I always delayed ctb and tried to enjoy or do something else. I struggled against many problems but continued living.
The problem is my body is deteriorating. This body withstood multiple traumas, mental illnesses, physical problems and more. It did the impossible for me to continue living. Also I struggled and never gave up in the endless battles against the endless problems.
But I can't continue doing it anymore, both mentally and physically. Now my body can't handle the depression or anything else.
I don't know why I stayed alive and kept trying. I do love and enjoy some stuff and I love some members here and thats what made me feel better. I'm really sorry, if I was in a better state, I'll give more love. But I really hate this life that kills me even if what I want is really simple. I just wanted a simple life and peace. I can't say I don't want anything from this life and while I completely think there is only nothingness after my death, I wish if I be with what I love, there is no depression, anhedonia, weakness or anything else and I'll love them forever. Some people irl and some members here, games and entertainment and fictional characters, music, anime, technology and more.
However, I really hate life for killing me and killing everything else and everything I loved. And I hate it for making me struggle for nothing. Fuck life
I don't know when to ctb and probably I'll rot in this fucking life and stupid biology.
The problem is my body is deteriorating. This body withstood multiple traumas, mental illnesses, physical problems and more. It did the impossible for me to continue living. Also I struggled and never gave up in the endless battles against the endless problems.
But I can't continue doing it anymore, both mentally and physically. Now my body can't handle the depression or anything else.
I don't know why I stayed alive and kept trying. I do love and enjoy some stuff and I love some members here and thats what made me feel better. I'm really sorry, if I was in a better state, I'll give more love. But I really hate this life that kills me even if what I want is really simple. I just wanted a simple life and peace. I can't say I don't want anything from this life and while I completely think there is only nothingness after my death, I wish if I be with what I love, there is no depression, anhedonia, weakness or anything else and I'll love them forever. Some people irl and some members here, games and entertainment and fictional characters, music, anime, technology and more.
However, I really hate life for killing me and killing everything else and everything I loved. And I hate it for making me struggle for nothing. Fuck life
I don't know when to ctb and probably I'll rot in this fucking life and stupid biology.
