Too damaged to ever find love

[Water-Lily]

Today in class, we had a discussion about triangulation and dysfunctional families

I asked my professor, who is also a family therapist, about how a person can heal when they are unable to leave the environment in which they suffered abuse

She said therapy, for those individuals, is more about venting and coping rather than actual healing and processing. That its a matter of buying time till they make the choice to leave. And leaving only effectively happens once the cons outweigh the pros of their home environment

It made me reflect on myself and how pathetic I feel. That despite all the history of abuse I have suffered by my family, I still choose to be at home

I still choose to live my life there, even when its unhealthy

The cons hasn't outweighed the pros yet enough for me. Could be because my father is around and I feel "Safer" but thats a conversation for my therapist I guess

And then I still am not ready to effectively face the abuse I have experienced and so, how can I be a good partner for someone?

It make take many many years

Guess I'll just be single for a long ass time then...
Maybe I should tell my therapist I should quit therapy. She is on course to get me a case worker but what will it matter if I am unable to heal? At 26 I am way too behind and will have to play a lot of catch up

Maybe I'm one of those people who are lost causes and should give up as opposed to wasting resources on those who are actually ready to heal

 

[Water-Lily]

I am not deserving of anything good

I also shouldn't be on dating apps and waste peoples time

I did this to my ex already and he rightfully hates me
Actually, maybe it's unethical that I trying to be a social worker

As I am not healing or working on myself, I'd do a world of disservice to clients.

I'm not meant for this profession

 

[F@#$]

Love's a lie anyway.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel I am locked out of life due to trauma

How do I exist with my damage and faulty coping mechanisms which hurt others?

If I commit suicide, I spar other people from experiencing me

 

[Katdogg]

I am not deserving of anything good

I also shouldn't be on dating apps and waste peoples time

I did this to my ex already and he rightfully hates me
Actually, maybe it's unethical that I trying to be a social worker

As I am not healing or working on myself, I'd do a world of disservice to clients.

I'm not meant for this profession

I found a website LIVE THROUGH THIS about suicide attempt survivors who tell their stories. Surprisingly a lot of them are now counselors of other at risk people. There were many helpful interviews of their experiences. Don't write yourself off

 

[Argo]

It made me reflect on myself and how pathetic I feel. That despite all the history of abuse I have suffered by my family, I still choose to be at home

I want to ask you to imagine a very simple scenario. Imagine someone on the other side of the world. Someone who looks very different from you. Actually close your eyes, and try to visualize this person. They look very different-- they're not you. However, they have a strikingly similar situation to yours. They suffered a very similar kind of abuse. The have very similar struggles. They feel like you do.

Just ask yourself-- is this person pathetic for being unable to get out of such a difficult situation? It would be great if they managed to escape their situation, we'd all be happy for them, but are they really to blame if they can't? Would you ever tell them, "Well, you're unhappy but, it is your choice, after all." Is that fair given how difficult this is?