thankyou
Thank you 🙏
- Mar 2, 2023
- 64
As I've stated in previous posts, my current partner of 1 year is the first person in my nearly 30 years of life who isn't an abusive person taking advantage of my autism. It's been wild dating them because they're also making everyone from my past look so much worse, which has been a lot to process. My family & "friends" do not care about me at all. I've expressed wanting to die and their reactions are basically "kill yourself see if I care."
Well I told my partner about the rope I keep in my car in case things get bad, half jokingly (tho I am serious) and they started crying profusely, so bad that they started vomiting everywhere, to the point they isolated themselves in the bathroom to keep crying, vomitting, and convulsing. It was a mess. Like not only is this person the most sensitive I've ever known, but is also way more sensitive than the average person too. They're so innocent to be honest. When I tell them about regular trauma I endured that's only the tip of the iceberg, they emotionally cannot handle it. This is why I haven't even told them the worst of it. I know I need to reserve that for a therapist, but none of the therapists covered by my insurance can help me. So I just post anonymously on the internet instead.
It's going to suck for them when I die. I don't want to pass my sadness onto them by ending my life. I hate that I met them now, 30 years too late. I wanted to end my life before I met them and wish I had done so sooner. I just can't keep enduring the pain just for them. For 1 person "good" in my life can't erase the bad of severe family abuse, domestic abuse, ostracization from all my peers, for nearly 30 years. They have no clue how much pain I'm in, they can't even begin to comprehend it. I feel lucky to have someone who finally cares but also know it's a matter of time before my pain dims their light. Im already too depressed to do basic tasks and it's getting to them. They're not even dating me anymore at this point because I'm a shell of a person who never leaves the house. We're not even a relationship anymore, they're just my caretaker at this point. I give up.
Well I told my partner about the rope I keep in my car in case things get bad, half jokingly (tho I am serious) and they started crying profusely, so bad that they started vomiting everywhere, to the point they isolated themselves in the bathroom to keep crying, vomitting, and convulsing. It was a mess. Like not only is this person the most sensitive I've ever known, but is also way more sensitive than the average person too. They're so innocent to be honest. When I tell them about regular trauma I endured that's only the tip of the iceberg, they emotionally cannot handle it. This is why I haven't even told them the worst of it. I know I need to reserve that for a therapist, but none of the therapists covered by my insurance can help me. So I just post anonymously on the internet instead.
It's going to suck for them when I die. I don't want to pass my sadness onto them by ending my life. I hate that I met them now, 30 years too late. I wanted to end my life before I met them and wish I had done so sooner. I just can't keep enduring the pain just for them. For 1 person "good" in my life can't erase the bad of severe family abuse, domestic abuse, ostracization from all my peers, for nearly 30 years. They have no clue how much pain I'm in, they can't even begin to comprehend it. I feel lucky to have someone who finally cares but also know it's a matter of time before my pain dims their light. Im already too depressed to do basic tasks and it's getting to them. They're not even dating me anymore at this point because I'm a shell of a person who never leaves the house. We're not even a relationship anymore, they're just my caretaker at this point. I give up.
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