Venting Too emotional for this world

[grisly bear]

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am far too emotional.

It can just be little things that really bother me.
Just a few days ago I accidentally killed a housefly.
It wasn't intentional, but it still hurt me that it happened, a lot.
Other people would/will laugh at me for it.

My emotionality makes my life so much harder.
I feel nothing but pain in this world.
Everything hurts me so much.
Even very rare but beautiful moments wither in time and turn into melancholy.
I am not made for this life.
I have lost so much, experienced so many bad things.
I don't want to have to endure all this anymore and i will ctb for sure.

The problem is my family.
I can't do the pain to them. I wish I could.
But just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
I know I have the right to my free decision and I will decide freely; but I can't yet.
And it hurts me a lot.
Of course, I also know that I might not care.
That some of my family could and would understand and would be happy if I could finally find peace, but I can't do that.

I'm just too emotional for this world.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see myself as not meant for existing, I also find it so painful to exist in this world filled with endless cruelty. But anyway best wishes.

 

[grisly bear]

I also see myself as not meant for existing, I also find it so painful to exist in this world filled with endless cruelty. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you very much for your words.
I hope that you can cope with the pain of existence in the best possible way
And i wish you the best on your path, whatever it may look like and wherever it takes you.

 

[agony1996]

Sometimes I have the feeling that I am far too emotional.

It can just be little things that really bother me.
Just a few days ago I accidentally killed a housefly.
It wasn't intentional, but it still hurt me that it happened, a lot.
Other people would/will laugh at me for it.

My emotionality makes my life so much harder.
I feel nothing but pain in this world.
Everything hurts me so much.
Even very rare but beautiful moments wither in time and turn into melancholy.
I am not made for this life.
I have lost so much, experienced so many bad things.
I don't want to have to endure all this anymore and i will ctb for sure.

The problem is my family.
I can't do the pain to them. I wish I could.
But just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
I know I have the right to my free decision and I will decide freely; but I can't yet.
And it hurts me a lot.
Of course, I also know that I might not care.
That some of my family could and would understand and would be happy if I could finally find peace, but I can't do that.

I'm just too emotional for this world.

I understand you perfectly if I kill an insect by accident I feel so bad.
It sucks to be so emotional because we get hurt so easily. It's a curse sometimes to have a good heart and it seems like those with good hearts suffer the most while those with no heart lead happy lives, it angers me. I can't understand why the universe puts us through this.
About ctbing I feel the same way, I don't want to do that to my family especially my mom she's 81 she has the most amazing heart and doesn't deserve this.
I bawl just thinking about this but on the other hand I can't take anymore pain it's too much, I can hardly breathe.
So you're not alone

 

[esistzeit]

I also feel like I am too gentle for my own good. As a consequence, I was bullied during childhood and that scared me deeply.

I attribute my failure in life to three things:

1. Absent Father
2. Bullying
3. Gentle Nature

Had my father been there he'd taught me to stand up for myself. Had I not been bullied I wouldn't be so scared of people. Were I not this gentle I would've fought back.

Maybe, after dying, I will be able to go to a place where gentleness is actually appreciated. Or I'll be reborn as an asshole; that ought to fix it.

 

[grisly bear]

I understand you perfectly if I kill an insect by accident I feel so bad.
It sucks to be so emotional because we get hurt so easily. It's a curse sometimes to have a good heart and it seems like those with good hearts suffer the most while those with no heart lead happy lives, it angers me. I can't understand why the universe puts us through this.
About ctbing I feel the same way, I don't want to do that to my family especially my mom she's 81 she has the most amazing heart and doesn't deserve this.
I bawl just thinking about this but on the other hand I can't take anymore pain it's too much, I can hardly breathe.
So you're not alone

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this pain too.
It's a shame that I'm not alone in my pain.
Because that just means that there is a lot more pain in this world.
You're right that it strangely seems like it's the kind-hearted people who suffer the most.
I don't know why that is. Maybe it's fate, coincidence or it's just the way it is.
But yes, the pain can be, and is, unbearable.
I've already lost a few people in my life to ctb.
And I know how much the families have suffered.
Nevertheless, I have no other choice in this existence and I don't want any other choice.

I also feel like I am too gentle for my own good. As a consequence, I was bullied during childhood and that scared me deeply.

I attribute my failure in life to three things:

1. Absent Father
2. Bullying
3. Gentle Nature

Had my father been there he'd taught me to stand up for myself. Had I not been bullied I wouldn't be so scared of people. Were I not this gentle I would've fought back.

Maybe, after dying, I will be able to go to a place where gentleness is actually appreciated. Or I'll be reborn as an asshole; that ought to fix it.

I'm sorry to hear that you're not having an easy time in your life.
Bullying is actually an underestimated issue.
A lot of people develop lifelong problems because of past bullying.
The fact that you are also a gentle being doesn't make it any easier.
And yes, it would have been easier if you'd had a father by your side.

I don't know what kind of situation you're in.
But I think it always makes sense to look around for solutions.
Maybe there are some solutions for you that could improve your life.
And ctb should always be the last option you choose.