Torn

[BlueWidow]

I just spoke to my niece, whom I hadn't spoken to in about 20 years, for the last 3 hours. We had a wonderful conversation and we talked about all kinds of stuff. The problem is, now I have yet another person who's going to be upset when I ctb.
I've been thinking about ideas for my goodbye thread and I have a bunch of stuff already planned out, but now I feel like my plans are being thrown in jeopardy again.
I know that if I don't do it on January 3rd, as I have been planning at this point, I can always do it later. But on the other hand, it makes me feel like I'm being too wishy-washy about it. I've already postponed my ctb once to avoid the holidays.
And if I don't do it in January, I might have to deal with some of my husband's family coming and possibly thinking they can stay in my house. I'll have to continue to deal with my sister-in-law pushing me to go to doctors about my thyroid when there's no point. And there's probably other things that I'll have to deal with that I don't even know about right now.
I am dead set that I'm going to ctb. I don't see any other way out, particularly where my thyroid issue is concerned. But if I gave myself a little more time and forced myself to have some motivation, maybe I could go through my stuff, as I originally intended, and start giving it away. I had hoped to do that this month so that I could give things away and people would just see them as Christmas presents. However, because of how exhausted I've been due to being dragged around to doctors and blood tests and so forth against my will, I haven't had the energy or motivation to go through any belongings or give anything away. I have some family photos that I had no idea what I was going to do with them, but my niece said that she would take them if I wanted to send them to her. She told me she wanted to send a card to me or something first and that would have her address on it. I gave her my address, but she didn't give me her address.
I'm torn because I feel like this is the best chance I've had in my whole entire life to ctb.
I don't want to miss my chance and end up stuck here. On the other hand, part of me doesn't feel like I've made enough arrangements or done enough with my belongings. I've also never done anything with my Will. I have a Will that I made when I was living in another state, but after I moved here, I intended to go to a lawyer and make sure it would be valid in the state I'm living in now. I never did do that because of my ongoing thyroid issues. I go back-and-forth between wanting to do something about it but not having the energy or motivation, and being overwhelmed by the prospect of all that work and effort and just thinking I'll let it go and let them sort it out.
I know if I want things to go where I want them to go, I'm going to have to give them away while I'm still alive. It's just going to take so much work to do it. I don't know what to do.
Again, I know no one can tell me what to do. I'm just venting and trying to weigh my options. Any comments are welcome though.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You once posted in one of the first threads I made saying that you hate when a thread goes unanswered. That stuck with me and I'm here to return the favor.

I think you should definitely take this time to sort through your material possessions. This can provide some closure for you but also keep people from fighting over them when you're gone. Just make sure to try to give the more sentimental ones to people in stable living arrangements.

It always seems like something gets in the way when you have a perfect CTB date planned. Maybe it'll be easier to play it by ear once you get everything settled with the worldly things you'd like to distribute.

I think life does this to us to say that it isn't our time yet. I know you're eager to do this thing already. But try not to rush or force it.

 

[BlueWidow]

Thanks for responding.
Yes, I keep walking by the room that has all my stuff piled in it and thinking I need to just bite the bullet and go in there and start doing it. I know once I start doing it, I'll keep going until it's done. The problem is just getting myself to go in there and begin the process.
Part of my problem before was that I didn't have anyone to give a lot of my stuff to, but now that I've reconnected with my niece, I can give personal items like photos to her. I can give things that my husband gave to me to his grandchildren, and I have stuff from other periods of my life that I can give to other people that were around me in those times.
I'm starting to realize I have more people in my life than I originally thought.
That's both a good and a bad thing. It's good because I have people to give my things away to that I didn't think of before, but it's bad because now there's more people who are going to be hurt when I finally go.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

No problem, I enjoy your posts and you seem like a kind and caring individual!

I went through a similar stage of sorting my stuff before a previous attempt. It was weird because I had to make excuses for doing it. I didn't want to draw too much attention or seem out of place.

I ended up scanning all of my photos and I put it all onto separate flash and external hard drives. I then designated which drives would go to who. Most of what I had was photos so it made more sense for me to do this. This way I could also keep multiple copies and no one would fight over it.

It's definitely a sobering experience. As you mention you see how many people are really in your life.

 

[BlueWidow]

No problem, I enjoy your posts and you seem like a kind and caring individual!

I went through a similar stage of sorting my stuff before a previous attempt. It was weird because I had to make excuses for doing it. I didn't want to draw too much attention or seem out of place.

I ended up scanning all of my photos and I put it all onto separate flash and external hard drives. I then designated which drives would go to who. Most of what I had was photos so it made more sense for me to do this. This way I could also keep multiple copies and no one would fight over it.

It's definitely a sobering experience. As you mention you see how many people are really in your life.

I just wanted to say thanks again for responding. You got my mind working and I'm now looking at my stuff and realizing that I don't have to go through everything like I was previously thinking I had to. There are a large sections of my belongings that I'm probably just going to have my family give to Goodwill. Things like books, CDs, that kind of stuff. Then there are large amounts of files, personal files like tax returns and such, that will have to be shredded. I'm only really going to have to go through all the most personal items like photos and other personal items that I want to give away to people. I can sort of feel the burden of doing this lifting off of me now that I'm thinking about how to do it. Your post started my mind working on it, so thanks again for your input. That's what I needed to get me going.
See, this site is so wonderful that way. You can be struggling with an issue, sometimes for days or weeks, and then somebody makes a comment that resonates with you and causes your mind to start working and you start resolving the issue— all because that person took the time to read your post and make a thoughtful comment.
Thank you again for responding and helping me to start resolving this issue. It takes a big load off of me that I've been struggling with for a while now.