Today is my last day: Yet another goodbye thread

[yo_no_soy_el_pollo2]

I've hit my limit. I was hoping to stick around a bit more to try another new medical treatment or two, but I just can't stand another day like this. I have my N (and SN as a backup).

I have booked a hotel for 5 nights starting today. The reason I'm doing it for so long as that I CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL. I know that in all likelihood, 1 or 2 days would be enough. But there are still scattered reports of people being in a coma for a while. I figured that after 5 days I wouldn't have enough water and would hopefully die from that if nothing else.

I do feel bad for the hotel staff, and I have an envelope with some cash I will put a note with on a table. Hopefully it will make their day ever so slightly better.

Here's a brief history about what lead me to using N:

1. I started out with the idea of using metal/foil dryer exhaust tubes from the exhaust pipes into my car, and going the CO method. I later abandoned that idea as apparently new cars filter out a lot more CO before it would otherwise be exhausted.

2. I then looked into the CO charcoal method in the car. I got one of those 10,000 ppm CO measuring device. There were a couple of reasons I didn't like this idea. I'd first have to start the charcoal on fire outside, which may bring the attention of the neighbors. Especially if they see me take them inside when they are still burning. Also, for the sake of those who I leave behind and have willed my house and car to, I didn't want to degrade those assets by having been involved in a suicide. Both for resale value, and if they should choose to use the car and/or house as their own.

4. Going the SN route seemed significantly better. With this, I could go somewhere (like a hotel) away from my house and car. I was pretty set on SN until I read this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/can-we-talk-about-pain-from-sn.84378/#post-1507562

5. After that, I decided to try and get N. Luckily D was fairly responsive (I think I got a reply after a day and after btc payment was received, it shipped with a day and arrived with a couple more). For me, the whole process was well under a week if I am remembering correctly. I still have my SN. If some really unlikely thing happens with N failing, I can fall back to SN.

I also briefly considered the night-night method as a backup, but from what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be any documented success cases using it.

So far today I took my normal meds and light breakfast. I have also taken a few meto, zofran, and 2mg lorazepam for nerves. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, which is really common for me. Check-in time is in about 3 hours. Now I have to find something to do for those few hours.

 

[OldDrummer]

To be honest, the cash will never make it to the staff. It'll be a crime-scene and anything you leave behind will be bagged up by the police.

But it shows what a considerate person you are. Still make the gesture.

And it won't be the staff's first rodeo either.

I'm sad it's come to this for you. Depression is a MF'er. I call it a cancer of the soul.

It looks like we both chose the exact same options.

I wish you nothing but peace, what ever fork in the road you choose to take.

 

[Graytaichi]

Peace be with you. You
Will be remembered.

Have u taken your N . Reply pls

 

[Someone123]

I've hit my limit. I was hoping to stick around a bit more to try another new medical treatment or two, but I just can't stand another day like this. I have my N (and SN as a backup).

I have booked a hotel for 5 nights starting today. The reason I'm doing it for so long as that I CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL. I know that in all likelihood, 1 or 2 days would be enough. But there are still scattered reports of people being in a coma for a while. I figured that after 5 days I wouldn't have enough water and would hopefully die from that if nothing else.

I do feel bad for the hotel staff, and I have an envelope with some cash I will put a note with on a table. Hopefully it will make their day ever so slightly better.

Here's a brief history about what lead me to using N:

1. I started out with the idea of using metal/foil dryer exhaust tubes from the exhaust pipes into my car, and going the CO method. I later abandoned that idea as apparently new cars filter out a lot more CO before it would otherwise be exhausted.

2. I then looked into the CO charcoal method in the car. I got one of those 10,000 ppm CO measuring device. There were a couple of reasons I didn't like this idea. I'd first have to start the charcoal on fire outside, which may bring the attention of the neighbors. Especially if they see me take them inside when they are still burning. Also, for the sake of those who I leave behind and have willed my house and car to, I didn't want to degrade those assets by having been involved in a suicide. Both for resale value, and if they should choose to use the car and/or house as their own.

4. Going the SN route seemed significantly better. With this, I could go somewhere (like a hotel) away from my house and car. I was pretty set on SN until I read this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/can-we-talk-about-pain-from-sn.84378/#post-1507562

5. After that, I decided to try and get N. Luckily D was fairly responsive (I think I got a reply after a day and after btc payment was received, it shipped with a day and arrived with a couple more). For me, the whole process was well under a week if I am remembering correctly. I still have my SN. If some really unlikely thing happens with N failing, I can fall back to SN.

I also briefly considered the night-night method as a backup, but from what I can tell, there doesn't seem to be any documented success cases using it.

So far today I took my normal meds and light breakfast. I have also taken a few meto, zofran, and 2mg lorazepam for nerves. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, which is really common for me. Check-in time is in about 3 hours. Now I have to find something to do for those few hours.

I do want to give you a tip from working in the hotel business for a long time- even if you put a Do Not Disturb sign on a housekeeper might try to go in in the morning anyway, or someone night steal the do not disturb sign if they need one- this can happen. So I would plan the timing assuming that there is a risk that someone might come in any morning, though having the deadbolt on will usually prevent this. I hope you are able to find peace.

 

[Graytaichi]

I do want to give you a tip from working in the hotel business for a long time- even if you put a Do NOt Disturb sign on a housekeeper might try to go in in the morning anyway, or someone night steal the do not disturb sign if they need one- this can happen. So I would plan the timing assuming that there is a risk that someone might come in any morning, though having the deadbolt on will usually prevent this. I hope you are able to find peace.

Thats why norm house cleaning is done during checkout time and constantly looking for clean my room sign.

 

[Someone123]

Thats why norm house cleaning is done during checkout time and constantly looking for clean my room sign.

