Today is the day

[ohhgeeitsme]

I will, once again, try partial hanging. I failed four attempts back in December. I figured I'd do a mix of the night night method and partial and see how it goes. I took a low dose morphine and the rest of my Ativans. Not very high doses on others.. wish I would have thought to buy alcohol prior to make it easier but what I have is what I have. This akathisia wins. I can't do it anymore. I don't even know how long it's been 5 months now? I've had it in the past, and I'll forever be terrified of it returning. I was already severely anxious and depressed and then life threw the akathisia on top and That's when it just got to be too much. I may wait a few hours for the liquor store to open so I'm more comfortable when the time arrives. Until then, I will practice.. and any suggestions for the next few hours are welcome.
I just hope today really is the day.

-Dani

 

[selfhater]

sorry u went thru the akathisia
i hope things goes well for u

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. You've been through a lot. I'm sorry for that. Life is so hard. Akathisia sounds really tough. Physical/mental health problems really make life even harder than it already is. I can relate to having physical issues. Do you suffer mostly from anxiety? What symptom drove you over the edge? I assume you've tried meds and treatment already..?



Just remember that it's okay to back out. It's not cowardly or weak like some people think. You can always try tomorrow. Take your time.



In the case that you do go through with it,It would be best if your last few hours are peaceful. Listen to music or watch funny tv shows. Relax. Eat something delicious. Make sure that you have notes(If applicable) and anything else already done.


Please read this post. Some people don't understand the risk of hanging...

WARNING: If you try to hang,whether it be partial,full,or short drop,you do not want to be disturbed once you're unconscious for at least 30 minutes. At the 4 minute mark(if the carotid arteries are blocked correctly) is when they say Brain cells die by the millions. If you're found,say 6 minutes into unconsciousness,you will be at high risk of SERIOUS Brain damage. This can also mean being quadriplegic. Unless your family members,friends,or power of attorney would put you down,you could live many years in agony...literal HELL. There's a story of a guy that tried full suspension in the Uk. He was found by his brother while unconscious. Now his family and brother keep him alive. He was unable to move a muscle for years. Now he can move his eyes only(last I heard). He is literally in HELL. Please make sure you are not disturbed for at least 30 minutes from when you pass out..at LEAST 30. This is if you do it right. The brain should die within 20 but 30 is a safety measure. But if possible,I'd aim for at least 1 hour. This means that once you pass out,you ideally should have 1 hour that you are alone. This is in case you don't compress the arteries enough and it takes longer for the brain to die.


I am not for or against suicide and generally don't give too many details to others on how to die for moral reasons. I've given some basic info in this post. But it's all info that is widely known.


Usually a narrow neck makes it easier. The curtain rod could work but it's not very reliable. People have used it before though. Standing and leaning is more likely to break it since when you pass out a lot of weight could be applied,depending on how high the noose is off of the ground and on how your body flops. Generally a beam in the basement,a branch in the tree,or sometimes a strong door and doorknob(maybe but not as reliable) are the ways people choose to secure the rope.I'd look through more posts on this site. Just google partial hanging sanctioned suicide and look through the posts.


Just remember that it's ok to back out. You can always try again another day. I'm here if you need a friend. If you do attempt,I truly hope you find peace and happiness.❤

Whatever you decide,just make sure that you're not discovered for at least an hour preferably. This will keep you from being "saved" and becoming quadriplegic or brain damaged enough that you're mentally retarded.(not derogatory)




I wish you luck with whatever you decide. You can message me any time if you need a friend. I'm about to go to bed but if you do stick around, I'm here for you.

 

[aukguy]

Hi - If you decide to go through with it I hope it gives you the peace you seek. It's not too late to reconsider and find another path if you are in anyway doubtful.

 

[s1mplem3]

How do you feel now, got your drinks? If you wanna chat I'm here for you.

 

[TeenIdle]

I'm sorry for the extra suffering that the akathisia has brought to you :( I wish you luck whatever you decide, but if you are not sure don't feel pressured to do it

 

[Ulisses]

I wish you luck and that you can achieve it without much suffering.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I wish you luck.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I finally got some wine. Just got home with it. I walked to the liquor store, music in ears, sun shining, big trees, nice neighborhood, the whole thing and felt so numb. Usually a walk like that will pep me up, but I didn't feel anything. Is it weird that I really want to have sex with someone just one last time? And this me talking before the alcohol has had a chance to do anything. My closest doors are closed. Inside, it's ready.

 

[faust]

Akathisia was the worst thing in my life I have ever experienced. As already mentioned before, I wouldn't be able to live with it more than a week. You are extremely strong if you managed to take it for so long. It is okay to want sex, it is natural as eating or sleeping. I wish you a safe and peaceful departure!

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Once again. Not the night. Company aka brother, came into my home. I didn't even get the chance to try. It's crazy that I feel like I'm letting you guys down when I know really, I'm not. But to make a post and all. I love you guys

 

[DaFloof]

It's crazy that I feel like I'm letting you guys down when I know really, I'm not. But to make a post and all. I love you guys

You don't have anyone's expectations to live up to but your own, and while I'm an utter newb here, I'm sure I speak for mostly everyone when I say that not a body here feels like you're 'letting anyone down'. You don't know me whatsoever, but seeing your posts is something I enjoy, knowing that I'm not the only person suffering at the end of their rope in this God-forsaken swamphole we inhabit, and I admit that it's selfish, but I look forward to your posts ^^

Hope that you're able to have a good night's peaceful rest!