Toxic but loving household

[cantdecidenameeven]

My mom paid for my surgery, got me a new guitar, cooks for me, pays for my education and takes care of almost everything for me to function

But she always downplays my emotions and whatever I go through

The 2 times I ever opened up to her ended up in mockery days later. Just yesterday she mockingly made fun of me talking about my depression and suicidal ideation. Also called me ugly few times. I asked her if she thinks that one girl thinks of me, she said no one ever thinks of you. As a joke maybe or as a sarcastic comeback idk but it still hit me like a truck

I wish she all bad, so I can hate her with good reason. But she is a great mom, but makes me hate myself. I don't know how to feel.

She showers me with love but drowns me in hate.

 

[disjectamembra]

hey, i feel you, im in the same situation. they say to be easy on moms, as its their first time living, but its hard to accept that when they decide to be nice one second and awful the other. please dont let her nasty remarks get to you, whatever youre feeling or going through is valid and you deserve everything good <3

 

[allforwon]

i get u so so much. this is why i always seem to hesitate to tell my therapist abt my mom bc i cant quite explain my feelings about her. i want to tell my therapist that my mom is the biggest reason why i wanna die, but at the same time - why? shes a good mom, but makes me feel shitty at the same time. sometimes i feel like im just gaslighting myself into thinking that shes bad so i can put all the blame on someone and not on me. i dont understand anything at all. its not like she did smth BAD bad to me. sigh

 

[NegevChina]

Sorry for what your experiencing! Sounds like frustrating and potentially damaging to you. Sarcasm is really hard to cope with sometimes. Is there any way you could receive therapy? It could really help mitigating the negativity from your mom not let it ruin your life. If not then consider probably to cut contact? Do you have anyone supportive for you that you can live with?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Tbh, I feel like most households are toxic but loving ones, with actual healthy happy households being rare. This goes into my issues when it comes to how people treat and view abuse. While abusive behaviours can stem from malice or plain indifference, it isn't uncommon for some abusers to also genuinely love the person they are abusing and even treating them pretty well outside of the cases where their abusive tendencies pop up. This is important because I feel like a lot of people deny or downplay the abuse they go through, especially in cases of child abuse, because the person who did this to them is someone who also has shown them a lot of love and care throughout their life.

OP, your mom is abusive. She shouldn't be making fun of your mental health struggles, downplaying your issues, or insulting you. I can imagine that this probably makes your feelings towards her a bit complicated since all of these behaviours coincide with her treating you in a loving manner. Just because she loves you doesn't make her actions excusable. You are allowed to be upset with her and to even call her out for this. The issue here isn't whether or not she is loving towards you, it's whether or not she is harming you in any way and that includes emotional and psychological harm.