I have fixed all that needed to be fixed, everything is now ready.
im set to kill myself in a couple of hours.
I spent my last day with my friends, had my last meal (nice big tomahawk and pasta) and all thats left is to write my notes. its all worked out, but it doesnt feel that way.
after having fun with them, im feeling so lost. i still have to do it, i have to - but the will isnt as strong anymore.
I wish i could be ecstatic right now, unable to control my excitement at the thought of finally ending it all and never having to experience another dull lifeless day again, but it seems the dullness is inescapable. Even in moments such as these, dullness is all i feel
i cant even bring myself to shed a single tear, not one tear for this whole life ive lived. When i try to make myself cry, i know its not real. i feel like im in some fucking play or performing for a camera that doesn't exist. why did it have to be this way. Maybe once im staring at the noose the tears will fall, ig we will have to see.
Im not sure if i will be able to go through with it, but thats the plan. If i dont post in the next day or two, i am dead (or incapacitated)
Yap done, ig ill say what i have to say about this forum now
obviously im quite new to this, only discovered this forum existed a couple weeks ago, but i really do appreciate what it has to offer. more than just the resources (which have certainly helped me) there is a sense of community here that i wasnt expecting. in the life ive lived i was never a particularly caring or empathetic person - i cant think of the last time ive helped someone solely for the sake of helping them.
But seeing people come together here, and offer words of support.. it touched me, in a way. as much as i really can be touched these days - which isnt a lot, but still. its something.
Goodbye everyone, and thank you. i wish you all the best.
im set to kill myself in a couple of hours.
I spent my last day with my friends, had my last meal (nice big tomahawk and pasta) and all thats left is to write my notes. its all worked out, but it doesnt feel that way.
after having fun with them, im feeling so lost. i still have to do it, i have to - but the will isnt as strong anymore.
I wish i could be ecstatic right now, unable to control my excitement at the thought of finally ending it all and never having to experience another dull lifeless day again, but it seems the dullness is inescapable. Even in moments such as these, dullness is all i feel
i cant even bring myself to shed a single tear, not one tear for this whole life ive lived. When i try to make myself cry, i know its not real. i feel like im in some fucking play or performing for a camera that doesn't exist. why did it have to be this way. Maybe once im staring at the noose the tears will fall, ig we will have to see.
Im not sure if i will be able to go through with it, but thats the plan. If i dont post in the next day or two, i am dead (or incapacitated)
Yap done, ig ill say what i have to say about this forum now
obviously im quite new to this, only discovered this forum existed a couple weeks ago, but i really do appreciate what it has to offer. more than just the resources (which have certainly helped me) there is a sense of community here that i wasnt expecting. in the life ive lived i was never a particularly caring or empathetic person - i cant think of the last time ive helped someone solely for the sake of helping them.
But seeing people come together here, and offer words of support.. it touched me, in a way. as much as i really can be touched these days - which isnt a lot, but still. its something.
Goodbye everyone, and thank you. i wish you all the best.
