Today maybe

[puella]

My family is having a dumb Christmas celebration I don't want to go to tomorrow. Why are they having it so early? And I was entered into a secret santa thing without being asked if I wanted to, so now I'm expected to get a gift I have no money for.

I thought I wanted to let my family see me before I CTB, but I just don't. I don't care if it makes me a bad person—selfish or whatever. No one else is an angle. Everyone has been mean to me before. Why should I have to be around people I'm not at all comfortable with, just to make them happy before I die?

I'm sitting in my car crying. I haven't been in town and it got a flat at some point. I'm deciding if I should walk the 3.5mi to get my SN, walk back, and just try to take it and hope it'll work without an antiemetic. I have enough SN to try over and over again. It's 2:30am and no one is awake to "help" me. My girlfriend got really high and passed out in my bed (she's safe, just sleepy). So maybe this is the best time.

If I decide to, I'll throw together a goodbye post and quickly record an audio CTB note to say everything. If I don't post anything for a while, I'm probably just "safe".

 

[uncat_]

this seems like kind of a rash decision. imagine your girlfriend finding you, i doubt she deserves that.

i think you can give it more time, maybe dont go to the party, maybe go home. but spend your last day doing something that brings you peace. not stressed out in a car, man.

you deserve a better last day, and your loved ones deserve a non-rushed goodbye.

 

[iori011x3]

impulsive ctb-ing is very irrational. it's unlikely to be successful and will probably hurt your future chances of ctb if someone finds you

i'd say cry it out and don't go to the party. it won't be worth it if your mental state is so low. they'll probably question your and you probably won't have the mental capacity to deal with it atm judging from your post.

i wish you all the best dude.

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

You do you friend. I wouldn't be too hard on your family for bringing you into the secret Santa thing, could always tell them you don't want to and don't have the money. Though it is silly of them to not even ask you. Sending you a big online hug! And I hope you have a great journey, be it today, or some day soon. And if this is the last time I get to interact with you. I want to let you know that I love you, and am very proud of you for making it this far.

 

[puella]

i'd say cry it out and don't go to the party. it won't be worth it if your mental state is so low. they'll probably question your and you probably won't have the mental capacity to deal with it atm judging from your post.

I don't know how to say "no". I need some big excuse.

 

[Kit1]

Not really. You could just say that you are feeling quite low or unwell and not able to attend. I do that if I am not up to attending and switch off the phone - it seems to work.