SocialSoil
for the first and last time i guess
- Aug 15, 2024
- 32
I wrote a long poem (12 catrenes) quite a while ago, and now decided to try and translate it into English.
It turned out to be quite difficult, because the poem itself sounds like Mayakovsky's poems, where the text is more like a monologue with pauses in speech for emphasizing power of words... Well, I only managed to translate 3 catrenes and got tired.
I kinda wrote how I felt at the age of 14-15 years old. Wasn't best part of my life. I'm way calmer now and learned to listen to my body more, but in that time everything was harder. So, to say briefly, full poem is showing point of view from autistic person with high anxiety, later including full meltdown from sensory overstimulation.
I would be happy to share the original poem, but I'm kinda afraid someone will own it as theirs… Anyway, I tried my best and I think translation came out pretty good. If you want to critique it, please do it gently. Though my level of English is B2, it's hard to rhyme on other language.
Careful collecting syllables to words, and words into sentences,
I make their sounds, wait and worry about your spoken aloud thoughtfulness.
I'll remember this phrase, it's like pretty and gentle brooch.
You just frown silently. I prepare for a severe approach.
With murky gaze, you send me to walk through the cages,
Look from window, frown, your irritation's topic for my new pages.
Fresh moist air wraps into drawn places lost while ago,
It proudly lets me forget the places i won't dare to go.
Cages to cages, loud cars, and steps on pavement - from crowd of passers-by.
Under the shoes is sandy dirt, brownish puddles turn into longing for all crowd alike.
Sky is painted bright gray-blue and mottled by clouds.
I deeply inhale, go silent, follow far away steps of people around.
It turned out to be quite difficult, because the poem itself sounds like Mayakovsky's poems, where the text is more like a monologue with pauses in speech for emphasizing power of words... Well, I only managed to translate 3 catrenes and got tired.
I kinda wrote how I felt at the age of 14-15 years old. Wasn't best part of my life. I'm way calmer now and learned to listen to my body more, but in that time everything was harder. So, to say briefly, full poem is showing point of view from autistic person with high anxiety, later including full meltdown from sensory overstimulation.
I would be happy to share the original poem, but I'm kinda afraid someone will own it as theirs… Anyway, I tried my best and I think translation came out pretty good. If you want to critique it, please do it gently. Though my level of English is B2, it's hard to rhyme on other language.
Careful collecting syllables to words, and words into sentences,
I make their sounds, wait and worry about your spoken aloud thoughtfulness.
I'll remember this phrase, it's like pretty and gentle brooch.
You just frown silently. I prepare for a severe approach.
With murky gaze, you send me to walk through the cages,
Look from window, frown, your irritation's topic for my new pages.
Fresh moist air wraps into drawn places lost while ago,
It proudly lets me forget the places i won't dare to go.
Cages to cages, loud cars, and steps on pavement - from crowd of passers-by.
Under the shoes is sandy dirt, brownish puddles turn into longing for all crowd alike.
Sky is painted bright gray-blue and mottled by clouds.
I deeply inhale, go silent, follow far away steps of people around.
