Today was supposed to be ctb

[Gromit-CTB]

Had a plan to ctb today but it fell through. Waking up this morning was horrible, hate still being here. Why can I just not die. Having to think of another day on this rock is crushing.

 

[darksideofthebright]

I am so sorry your plan fell through, you do deserve to find the peace you're looking for!

Don't be so harsh on yourself, because life is already harsh enough. I hope you can get some good rest mentally and physically, and I am here if you need to vent.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I am so sorry your plan fell through, you do deserve to find the peace you're looking for!

Don't be so harsh on yourself, because life is already harsh enough. I hope you can get some good rest mentally and physically, and I am here if you need to vent.

I just want to be on the bus. Life was done years ago now just barely existing

 

[darksideofthebright]

I just want to be on the bus. Life was done years ago now just barely existing

Would you mind if I asked you how your plan fell through? If you feel uncomfortable talking about it, it's absolutely understandable!

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Just the option I had for today was taken away. Not sure I will get an option like that again. Think I will have to force myself to travel and jump somewhere which was not my original plan or my back up

 

[darksideofthebright]

That's terrible, having that taken away is like having your exit door being closed up in a fire. I don't fully know your circumstances so I can't really offer anything but an ear to listen to your story to help you distract yourself right now.
Does anyone else know about your other ctb plan or method?

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Not anyone in real world, they all think I'm fine and everything normal. Can't tell them as they are pro life and when I've said it before over the decades have been ignored and called stupid. Just wish I had a way out

 

[sadworld]

I'm sorry that life is so hard on you I'm sure you'll get another chance to ctb. I'll give you all the hugs you want!

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I'm sorry that life is so hard on you I'm sure you'll get another chance to ctb. I'll give you all the hugs you want!

Thank you wish they were real. Should have died at 18 but 30 years later am still here

 

[darksideofthebright]

Not anyone in real world, they all think I'm fine and everything normal. Can't tell them as they are pro life and when I've said it before over the decades have been ignored and called stupid. Just wish I had a way out

I am so sorry that life is putting so much pressure on you. I hope that you can find another way out of these miseries.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I am so sorry that life is putting so much pressure on you. I hope that you can find another way out of these miseries.

Only one way out and that's the bus. Have tried so hard to do the life thing. Now just need the bus to pick me up

 

[yive]

Only one way out and that's the bus. Have tried so hard to do the life thing. Now just need the bus to pick me up

i'm in the same situation, my friend.
keep researching, you will definitely find a reliable method. and i hope you can get the long awaited SN.
i send you my energy and love

 

[Gromit-CTB]

i'm in the same situation, my friend.
keep researching, you will definitely find a reliable method. and i hope you can get the long awaited SN.
i send you my energy and love

Think I have to give up on SN, not going to happen. Will have to jump instead, have all my best friends notes on jumping 21 pages of them. Looks like my best option

 

[Lilacmoon]

please do not stress so much about having missed your date. i know the pain, but don'tpush yourself to do it on impulse.
i hope you find the solace you are looking for and that your suffering may end.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

please do not stress so much about having missed your date. i know the pain, but don'tpush yourself to do it on impulse.
i hope you find the solace you are looking for and that your suffering may end.

I've spent 3 months planning ctb 2 different plans, in that time have lost 2 very close friends both ctb and a friend on here ctb. My 2 close friends both jumped on impulse (brought forward dates). I have to go next week because otherwise I will end up in hospital again and maybe for good this time.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I've spent 3 months planning ctb 2 different plans, in that time have lost 2 very close friends both ctb and a friend on here ctb. My 2 close friends both jumped on impulse (brought forward dates). I have to go in next week because otherwise I will end up in hospital again and maybe for good this time.

losing friends to ctb is never easy. i'm sorry that you've gone through that.
i also have to go soon or i may end up hospitalized for a long while.
have a worthless virtual hug?

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Thanks for hug, one back for you as well.

Don't mind loosing friends to ctb as I know they are at peace now. Am upset as one was going to help me jump with him but he couldn't wait a few more weeks. Then loosing chance of SN has made me realize i.just need to go.

 

[UglyDuck666]

Be safe and find Your perfect time. I know about useless of my words, but don't forcing Yourself, ok? But if You do this... I hope it's gonna be end of Your suffering and bus will coming quickly and painless.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

So do I. Can't have yet another failure to my name

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I can't ctb.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I can't ctb.

Any reason why or just SI kicks in

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

Because I'm in hospistal

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Because I'm in hospistal

Sorry to hear that. Hope you get out soon and can make plans

 

[ecmnesia]

if it comforts you, i was supposed to do it tomorrow, had everything planned and gave up because of tiny little moment of hope, now I'm stuck here unless I rush things, which i will probably do.

may i ask what happened?

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Can't really say but had opportunity of SN and now I don't. Totally screwed me up and feel I will now ctb on impulse which was never good for previous failed attempts.

Are you going to see how things go and see if you can get an improvement in life. Been following your journey a while now

 

[ecmnesia]

Can't really say but had opportunity of SN and now I don't. Totally screwed me up and feel I will now ctb on impulse which was never goo for previous failed attempts.

Are you going to see how things go and see if you can get an improvement in life. Been following your journey a while now

i am sorry to hear that.

i should, i guess, but i don't think it will happen, i lack strenght to do so and can't really change anything. things are too fucked up to be fixed.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

i am sorry to hear that.

i should, i guess, but i don't think it will happen, i lack strenght to do so and can't really change anything. things are too fucked up to be fixed.

Really sorry to hear that. We sometimes find strength we never knew we had. You will work out what you need to do and one way or other you will find a solution

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry SN didn't work out. It doesn't sound like you want to jump. maybe take a bit of time to come up with a plan that is more comforting to you since acting in desperation or impulse might lead to more disappointment and frustration.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Sorry SN didn't work out. It doesn't sound like you want to jump. maybe take a bit of time to come up with a plan that is more comforting to you since acting in desperation or impulse might lead to more disappointment and frustration.

Not sure I can continue much longer, am tormented all day long by my head and what little sleep I get also my dreams torment me. Not trying to say I'm worse off than anyone else but having got to 48 and so many failed attempts I just need to leave this rock. Really don't want to jump but don't want to live either

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Don't have much comfort to give but same ngl, I feel like this a lot since I want to ctb but lack the motivation for it