is called 'meaning making', which is a psychological term used to explain how people heal from trauma - they figure out a way to make it make sense to them. There's no way to get past it by repressing or denying it. The worst part is that sometimes nothing makes sense. Sometimes bad things just happen because that's life. Finding a way to cope with the knowledge that you are the (un)lucky one to be 'chosen' for this lottery that isn't simply denigrating yourself - that shit is hard and I won't pretend I know to do it.

Very well put. Meaning-making or sense-making is how we structure our lives. When things go to shit and there is no sense or meaning anymore, that's called madness. Therapists and people often can't help a person in any way, so their sense-making and ego are under attack and will usually blame you for being irrational. Some issues just can't be fixed so what's the point of seeing a therapist or telling someone, just to get some generic, obvious advice that can't help in any way.

 

[GideonVandaleur]

Very well put. Meaning-making or sense-making is how we structure our lives. When things go to shit and there is no sense or meaning anymore, that's called madness. Therapists and people often can't help a person in any way, so their sense-making and ego are under attack and will usually blame you for being irrational. Some issues just can't be fixed so what's the point of seeing a therapist or telling someone, just to get some generic, obvious advice that can't help in any way.

Exactly! Nailed it like the fucking romans!

 

[rationaltake]

@GideonVandaleur. I know exactly what you mean. I'm the way I am because of my experience of life. It gives me a different perspective.

I'm old now and haven't managed any sort of life. Don't even remember a lot of it. So I want to sign out.

Unable to write much. I like reading your posts. I'm extremely disjointed which is probably obvious from the way I post.