Venting Todays the day boys.

[MsPotts]

I think I've finally had enough of this bullshit. I've been fasting for almost 24 hours. I plan on having a couple more drinks later. And then starting the regiment. Is part of this out of spite? Sure, but I mean, dont we all have that 1 person we hope gets stung. I'm over never doing things right, I'm over the shitty jobs, the crappy people, the rude drivers. I'm ready to go. I'll miss my family. But I cant watch them die. Call me pathetic, call it life, idc. What a waste of space Ive become lol. I hope the otherside is emptiness so I can just rest.

 

[watereyes]

I'm so sorry I keep arguing that death is good etc, but seeing people ctb here always breaks my heart

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I don't find you pathetic. What I am more apt to find pathetic are people who can not call it quits and who cling to life under any and all circumstances and who can not let go.

Whatever you decide to do, it is all right.

Is someone in your family dying right now, or why did you bring this up?

 

[William Barker]

I think I've finally had enough of this bullshit. I've been fasting for almost 24 hours. I plan on having a couple more drinks later. And then starting the regiment. Is part of this out of spite? Sure, but I mean, dont we all have that 1 person we hope gets stung. I'm over never doing things right, I'm over the shitty jobs, the crappy people, the rude drivers. I'm ready to go. I'll miss my family. But I cant watch them die. Call me pathetic, call it life, idc. What a waste of space Ive become lol. I hope the otherside is emptiness so I can just rest.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way about my life.

 

[Rockman]

Im with you. Hugs.

 

[diyCTB]

You have no idea how it breaks my heart my angel...
Too bad I noticed you on this forum so late.
I wish we would meet under better circumstances.
I hoped you will stay longer, even a bit.
I wanted to be closer to you.

I am dedicating this song to you.
It describes how I feel about you.

I hope you will be happy on the other side.
I wish you a peaceful and safe journey.

 

[waterbottleman]

I think I've finally had enough of this bullshit. I've been fasting for almost 24 hours. I plan on having a couple more drinks later. And then starting the regiment. Is part of this out of spite? Sure, but I mean, dont we all have that 1 person we hope gets stung. I'm over never doing things right, I'm over the shitty jobs, the crappy people, the rude drivers. I'm ready to go. I'll miss my family. But I cant watch them die. Call me pathetic, call it life, idc. What a waste of space Ive become lol. I hope the otherside is emptiness so I can just rest.

Perhaps I'm mistaken but this to me sounds like your decision to ctb is from a place of spontaneity and impulse which I think is a mistake. If you feel bad I totally understand but I really think you should try to take a step back and just breath. Sometimes when I feel bad I just go outside to feel the breeze across my face. Idk why but the wind across my face calms me, makes me feel like I'm still human.

Once you ctb it's permanent. It is for that reason that I believe doing it out of a temporary spike of emotions isn't wise.

To me suicide is like grocery shopping. I don't want to go to the grocery store starving cause I'll probably just buy a bunch of junk food and regret it later, a lot better to go to the grocery store with a list you came up with ahead of time when you're rational and not starving. Same concept with suicide imo, don't do it out of intense emotions in the present moment.

 

[MsPotts]

I know it's pretty impulsive, but doesnt it sort of have to be? Im struggling with finding happiness.

 

[reapandsow918]

I hope you pass peacefully Ms. Potts what method will you be using?

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm sorry beautiful ..

I believe the most suckiest thing about ctb'ing to spite someone, is that u don't get to "see" them suffer, n they eventually move on..SOBs..

 

[William Barker]

I know it's pretty impulsive, but doesnt it sort of have to be? Im struggling with finding happiness.

Victims; aren't we all?

I buried my happiness years ago and the only way to get it back is to join it in the earthy below.

I sympathize with your pain

 

[MsPotts]

I hope you pass peacefully Ms. Potts what method will you be using?

I'll be doing SN.

 

[Rockman]

Do you plan updating? Good luck.

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to go ahead then I pray for a safe and peaceful passage for you, and that you will arrive at a place of beauty and grace.

 

[Jumper Geo]

So sad you feel you can't go on I hope you have reached out to people you can trust and you've explored all other options before ctb, wow 24 hour fast you must be serious I hope you have a peaceful and painless journey and you find peace .

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry things are so bad for you. I wish you peace.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I know it's pretty impulsive, but doesnt it sort of have to be? Im struggling with finding happiness.