At the hotels I have worked at they start cleaning rooms at 8:00am and go until about 4:00pm. A lot of people check out before 8:00am due to needing to catch flights, to go into work, etc.

 

[yo_no_soy_el_pollo2]

I do want to give you a tip from working in the hotel business for a long time- even if you put a Do Not Disturb sign on a housekeeper might try to go in in the morning anyway, or someone night steal the do not disturb sign if they need one- this can happen. So I would plan the timing assuming that there is a risk that someone might come in any morning, though having the deadbolt on will usually prevent this. I hope you are able to find peace.

Yea I was aware of such issues, I will let the front desk know there should be no service. With any luck, they'll respect that.

Peace be with you. You
Will be remembered.

Have u taken your N . Reply pls

I haven't yet. I should be in the hotel in 2 yours, then I'll probably spend an hour or so preparing.

 

[Graytaichi]

Thats a big big important day for you. Leave with a big smile ok. You will be remembered . Rest in peace .

 

[Someone123]

Yea I was aware of such issues, I will let the front desk know there should be no service. With any luck, they'll respect that.

I haven't yet. I should be in the hotel in 2 yours, then I'll probably spend an hour or so preparing.

Yes letting the front desk know this can help, but some housekeepers don't care what the front desk says, they want to get the rooms done asap so they can go home asap. So I would plan on being done with anything by 8:00am. It depends on the housekeeper, some are very respectful about things like this, and some are not- if they are not they usually don't last too long, but there are housekeepers out there like this, so be aware of that. No matter what you tell the front desk this can happen, and if you make too big of a deal out of it they may get suspicious that something is going on. The simple solution is to make sure anything you do is done by 8;00am. One other rare factor- sometimes a front desk employee will accidentally check two guests into the same room- it happens once in a while- if an employee is checking someone in and the phone rings and someone starts talking to them at the same time they can get confused and make mistakes- it doesn't happen often, but at most hotels it happens a few times a year at least. So always have the deadbolt on before you start anything.

 

[yo_no_soy_el_pollo2]

Yes letting the front desk know this can help, but some housekeepers don't care what the front desk says, they want to get the rooms done asap so they can go home asap. So I would plan on being done with anything by 8:00am. It depends on the housekeeper, some are very respectful about things like this, and some are not- if they are not they usually don't last too long, but there are housekeepers out there like this, so be aware of that. No matter what you tell the front desk this can happen, and if you make too big of a deal out of it they may get suspicious that something is going on. The simple solution is to make sure anything you do is done by 8;00am. One other rare factor- sometimes a front desk employee will accidentally check two guests into the same room- it happens once in a while- if an employee is checking someone in and the phone rings and someone starts talking to them at the same time they can get confused and make mistakes- it doesn't happen often, but at most hotels it happens a few times a year at least. So always have the deadbolt on before you start anything.

I hope this one does have a deadbolt. I have been to many that don't. Seems like the more expensive, the less likely to have a bold or lock that can't easily be overridden via the same mechanism.

 

[Someone123]

I hope this one does have a deadbolt. I have been to many that don't. Seems like the more expensive, the less likely to have a bold or lock that can't easily be overridden via the same mechanism.

That is strange, I would check for this. Deadbolt may not be the exact right term. What I mean is a bar or chain that goes across so that if someone uses a key in the door they won't get in- unless they kick the door down. I found something like this online and they call it a "Swing Bar Door Security Guard.

 

[cocainenosejobs]

I'm sorry that it came to this and just remember if you change your mind we are always here <3

I hope you have a good journey, you will be missed. I wish you nothing but peace no matter what you decide

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Crazy4u]

You seem like a nice person. I wish you find peace whether you ctb or not. Safe travels

 

[yo_no_soy_el_pollo2]

OK checked into hotel. This hotel said you had to specifically request maid service, not the other way around. So hopefully there should be no interruption. There is a chain/slider lock as well. Took meto and a couple pieces of dried bread about half an hour ago. Going to decant the N now.

Edit: OK bottom's up. I did 3 N bottles just to be sure.

 

[new.solution1]

Take Dilantin. Then you don't have to worry about not being found for so long in case of coma, it eliminates the possibility of it. 1-2 hours is all you need. Source for it in PPeH

 

[Kismet]

OK checked into hotel. This hotel said you had to specifically request maid service, not the other way around. So hopefully there should be no interruption. There is a chain/slider lock as well. Took meto and a couple pieces of dried bread about half an hour ago. Going to decant the N now.

Edit: OK bottom's up. I did 3 N bottles just to be sure.

You really do seem like a kind and considerate person. I'm not sure what N is it how long it takes to work but I hope it helps you get you're peace. I don't know you but I'll be thinking about you and if it doesn't work out, I'll sure still be here if you ever want to talk about it

 

[SuicidalRN]

Peace be with you and whatever you may choose I hope that if today is your last day you get to do something you love one last time. You seem like a kind and considerate person with valid reasons. I wish you all the best.

 

[speck]

I hope everything went smoothly and peacefully for you.

 

[NSA]

If all went well, you'll never see this. I hope it went well.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

Rest in peace

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Rip

 

[WadeingThru]

I was hoping to stick around a bit more to try another new medical treatment or two, but I just can't stand another day like this.

You can stick around awhile longer, we don't mind: You can hang out for as long as you like.

 

[M Berry M]

Rest In Peace

 

[SadJessu]

Bless you. Rest well.

 

[Shu]

Rest well.

 

[hopeless08]

Peace be with you. You
Will be remembered.

Have u taken your N . Reply pls

I'm imagining n must be impossible to get
Right?

 

[itwillallbeoverr]

I'm imagining n must be impossible to get
Right?

Yeah it's impossible nowadays in Europe especially, considering 99% are scammers

 

[Sandy9]

I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.