Tonight, I Die. Thank you to everyone.

[waterworks]

I feel like I should have more to say than I do. I wish I had gotten the chance to make friends here but oh well I suppose. I took a 4 hr trip, far from home. I'm in a motel somewhere... scenic I guess. It's late afternoon and I will taking a trip to the nearby beach in the evening.

It's a place I came to years ago, when I challenged myself to fight to live. Now here I return, alone, and on death's door. It feels, almost poetic... I love poetry... but no one will remember what I wrote. I'll be forgotten... but that's not really what scares me. Is there something I'm going to? Some divine judgement and unspeakable torment. Even now I'm trembling. But I've been afraid so long, about so many things, that I will just close my eyes and dive into the unknown.

This is not my last goodbye I hope. I will write again when I am setup tonight. It's odd being alone like this, not that my life was full of connection, but somehow "I never thought I'd die alone"... a lyric from Adam's Song, that fascinated me and now will become my own story in a way.

What was my life? I'm 26 and I'll never know. Everything I've ever known is now meaningless, because it cannot save me. Whether paradise, hell or oblivion... all the time I spent seeking the purpose of this life, the nature of existence... to be someone I'm proud of, will amount to nothing.

What a fool I've been

 

[sugarb]

I feel like I should have more to say than I do. I wish I had gotten the chance to make friends here but oh well I suppose. I took a 4 hr trip, far from home. I'm in a motel somewhere... scenic I guess. It's late afternoon and I will taking a trip to the nearby beach in the evening.

It's a place I came to years ago, when I challenged myself to fight to live. Now here I return, alone, and on death's door. It feels, almost poetic... I love poetry... but no one will remember what I wrote. I'll be forgotten... but that's not really what scares me. Is there something I'm going to? Some divine judgement and unspeakable torment. Even now I'm trembling. But I've been afraid so long, about so many things, that I will just close my eyes and dive into the unknown.

This is not my last goodbye I hope. I will write again when I am setup tonight. It's odd being alone like this, not that my life was full of connection, but somehow "I never thought I'd die alone"... a lyric from Adam's Song, that fascinated me and now will become my own story in a way.

What was my life? I'm 26 and I'll never know. Everything I've ever known is now meaningless, because it cannot save me. Whether paradise, hell or oblivion... all the time I spent seeking the purpose of this life, the nature of existence... to be someone I'm proud of, will amount to nothing.

What a fool I've been

Good luck.

 

[whitesumac]

When we die our energy goes back in to the universe my friend , you could be a new tree born ,or animal or a new born baby with no recollection of your past life , we don't go to heaven or hell, those are what we feel while alive , I'm living in hell suffering in chronic pain and depression with 2 serious illnesses that have put me in bed permanently cause it's to painful to walk i wish I had your guts , I've tried 4 to 5 times and I'm still here and it sucks ass suffering , I'm with you in your pain as I know how you feel !!!

 

[1043169]

Best of luck. I hope you find peace.

 

[Shadowpriest]

Bona mors!

 

[Nobody Special]

I feel like I should have more to say than I do. I wish I had gotten the chance to make friends here but oh well I suppose. I took a 4 hr trip, far from home. I'm in a motel somewhere... scenic I guess. It's late afternoon and I will taking a trip to the nearby beach in the evening.

It's a place I came to years ago, when I challenged myself to fight to live. Now here I return, alone, and on death's door. It feels, almost poetic... I love poetry... but no one will remember what I wrote. I'll be forgotten... but that's not really what scares me. Is there something I'm going to? Some divine judgement and unspeakable torment. Even now I'm trembling. But I've been afraid so long, about so many things, that I will just close my eyes and dive into the unknown.

This is not my last goodbye I hope. I will write again when I am setup tonight. It's odd being alone like this, not that my life was full of connection, but somehow "I never thought I'd die alone"... a lyric from Adam's Song, that fascinated me and now will become my own story in a way.

What was my life? I'm 26 and I'll never know. Everything I've ever known is now meaningless, because it cannot save me. Whether paradise, hell or oblivion... all the time I spent seeking the purpose of this life, the nature of existence... to be someone I'm proud of, will amount to nothing.

What a fool I've been

Godspeed. Adam's Song is also a song I relate to.

 

[UKscotty]

Rest in peace.

 

[Traveller12724]

Wish you a peaceful journey my friend! Best of luck to you!

 

[Placo]

Good luck, can I ask the method?

 

[thealteredmind]

bye brother

 

[spentspirit]

May your journey bring you peace, whichever side of life you end up on. I hope that the eternal will guide you.

 

[Unknown21]

Your words affected me. I hope you find your peace. Farewell, my friend.

 

[DOKTOR_G'HUL]

Here's hoping it's quick and quiet. Rest well, fellow.

 

[waterworks]

When we die our energy goes back in to the universe my friend , you could be a new tree born ,or animal or a new born baby with no recollection of your past life , we don't go to heaven or hell, those are what we feel while alive , I'm living in hell suffering in chronic pain and depression with 2 serious illnesses that have put me in bed permanently cause it's to painful to walk i wish I had your guts , I've tried 4 to 5 times and I'm still here and it sucks ass suffering , I'm with you in your pain as I know how you feel !!!

Thank you so much for your words. I really hope it's as you say, maybe I can come back as something or someone that brings joy to this life.

When we die our energy goes back in to the universe my friend , you could be a new tree born ,or animal or a new born baby with no recollection of your past life , we don't go to heaven or hell, those are what we feel while alive , I'm living in hell suffering in chronic pain and depression with 2 serious illnesses that have put me in bed permanently cause it's to painful to walk i wish I had your guts , I've tried 4 to 5 times and I'm still here and it sucks ass suffering , I'm with you in your pain as I know how you feel !!!