I fully understand you in your desire and struggle to be happy.
Are you sure it is completely out of reach and not possible in the future?

 

[Brackenshire]

It's tough times right now...if any doubt give it a few days..cbt will still be there
I respect your decision

 

[Ulisses]

we met on the way. Peace

 

[MsPotts]

Thanks everyone for the love and support. I'm going to aim for later this evening. Maybe closer to 2 in the morning. I had some coffee, and I want to make sure it's our of my system. I be updating everyone as I go. I hope I dont change my mind.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

You're not alone, dudette. I made an account because I really do understand what you're going through. Sure, it's sad to see you go but continuing to live to satisfy someone's ego, consciousness, and well-being is too cruel. If surivival instincts kick in and you end up calling for help, I just wanna let you know that's okay too and you can try again next time and talk to us. No one is here to judge you and almost everyone on this site seems incredibly kind and empathetic with this kind of stuff. I have faith you can do what you want to do in time and you're not alone. Just talk to us and no matter what, the journey will be fine. SN is super salty and a something small and sweet like those chocolate lindor truffles help curb the saltiness without affecting how the sodium nitrite is absorbed. This is a super peaceful method and I'm sure you'll be okay. If anyone else wants to take this route too, since that's what I'm doing, there's a fantastic guide called Stan's Guide to SN in this forum. Just search for it if you want.

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry to see you go. Peace and love to you whatever you decide.
I hate to see you go, but at the same time I understand. We are here if you need to talk.

 

[MsPotts]

So its 11pm my time. I'm not in the right state of mind right now. I think I'm gonna put a movie in and stay awake until my brain turns concrete in SOMETHING. It's like I'm floating and everything js made up. Havent taken anything yet. I fucking hate myself. I cant even kill myself right. Lmfao. Why is this so difficult, why do we push onward, knowing the inevitable? I'll wait to call a crisis center.

 

[William Barker]

So its 11pm my time. I'm not in the right state of mind right now. I think I'm gonna put a movie in and stay awake until my brain turns concrete in SOMETHING. It's like I'm floating and everything js made up. Havent taken anything yet. I fucking hate myself. I cant even kill myself right. Lmfao. Why is this so difficult, why do we push onward, knowing the inevitable? I'll wait to call a crisis center.

Perhaps it's so difficult because you aren't ready to roll over and die yet? You still have some fight left in you; your fire, though dwindling, has not gone out yet.

It's okay you aren't your biggest fan right now. Most of us here feel the same way about ourselves.

And that's okay.

And it's okay to just be okay.

And there's no shame in dreaming the impossible dream.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

 

[Lotus]

I hope that you're in a place where you're calm and able to think clearly. When it's time we'll support your decision to go. Even if it's today, in a month or perhaps never. Lots of hugs.

 

[MsPotts]

I feel so stupid right now.... it's almost 2am. I havent finished my letters.... I need to take my money out of the bank. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Except chickening out. I know I dont want to be here for my birthday... but maybe tonight isnt the night... I'm unprepared. I'll stop making excuses. Im sorry for wasting everyone's time.... I'll be in a better spot later this week to do it. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck

 

[Angkorian]

it's okay to feel that way... take all the time you need to be ready and be at peace about doing whatever you decide to do. get a good night sleep and get a clear head. maybe tomorrow you'll get a better perspective and make up ur mind better... and most importantly don't rush anything, just do it when you're ready

 

[Brackenshire]

Sending you a virtual big hug...im glad your staying for a while..you will know without doubt when its time

 

[glitterproof]

I'm not sure what I'm doing. Except chickening out.

There's nothing cowardly about making the decision not to leave and there's an innate amount of bravery for sticking around. I wish you peace wherever your life takes you.

 

[Quarky00]

I feel so stupid right now.... it's almost 2am. I havent finished my letters.... I need to take my money out of the bank. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Except chickening out. I know I dont want to be here for my birthday... but maybe tonight isnt the night... I'm unprepared. I'll stop making excuses. Im sorry for wasting everyone's time.... I'll be in a better spot later this week to do it. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck

You're not stupid .. You're not chikening out .. We're not perfect and we can't do everything perfectly, especially such a huge thing as ctb, It's okay I understand the turmoil , and that you are upset by this failed plan. Do your letters , take the money out , you have time to ctb . You're not wasting our time and your excuses are actually totally legit .

Otherwise , yeah , fuckfuckfuck . Totally .