PxB
Member
- Dec 18, 2021
- 16
All of my mental suffering has been caused by being bullied in school. The mental pain is too heavy right now that I can't function normally anymore. I really want to CTB but I really want to get revenge at them first. I will never let them get away with what they did to me by leaving a scar on their faces so they will respect me even when I'm dead, I don't want them to be satisfied and laughing at the fact that they made a mentally ill subhuman loser suicide without fighting back. And I'm still alive today because of this goal despite how the mental and physical struggles are getting worse. But the problem with this is they're too far away from me, they're richer than me, and they have stronger social support than me, which makes revenge impossible for me right now. I will have to wait for the perfect moment where I will see them in person, and they're suffering a financial crisis so they won't win in the court, and lost all their friends so they won't back them up, so the favor of winning will be in me. But this seems like it will take forever because they're only getting stronger socially and financially and always travelling everyday. Plus, I've now developed Schizophrenia. Right now it is at its beginning stage where I only hear voices, but it will surely get worse as time goes on, especially as I couldn't pay for my meds anymore due to some family cutting off financial support. So before I even get my revenge, I might end up in a mental hospital which is a scary thought that urges me to CTB even more but I couldn't at the moment because I have to fulfill my goal of getting revenge first so my bullies won't be satisfied of my death because that's what they want me to do, but this goal is just a dream because they're just getting stronger and stronger everyday while I become weaker and more unable to fight back, which means I'm stuck in an infinite loop of suffering with no escape.