Thank you so much for your words. I really hope it's as you say, maybe I can come back as something or someone that brings joy to this life

Good luck, can I ask the method?

Thank you so much. It's inert gas

 

[mrtime87]

I feel like I should have more to say than I do. I wish I had gotten the chance to make friends here but oh well I suppose. I took a 4 hr trip, far from home. I'm in a motel somewhere... scenic I guess. It's late afternoon and I will taking a trip to the nearby beach in the evening.

It's a place I came to years ago, when I challenged myself to fight to live. Now here I return, alone, and on death's door. It feels, almost poetic... I love poetry... but no one will remember what I wrote. I'll be forgotten... but that's not really what scares me. Is there something I'm going to? Some divine judgement and unspeakable torment. Even now I'm trembling. But I've been afraid so long, about so many things, that I will just close my eyes and dive into the unknown.

This is not my last goodbye I hope. I will write again when I am setup tonight. It's odd being alone like this, not that my life was full of connection, but somehow "I never thought I'd die alone"... a lyric from Adam's Song, that fascinated me and now will become my own story in a way.

What was my life? I'm 26 and I'll never know. Everything I've ever known is now meaningless, because it cannot save me. Whether paradise, hell or oblivion... all the time I spent seeking the purpose of this life, the nature of existence... to be someone I'm proud of, will amount to nothing.

What a fool I've been

You will be missed...

 

[misatosdiary]

Rest in peace. Have a good sleep.

 

[thebelljarrr]

I loved reading ur posts. Bon voyage

 

[feelinggloomy]

Peace on your journey

 

[Kavka]

This really saddens me. I don't really know you, of course, but I really liked reading your posts and thoughts. The average quality of posts will drop dramatically when you're gone.

I know from your posts and your method that this is not an impulsive decision, and I don't know your personal circumstances, but you are still very young and statistically there may still be a chance for things to change for the better. Just like in the last part of Adam's song.

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
And I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

It's up to you whether the odds are worth the effort. Whatever you decide, good luck and I hope you get some peaceful rest, either temporarily or permanently.

 

[wheezle42]

Rest in peace. Wherever you are going, whatever the afterlife is or isn't, I doubt it's worst than here.

And if you can't pull through, we'll all still be here living our miserable lives, ready to support you till you can :)

<3

 

[whitesumac]

Look up the book of knowledge and it explains everything , governments indoctrinate society with material thinks and modern day slavery. Life is free and we shouldn't ever have to pay for living it's insane and the world is on the brink of nuclear war because of how toxic people have become to be the most powerful and that is what's going to end human kind so you're leaving a toxic place to go to another better place as im sure nothing is worse then suffering in your own mind it's like prison.. I won't be far behind you. I'm just not going to eat and my body will shit down im on day 3 no food by day 7 I'll start to become very sick as my intestines will build up bacteria and cause infection then it'll hurt for a bit until I become unconscious and then it's coma and then die with in 3 hrs after.

 

[enduringwinter]

You are not a fool and you don't have to amount to anything. To have existed is poetry.

Please enjoy your weekend trip and remember, you can always change your mind. No one will blame you.

I'll leave you a humble gift, one of my favourite poems, a tribute by the poet Fukuda Chiyo-ni to her deceased son.

Dragonfly hunter
How far has he traveled
today I wonder?

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I've enjoyed reading your posts when I've seen them. I'm sorry life brought you to this. But I hope, with whatever you decide, it's peaceful. It sounds like it will be since you're going with inert gas.

Safe travels

(Remember there's no shame in changing your mind either)

 

[Tesha]

You won't be dying alone, we're here with you. Travel safe on your journey.

 

[waterworks]

Thank you so much everyone, I never expected so many people to wish me well and give their kind words. I'm setup and I'm about to turn on the gas. I've read each one of your comments, kind wishes and varying opinions and I'm grateful for them all. Thank you for reading my posts, really. Thank you for the poetry, the goodbyes and for being who you are. Just... Thank you.

To the moderators, you can officially close my account.

Goodbye

 

[whitesumac]

When we die our energy goes back in to the universe my friend , you could be a new tree born ,or animal or a new born baby with no recollection of your past life , we don't go to heaven or hell, those are what we feel while alive , I'm living in hell suffering in chronic pain and depression with 2 serious illnesses that have put me in bed permanently cause it's to painful to walk i wish I had your guts , I've tried 4 to 5 times and I'm still here and it sucks ass suffering , I'm with you in your pain as I know how you feel !!!

If you go to my tiktok the white sumac you'll see what happens to us when we die
It's from the book of knowledge and it all makes logical sense

 

[shiyu123]

I hope you made the right choice and that it brings you a lot of peace, we love you <33 I hope you have the peace you want, If you don't succeed this time, that's okay! we will be here to support you!

 

[whitesumac]

Look up the book of knowledge and it explains everything , governments indoctrinate society with material thinks and modern day slavery. Life is free and we shouldn't ever have to pay for living it's insane and the world is on the brink of nuclear war because of how toxic people have become to be the most powerful and that is what's going to end human kind so you're leaving a toxic place to go to another better place as im sure nothing is worse then suffering in your own mind it's like prison.. I won't be far behind you. I'm just not going to eat and my body will shit down im on day 3 no food by day 7 I'll start to become very sick as my intestines will build up bacteria and cause infection then it'll hurt for a bit until I become unconscious and then it's coma and then die with in 3 hrs after.

This is what happened last time I was majorly depressed and a friend took me to hospital , I was 2 hrs from being dead this time I'm not going to the hospital