Recently, I have returned to school after a very long break, and about 4 months ago I also started hormones after a really long time of not wanting to appear as "male", "man", "manly", "masculine" to alleviate some sort of discomfort.
After seeing how vile people can be, I couldn't stop obsessing how much my body has changed since I first started and how it will continue to change. Anxiety is slowly reaccumulating. I can't stop worrying about future changes despite being labeled as "woman", "girl", "feminine" most times. Can't stop worrying that my chest, hips, thighs & everything else will expand or thin, and will probably end up causing me to be potentially sexually assaulted, which will further fuel the insanity I experience outside of this specific issue. I also hate how my clothing now fits tight in some places now.. and the fucking stares from . shocking that there's consequences to my actions!
I have also been worrying about the stupid fucking restrooms, feeling unbelonging in both the "male" and "female", mainly because I am somewhat uncomfortable being around insensitive assholes in person, which my anxiety perceives everyone to be to some extent. Secondly, because I fear reaction.. I wish there was no hostility over the gender stuff.. such fucking bullshit. Or just no hostility at all, but that will never happen.
I also have been experiencing more brain fog which reminds me that I forgot the exact reason why started hormones. Memory loss and fatigue aswell because of the retarded schedule and procedure made to fucking break students. So much suffering has given me so much apathy confusion and rage. This is clearly not good and was horrible judgment to have returned to school. I want to discontinue this but I am fucking stubborn and will take hesitation to do so. I want to fucking blow off my head and be finally done with everything. Pointless suffering. put me out of my fuckin misery
. just a few of my many complaints i have already lost my mind long ago.
Would have just been better never existing in the first place. I hate this retarded bullshit.
After seeing how vile people can be, I couldn't stop obsessing how much my body has changed since I first started and how it will continue to change. Anxiety is slowly reaccumulating. I can't stop worrying about future changes despite being labeled as "woman", "girl", "feminine" most times. Can't stop worrying that my chest, hips, thighs & everything else will expand or thin, and will probably end up causing me to be potentially sexually assaulted, which will further fuel the insanity I experience outside of this specific issue. I also hate how my clothing now fits tight in some places now.. and the fucking stares from . shocking that there's consequences to my actions!
I have also been worrying about the stupid fucking restrooms, feeling unbelonging in both the "male" and "female", mainly because I am somewhat uncomfortable being around insensitive assholes in person, which my anxiety perceives everyone to be to some extent. Secondly, because I fear reaction.. I wish there was no hostility over the gender stuff.. such fucking bullshit. Or just no hostility at all, but that will never happen.
I also have been experiencing more brain fog which reminds me that I forgot the exact reason why started hormones. Memory loss and fatigue aswell because of the retarded schedule and procedure made to fucking break students. So much suffering has given me so much apathy confusion and rage. This is clearly not good and was horrible judgment to have returned to school. I want to discontinue this but I am fucking stubborn and will take hesitation to do so. I want to fucking blow off my head and be finally done with everything. Pointless suffering. put me out of my fuckin misery
. just a few of my many complaints i have already lost my mind long ago.
Would have just been better never existing in the first place. I hate this retarded bullshit.
