Today would be the perfect opportunity to go...but..

[Jessi76]

Today I would be alone long enough...all the neighbors are out today and I would have more than enough time to complete my CTB with SN. But my problem is that I'm invited to my parents' house the day after tomorrow on Easter Sunday. My father would come to pick me up and then find me. My CTB would be bad enough for my parents. But if they found me dead on Easter, even though they were looking forward to my visit, they would most likely destroy them.
Just thinking about this situation makes me very sad.
I wish I couldn't care less...I've been waiting for this perfect opportunity for so long and I don't know when the next one will come.
I wish I cared less about how others - especially my parents - will fare with my CTB. But I don't want to make it any worse for her than it's already going to be.
Or is that just an excuse from my SI to keep putting off CTB? I don't know...But I know that I'm despairing that I could finally go - would most likely be successful - but I can't because of my parents.
But they just don't deserve something like that...but then again, what about me? All the crap, all the crappy life, will continue for me.

I'm still going to start fasting right away and see what I do or don't do. How I feel when I can pull off CTB. But I'm afraid I can't do it anyway because of my parents...It really sucks.

I'm so glad that this forum exists and that I can write so openly about everything - even if I don't do it often

 

[Ash]

You could write a delayed email to the police asking them to check the house tomorrow (Saturday). But it will mean that your family will always associate Easter with your death.

 

[Jessi76]

You could write a delayed email to the police asking them to check the house tomorrow (Saturday). But it will mean that your family will always associate Easter with your death.

Good idea, but what if I fail or can't pull it off? And yes, Easter will be a permanent reminder to her - but then again, that will probably be the case anyway because I visited her every Easter

 

[Sethy]

I understand your situation very well. Please if you need to talk about all of this or anything. We definitely can! I am here.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I actually enjoy it when things happen on holidays because they are memories I will never forget.

So, if you die on a holiday, people will remember you every time Easter rolls around.

I wouldn't want to ruin someone else's special day, such as a wedding.

Yet, Easter, Christmas, and even birthdays are all acceptable dates.

Remember that your natural death can happen at any time! So, what's the difference?

 

[Jessi76]

I actually enjoy it when things happen on holidays because they are memories I will never forget.

So, if you die on a holiday, people will remember you every time Easter rolls around.

I wouldn't want to ruin someone else's special day, such as a wedding.

Yet, Easter, Christmas, and even birthdays are all acceptable dates.

Remember that your natural death can happen at any time! So, what's the difference?

Those were my thoughts this morning too...what if I died of natural causes today (which would just be great)?
And as I wrote above, they would remember me at Easter anyway. But the memory for my father of finding my body on Easter? While they look forward to my visit ? It seems so cruel to me.
Natural death is unpredictable, but I can influence the time of death from CTB myself...that's my problem and that I don't know when the next perfect time will come and how soon it would come.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Those were my thoughts this morning too...what if I died of natural causes today (which would just be great)?
And as I wrote above, they would remember me at Easter anyway. But the memory for my father of finding my body on Easter? While they look forward to my visit ? It seems so cruel to me.
Natural death is unpredictable, but I can influence the time of death from CTB myself...that's my problem and that I don't know when the next perfect time will come and how soon it would come.

It appears that the problem is your father finding you. I agree: don't do it if your parents are coming over.

Don't ever do something that doesn't feel right. You have plans with your parents this weekend, so now is not the right time.

Enjoy Easter with your family!

 

[Jessi76]

It appears that the problem is your father finding you. I agree: don't do it if your parents are coming over.

Don't ever do something that doesn't feel right. You have plans with your parents this weekend, so now is not the right time.

Enjoy Easter with your family!

Many thanks for your response.
Yes, unfortunately it feels wrong...on the other hand, isn't it time to think about myself and not just about others?
I'll think about everything again calmly and weigh it up.
And maybe the next opportunity will come sooner than expected. I certainly hope so...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation. Only you can know, when is the right time. That's the ever unsolvable problem for all of us someone is always gonna suffer. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope you find peace.

 

[Jessi76]

I'm sorry you are in such a tough situation. Only you can know, when is the right time. That's the ever unsolvable problem for all of us someone is always gonna suffer. Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope you find peace.

Thank you for your kind words...Yes, it's really hard when the opportunity is perfect but the timing isn't right...