Venting Transgender, Religion, and Suicide

[Cynthia]

I don't think I would ever be able to transition in this life. It would not be the most difficult thing for me to get access to estrogen since I live in a pretty LGBTQ+ friendly country, however being raised in a religious household, I still have a deep fear of god, judgment day, and hell. I have this dilemma where I have a chance to be happy by transitioning, but I would then be living the rest of my life trying to repress the thought that I am living a life that will take me to hell. If I don't transition, well, I would probably still kill myself. As I get older i'm slowly starting to loose any feminine features that my youth gives me. I started balding at 18 and its getting pretty noticeable at this point. I have been on finasteride for almost a year now with pretty much zero results. I'm already at a point where I cannot look in the mirror, I can't recognize who I am. But again back to the religious trauma, I was taught that suicide will also take me to hell. I tried reaching out on religious forms and pretty much just got thoughts & prayers. I spoke to a local religious leader and he was surprisingly understanding, however there was no real help or advice was offered. Suicide has been on my mind but i'm not sure if I will ever have enough courage to go through with it. It seems like im already in hell...

 

[GuessWhosBack]

You deserve the best shot at living happily.

I can't give you much advice on this topic, but if I'm not mistaken, the first step would be to seek a psychologist (maybe?) who specializes in these issues. Maybe since you live in an understanding community there are people who have already gone through this who might be able to help you out.

Again I'm no expert but if I understand correctly, if you get assessed it could open gender affirming treatment options for you.

For goodness' sake don't let archaic backwards religions hold you back.

If you haven't, try seeking out local organisations that deal with these things on The Wired ;)

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I spoke to a local religious leader and he was surprisingly understanding, however there was no real help or advice was offered.

Hey friend, have you tried reaching out to a local queer space?

 

[Cynthia]

Hey friend, have you tried reaching out to a local queer space?

I really should but I had not looked into it yet >www< I reached out to that local religious leader again since he said he would answer me right away if I ever considered suicide, which I did a couple days ago. He wants to meet again but I don't think anything will come out of it. Thanks for checking up though >:3c

 

[drag201]

I feel the exact same way. I consider myself religious but I'm also trans which i guess is contradicting. I don't understand how God can create us but then condemn it :( it wasn't our choice at all to be born like this. I want to transition as well but I am just not there economically and I'm not sure how and if I can get everything in my country. I'm glad you live in an accessible country and I'm sorry about your parents ..I don't know if you consider yourself like actively religious, but I believe people use Gods word for the wrong reasons and use it to hate and judge which is the complete opposite of his teachings. I hope they can come around one day or if not I hope you can move into a safer environment where you can freely be yourself!! Please stay, it will all be worth the fight :) take care

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

I grew up with a religious mother so it was easy to buy in to her nonsense, no matter how insane it sounded. It wasn't until recently I was freed from that. My own mother telling me how trans people shouldn't exist, to my face. Telling me how God wants xyz to happen, and she hopes it does, when those things would endanger people. Hurt people. I gave up the belief. God isn't real. If he is, he's not my God.

It's a difficult position to be in. You can't just decide to turn it off in your brain. I can only hope you find what you need in order to find happiness without the guilt of your afterlife eating away at you. Good luck.

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I really should but I had not looked into it yet

I think it's your best bet at this point.

It would not be the most difficult thing for me to get access to estrogen
I started balding at 18 and its getting pretty noticeable at this point

In some cases HRT can not only stop but reverse androgenic alopecia.

He wants to meet again but I don't think anything will come out of it.

I don't see the harm in it, so long as they don't try to interpret your dysphoria as sin or something like that.

 

[Cynthia]

I feel the exact same way. I consider myself religious but I'm also trans which i guess is contradicting. I don't understand how God can create us but then condemn it :( it wasn't our choice at all to be born like this. I want to transition as well but I am just not there economically and I'm not sure how and if I can get everything in my country. I'm glad you live in an accessible country and I'm sorry about your parents ..I don't know if you consider yourself like actively religious, but I believe people use Gods word for the wrong reasons and use it to hate and judge which is the complete opposite of his teachings. I hope they can come around one day or if not I hope you can move into a safer environment where you can freely be yourself!! Please stay, it will all be worth the fight :) take care

I'm glad I reached out because I love meeting people in similar situations like me (helps me feel not alone & understood). I wish you the best aswell \3

I think it's your best bet at this point.

In some cases HRT can not only stop but reverse androgenic alopecia.

I don't see the harm in it, so long as he doesn't try to interpret your dysphoria as sin or something like that.

True. I will see him. And he even told me to go see a trans therapist. I'm just scared about what my family will think & how I would support myself after getting kicked out. Thank you :3c

 

[GuessWhosBack]

True. I will see him. And he even told me to go see a trans therapist.

Oh that's great - at least you have one person who is supporting you.

I'm just scared about what my family will think & how I would support myself after getting kicked out.

Is your family generally hostile to queer people?