Too much trouble

[Potiphera]

Does actually going through with CTB seem like too much trouble to anyone else sometimes?

Like...I have to find a decent rope and a secluded spot to use it that'll hold my weight (I live in the city and I'm kinda heavy), let alone get any pills off the dark web, I need to make a will and get it witnessed and find someone to agree to execute it, without tipping them off, ditto making funeral plans that will be found in time...and maybe I should be like "who cares, I'll be dead", but I've been fantasising about this for 30 years so I want it to go right.

But the illness which is making me want to leave is also making me feel just too tired to do all this, and my cognitive function is somewhat impaired to boot. I'm just so damn tired.

 

[theguineapigking]

Yeah. Sometimes it's too much work when you're already very unmotivated. Especially if you're tired or not feeling well.


I'm sorry it's come to this. But dang,30 years? That's a long time to fantasize about dying. I'm really impressed you held on that long.



If you need someone to talk with,I'm here. No judgement. Just support.



I wish you the happiness and peacefulness you deserve.

 

[Potiphera]

Actually, it's been...longer.

When I was 6 and first heard about the guillotine (I don't remember how I heard about it), I wasn't even sure what death fully meant but I did think "that would be nice and quick". I have to laugh when people say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is no temporary for me. I know teenagers can make impulsive decisions - I was one once - I mean to make no disparaging aspersions on any teenagers reading this though. But me, I am in early middle age and this shit is permanent here.

 

[Lost4toolong]

Thats why i dont imagine anything elaborate. A stab to a couple arteries and i figure im good. I already live secluded. But even then clearly havent yet

 

[theguineapigking]

Actually, it's been...longer.

When I was 6 and first heard about the guillotine (I don't remember how I heard about it), I wasn't even sure what death fully meant but I did think "that would be nice and quick". I have to laugh when people say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is no temporary for me. I know teenagers can make impulsive decisions - I was one once - I mean to make no disparaging aspersions on any teenagers reading this though. But me, I am in early middle age and this shit is permanent here.

Same. When people say "suicide is the answer to a temporary problem blah bleh bleh" (I'm imitating them mockingly),it makes me laugh and also really irritates me. People that say that are generally healthy,happy,have family,and have a good job. They are content and cannot for the life of them can't use their pea sized brain to fathom the concept that not everyone has a perfect little life. The worst thing is that people like that are the ones trying to close this website down. They're stupid and ignorant in every way.



I have chronic Health issues. One symptom is chronic fatigue. I work part time and don't drive at age 21. My younger brother now has a car and is driving. I can't imagine I will be alive much longer. But then again,when I was 16,I thought maybe I'd end it finally. But here I am 5 years later.. :(

 

[Otter]

Your body is telling your mind "its just too hard-blah-blah". I think it's your body's way to trick you into living another day/minute/week/yr longer. I think there's a line to cross and once you cross it, no amount of SI can stop you.