Venting Told my therapist I have a sui plan

[Bedrock48]

Idk how exactly it happened, it just slipped out after being honest about an overdose that week (the overdose was more sh than anything).

She asked all the usual questions and since I couldn't tell her the method she tried asking questions to work it out herself (will you be at home, where will you be going, will it involve rope etc etc). She couldn't figure it out but made another appointment for a weeks time.

Luckily she's been relatively chill about it and doesn't have plans on putting me in a psych hold just yet. It feels nice having somebody knowing irl in a way but I'm still paranoid about her taking things away from me. Simply existing in this way is so draining.

Still on the fence about going through with it, I want to ctb so badly still but I worry I'll get cold feet and waste time and money on getting to my location. I was so sure last week but I changed plans yet again.

Ultimately, possibly against my better judgement, I'm still trying to recover. It feels mad giving up after fighting so hard to get to where I am right now but I'm so tired of it all.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I totally get it. Once all the plans are in place and you have nothing to do but wait things start to not feel that bad and you end up questioning the decision. Sometimes I feel like people here can be too biased towards committing suicide instead of simply being pro choice (not everyone, but people who are polarized tend to speak louder). I'm in the same boat where I have things planned out, but now I want to discuss with my therapist, not to talk myself out of it, but to really understand my own decision more fully.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Did they ask WHEN you'd be doing it? It's hit or miss when a therapists knows you have parts of a plan whether they'll lock you up or not.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I understand how you feel. Even though it's against my better judgment as well, I'd like to encourage you to try a little more, maybe? If there's still some strength left in you, of course. I just want you to be absolutely sure. It's really important to be sure about something like suicide. I hope you'll figure it out eventually.


I'm still amazed how the system works in the West. My therapist didn't care one bit. And most of them either. They can just lock me up. Which is a big plus for me. At least something is good in Russia:):):)

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you are not in a psych ward. Being in one of them is one of the things that I fear. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Bedrock48]

I totally get it. Once all the plans are in place and you have nothing to do but wait things start to not feel that bad and you end up questioning the decision.

It's strange phenomenon but, at leasy for me, I feel it happens because I have that exit door. It's no longer a thing to worry about and just something I can do whenever.

I'm in the same boat where I have things planned out, but now I want to discuss with my therapist, not to talk myself out of it, but to really understand my own decision more fully

Sounds like a pretty rational thing tbh. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something really interesting about yourself and if it makes you find a new spark for life then hell yeah take that opportunity. If not then at least you've talked through things and made as much if an informed decision as possible.

Did they ask WHEN you'd be doing it? It's hit or miss when a therapists knows you have parts of a plan whether they'll lock you up or not.

She didn't actually, now you've mentioned it that seems like something she should've asked. However, we did run over time a little so it probably slipped their mind. I've been pretty lucky so far and they've just let me talk things out so fingers crossed that doesn't change anytime soon.

I understand how you feel. Even though it's against my better judgment as well, I'd like to encourage you to try a little more, maybe? If there's still some strength left in you, of course. I just want you to be absolutely sure. It's really important to be sure about something like suicide. I hope you'll figure it out eventually.


I'm still amazed how the system works in the West. My therapist didn't care one bit. And most of them either. They can just lock me up. Which is a big plus for me. At least something is good in Russia:):):)

Appreciate it, I'll do my best to try. Most of my strength is currently just spent on the basics of sustaining myself but at least it's something. Thank you for looking out for me and yeah, I want to feel certain first too.

I'm always shocked at places like America if you so much as breathe wrong in your therapy appointment aha. That sounds nice, therapy always works better when you feel you don't need to censor yourself. Take care.

At least you are not in a psych ward. Being in one of them is one of the things that I fear. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Aha yeah, really glad of that. I was in one as a teenager and it was quite a riot there but I imagine adults one are much more stressful and unpleasant. Not something I plan to find out. Thank you.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Appreciate it, I'll do my best to try. Most of my strength is currently just spent on the basics of sustaining myself but at least it's something. Thank you for looking out for me and yeah, I want to feel certain first too.

I'm always shocked at places like America if you so much as breathe wrong in your therapy appointment aha. That sounds nice, therapy always works better when you feel you don't need to censor yourself. Take care.

I really hope you will feel certain, one way or another. I also hope you'll get better. You deserve happiness whatever it means for you.

 

[Crazy4u]

I am glad your therapist listenee to you and didn't judge you. We need more therapists like this

 

[Bedrock48]

Welp, only a matter of hours until the appointment. Haven't slept a single second and I don't think I will. It'll probably be fine but ig we'll see where we end up. Useful advice, useless advice or the psych ward? Guess there's only one way to find out.