Discussion Today was meant to be the day and I have bottled it.

[Hangm4n]

So today was meant to be the day I do full suspension. Will not be disturbed for literally the whole day, I could go literally 8-10 hours alone at home today the perfect opportunity but I've prevented myself from doing it. I can't even bring myself to get the rope from my car.

I feel like I've failed at yet another thing. I may change my mind but I don't think I have the courage to do it.

:( feeling very sad as I feel like life is just going to get so hard from now and I know I'll be kicking myself wishing I Done it. Has anybody else had this?

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is no shame in waiting and thinking about things more.
There are many here that can relate and lend an ear. ❤

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

So today was meant to be the day I do full suspension. Will not be disturbed for literally the whole day, I could go literally 8-10 hours alone at home today the perfect opportunity but I've prevented myself from doing it. I can't even bring myself to get the rope from my car.

I feel like I've failed at yet another thing. I may change my mind but I don't think I have the courage to do it.

:( feeling very sad as I feel like life is just going to get so hard from now and I know I'll be kicking myself wishing I Done it. Has anybody else had this?

Probably you just didn't lose all hope. Neither do I. It's okay to wait for the right time. Sit and think, is it possible for you to go on or is it impossible?
Don't feel bad. We are hesistant as you are. :(

 

[AxsenInsomnia]

I wish I would've done it right after dropping out of high school honestly. It's been years now and every year has just been worse and there seems to be no end to how bad it can get lol. Every time I see hope it's shot down and makes me wish I died before seeing myself become the way I am. Yeah I get those feelings a lot.

There's always opportunities though. Nothing jumped out and saved me this past decade so I know waiting isn't always good. But I guess until the next time comes you can think whether the pain you're enduring is worth it or not.

 

[SoupSnakes]

So sorry you feel this way. I always believe that you should take time to make this decision and you should feel content with it, it shouldn't feel rushed, you definitely shouldn't feel like you've failed or anything even close to that!

There are lots of people on here to support you should you need it, my PM is always open if you ever need to talk. Please don't feel disappointed

 

[Pastmysellbydate]

Im sorry to hear you are feeling that way. It is good to rethink as much as possible before committing. I am in a low place myself now and have been for a few years now, can't shake it and not sure how to go on. Always thought i was not the suicidal type but there is no type is there. It's just life and circumstances that define us and the choices we make that result in our inevitabilities.

 

[I screwed up]

U dont have to feel ashamed or like a failure my friend. CTBing is not as easy as one may think else a lot of us here would have already done it. Our SI is a real bitch .. We r programmed to live and its really tough to overcome the urge. So take ur time , wait for the right time ..

 

[Hangm4n]

I am rethinking it. Thanks guys for the messages, the support is great here. I feel like maybe it's not my time. My life is nowhere near as bad as some of the people have it on here, so I think I'll probably need to be more grateful. I'll be measuring how I'm feeling and I'll speak to my doctor because I feel like I'm either bipolar or heavily depressed neither I've been diagnosed for so maybe that's a start I don't know

 

[I screwed up]

I am rethinking it. Thanks guys for the messages, the support is great here. I feel like maybe it's not my time. My life is nowhere near as bad as some of the people have it on here, so I think I'll probably need to be more grateful. I'll be measuring how I'm feeling and I'll speak to my doctor because I feel like I'm either bipolar or heavily depressed neither I've been diagnosed for so maybe that's a start I don't know

That's a start buddy ... Good for u. I m glad u giving life another shot ..

 

[Hangm4n]

That's a start buddy ... Good for u. I m glad u giving life another shot ..

I genuinely don't know yet. I'm so torn between giving life another go or just leaving this world. As much as I should be grateful for what I have, I didn't really want to be born if I'm honest.My suffering with my mental state is something I don't want people seeing. Such a tough decision these next 24 hours will be important to this decision tbh

 

[LMLN]

I genuinely don't know yet. I'm so torn between giving life another go or just leaving this world. As much as I should be grateful for what I have, I didn't really want to be born if I'm honest.My suffering with my mental state is something I don't want people seeing. Such a tough decision these next 24 hours will be important to this decision tbh

Just remember you dont have to decide yes or no now. You can think about it more.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

I genuinely don't know yet. I'm so torn between giving life another go or just leaving this world. As much as I should be grateful for what I have, I didn't really want to be born if I'm honest.My suffering with my mental state is something I don't want people seeing. Such a tough decision these next 24 hours will be important to this decision tbh

This not about being grateful or ungrateful. I'm sick since I was 12. Thinking about death, being afraid of people, and extremely vulnerable. Depression hits for no reason and it's inevitable.
This should be a mental illnes. My psychiatrist suspected that it could be bipolar disorder. Then I stopped seeing him, because I don't want to know. Even if I am bipolar it won't change anything. Sometimes it gets better but in the end I will always fall into that deep, dark, neverending pit. Plus medicine will make me numb, especially the medicine for bipolar are extremely intense; it will turn me into a zombie.
I'm not normal, and I hate it.