![Cynthia](/data/avatars/l/96/96954.jpg?1722429386)
Cynthia
Don't bother looking for me. Dont look at me
- Jul 31, 2024
- 6
I don't think I would ever be able to transition in this life. It would not be the most difficult thing for me to get access to estrogen since I live in a pretty LGBTQ+ friendly country, however being raised in a religious household, I still have a deep fear of god, judgment day, and hell. I have this dilemma where I have a chance to be happy by transitioning, but I would then be living the rest of my life trying to repress the thought that I am living a life that will take me to hell. If I don't transition, well, I would probably still kill myself. As I get older i'm slowly starting to loose any feminine features that my youth gives me. I started balding at 18 and its getting pretty noticeable at this point. I have been on finasteride for almost a year now with pretty much zero results. I'm already at a point where I cannot look in the mirror, I can't recognize who I am. But again back to the religious trauma, I was taught that suicide will also take me to hell. I tried reaching out on religious forms and pretty much just got thoughts & prayers. I spoke to a local religious leader and he was surprisingly understanding, however there was no real help or advice was offered. Suicide has been on my mind but i'm not sure if I will ever have enough courage to go through with it. It seems like im already in hell...