aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 89
i see death as the way out, the absence of everything, the good and especially the bad. i constantly fantasize about the moment before everything shuts down, the feeling of peace when your body stop trying (i have drowning as chosen method).
basically: peace, which is something i don't think i deserve. i can't elaborate why, but i deserve to be here, alone and agonizing in psychological pain; every day i find a way to destroy myself more, but never enough to get the job done.
i wanna die, i'm so tired, but i can't allow myself to let go, and i can't allow myself to recover either. people did a great job in convincing me that i don't deserve anything good lol; i don't deserve to have friends, a partner, to be safe, and i don't deserve death 'cause that means that the pain would stop.
i'll make a effort to change my mindset, i know i can't keep doing this for a another single year.
basically: peace, which is something i don't think i deserve. i can't elaborate why, but i deserve to be here, alone and agonizing in psychological pain; every day i find a way to destroy myself more, but never enough to get the job done.
i wanna die, i'm so tired, but i can't allow myself to let go, and i can't allow myself to recover either. people did a great job in convincing me that i don't deserve anything good lol; i don't deserve to have friends, a partner, to be safe, and i don't deserve death 'cause that means that the pain would stop.
i'll make a effort to change my mindset, i know i can't keep doing this for a another single year.