Venting Tomorrow is my 20th birthday and it will be the 5th year i spent it alone.

[Covalite]

So I don't know how I'm going to handle tomorrow. Things have been in repetitive yet downward spiral in my life for a long time now. I don't have a means to ctb tommorow but i wish I did. I just cant take the pressure of being alone and constantly doing the same thing no matter how much I try my a** off to change it. I just wanna vanish not that any one would notice. I just dont wana be alone any more i just want someone comfort me. Also one the biggest reasons i haven't ctb is fear of dying alone. Thats also why i have often attempted in public spaces vs alone in my tiny apartment. I just want some words of engorgement to let me know I'm not alone and im not a complete waste of oxygen. Also sorry this is also kinda venting but i do need some help and kind words so i can at least get out of bed tomorrow to feed my fish. (Edit was changing it to venting and fixing typos.)

 

[Haruka]

Hi, I understand how you feel to an extent. I turn 20 this summer and I really do not want to. Is there anything you want to do tomorrow, like, anything positive? You deserve to have a special birthday so please try to make it as good as a day as you can. We will all be here for you tomorrow. You are also free to DM me anytime

 

[Covalite]

Hi, I understand how you feel to an extent. I turn 20 this summer and I really do not want to. Is there anything you want to do tomorrow, like, anything positive? You deserve to have a special birthday so please try to make it as good as a day as you can. We will all be here for you tomorrow. You are also free to DM me anytime

I have nothing i can do tommorow. I cant drive and my anxity/bordering on parnoia is so bad i cant use the bus without constant panic attacks. As for at my place it just the same old same old. I might consider DMing you tommorow but new to the site so cant yet but thank you.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry; I know how much it hurts to be lonely and not have anyone to share life with. What do you wish you were doing instead of your usual routine?

 

[Covalite]

I'm sorry; I know how much it hurts to be lonely and not have anyone to share life with. What do you wish you were doing instead of your usual routine?

Being with friends and family and just fealing loved... But my family could give less than 2 shits and i have no irl friends.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Being with friends and family and just fealing loved... But my family could give less than 2 shits and i have no irl friends.

So you have friends online then? Did you ever have irl friends?

 

[sparkle]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I know how it feels to have no one to turn to, it truly makes life unbearable. I pay no attention to my birthday any more, I have not for years, this is how I choose to cope. Though if you choose to do something special, I wish you a pleasant day tomorrow. If you are feeling alone, you can send me a message some time, and I will get back to you whenever I can.

 

[Covalite]

So you have friends online then? Did you ever have irl friends?

Yes, before my mom kicked me out by purposefully getting cps involved so 4 years ago. Spent the last 2 years of my teen hood in residentials and mental hospitails cause no one would take me not even group homes due to me being so distraught by being disowned and the lies my mother told cps about me. I didn't have a phone cause of no one would pay for one and before that mom wouldn't let me have one so lost contact. Also the year before i basicly got kicked out I was in a mental hospital... The last 2 years I've been struggling to survive. Luckly i have an apartment but i don't know for how much longer. Also im unhireable due to no HS diplomia and my sever anxiety bordering on paranoia. So basicly i feal like a parasite living on SSI.
Edit below this
I forgot to add i do have online freinds but most of them are mostly just gameing buddies. Nothing very personal. Like IDK I'm not really close to any one in my online freind group and we dont talk much outside of video game stuff.

 

[catastrophix]

I recently turned 20 in February, and it definitely triggered some kind of depression episode in me. While I'm not completely alone, I haven't had friends since I was 14 or so, so I empathize with you. I'm really sorry to hear about your difficult situation, and your emotions and fears are completely understandable and valid. I wish I could say more to help, but just know that you are not alone, and you are definitely not a waste of oxygen, even if that's what your brain is telling you. I hope that tomorrow isn't as bad as you anticipate, but if it is, you can always come here to vent if need be. I wish you good luck to get through anything difficult that lies ahead. :)

 

[Covalite]

I recently turned 20 in February, and it definitely triggered some kind of depression episode in me. While I'm not completely alone, I haven't had friends since I was 14 or so, so I empathize with you. I'm really sorry to hear about your difficult situation, and your emotions and fears are completely understandable and valid. I wish I could say more to help, but just know that you are not alone, and you are definitely not a waste of oxygen, even if that's what your brain is telling you. I hope that tomorrow isn't as bad as you anticipate, but if it is, you can always come here to vent if need be. I wish you good luck to get through anything difficult that lies ahead. :)

Thanks for sharing what you gone through, its nice in a weird way to know im nof alone. Also i really appreciate the kind words, its nice to know im welcome here.

 

[Covalite]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I know how it feels to have no one to turn to, it truly makes life unbearable. I pay no attention to my birthday any more, I have not for years, this is how I choose to cope. Though if you choose to do something special, I wish you a pleasant day tomorrow. If you are feeling alone, you can send me a message some time, and I will get back to you whenever I can.

Thank you for the kind words and I might take you up on your offer of sending a dm

 

[boblong]

Happy birthday !

 

[Covalite]

Happy birthday !

Thanks but idk. No one in my life will even be available to pop by let alone let me indulge in life for once... At this point my B day and X Mas (the only 2 holidays i reguraly celebrated as a kid) have become synonymous for loneliness and abandonment. I wish a happy birth day would make me feal something besides a deep selfloathing and fury at those who left me but that just what im fealing rn sorry for this mini vent.

 

[Haruka]

I have nothing i can do tommorow. I cant drive and my anxity/bordering on parnoia is so bad i cant use the bus without constant panic attacks. As for at my place it just the same old same old. I might consider DMing you tommorow but new to the site so cant yet but thank you.

That's alright, is it your birthday today? If it is I hope you are spending it as well as you can, have you been up to anything today? And no problem just DM me when you can or want to :)

 

[itchygator]

Hi, I understand how you feel to an extent. I turn 20 this summer and I really do not want to. Is there anything you want to do tomorrow, like, anything positive? You deserve to have a special birthday so please try to make it as good as a day as you can. We will all be here for you tomorrow. You are also free to DM me anytime

Same here.