Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Today I feel like there is no point to life. Like my whole life will be whats happened with the employment counsellor which was " your too sick and I don't think you are capable of any work plus I am busy and bc you are sick and often need to reschedule your wasting my time" she didn't say that exactly but... basically did? She refused to meet with me again and help with a job posting that I thought would be a good fit for me.
Im never really consistently well enough for anything tbh. I say this and everyone assumes I'm being negative or assuming the future. How can I even assume the future when Im currently not consistent with anything?
My doctor thinks theres more going on with me and she thinks I have hyperthyroidism and something else. We're doing testing this week.
plus I have some hormonal thing that I still needa get testing for.
My body just doesn't fucking like me. I am both not suprised and shocked that I am this fucking ill. I just thought it was fucking mental health but nope my physical health is fucked up too.
Hyperthyroidism can be treated but the other issues not per say. They can be treated but not cured. So I'll always have difficult times. I'll always have flare-ups. I'll always have times where I just "cant" do things..
I wish everyone in my life would understand how this makes me feel instead of projecting their own fucking views on life on to me. Like yeah u think I can conquer anything? THATS YOUR VIEW. NOT MINE.
I'm so sick of being alive. I can't plan for anything anymore. Everything feels pointless.
Ya kno??? The goal of killing myself at the end of June is looking better and better as the days go on.
I'm sick of being sick. Im sick of being alive. I'm sick of how it feels to plan to do a thing but then some illness of mine gets in the way.
Im sick of the fact that a painless method is very inaccessible. Like honestly even if I qualify for MAID it'll take like up to 2 yrs or so.
TWO FUCKING YRS AS MY BODY CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE.
Fuck that... I guess I shall get comfortable with the idea of me hanging myself. Or maybe trying to drown? I'd prefer to do it in the bathtub but... I don't think that would be that great tbh.
Just... yeah... haaaa I can't do this shit much longer. I didn't sign up for this level of struggle and I'm not interested in it at all.
Nothing (for me) will make this life worth it. It's better to end it soon and be done with this bc I am.sick and I am tired.
Im never really consistently well enough for anything tbh. I say this and everyone assumes I'm being negative or assuming the future. How can I even assume the future when Im currently not consistent with anything?
My doctor thinks theres more going on with me and she thinks I have hyperthyroidism and something else. We're doing testing this week.
plus I have some hormonal thing that I still needa get testing for.My body just doesn't fucking like me. I am both not suprised and shocked that I am this fucking ill. I just thought it was fucking mental health but nope my physical health is fucked up too.
Hyperthyroidism can be treated but the other issues not per say. They can be treated but not cured. So I'll always have difficult times. I'll always have flare-ups. I'll always have times where I just "cant" do things..
I wish everyone in my life would understand how this makes me feel instead of projecting their own fucking views on life on to me. Like yeah u think I can conquer anything? THATS YOUR VIEW. NOT MINE.
I'm so sick of being alive. I can't plan for anything anymore. Everything feels pointless.
Ya kno??? The goal of killing myself at the end of June is looking better and better as the days go on.
I'm sick of being sick. Im sick of being alive. I'm sick of how it feels to plan to do a thing but then some illness of mine gets in the way.
Im sick of the fact that a painless method is very inaccessible. Like honestly even if I qualify for MAID it'll take like up to 2 yrs or so.
TWO FUCKING YRS AS MY BODY CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE.
Fuck that... I guess I shall get comfortable with the idea of me hanging myself. Or maybe trying to drown? I'd prefer to do it in the bathtub but... I don't think that would be that great tbh.
Just... yeah... haaaa I can't do this shit much longer. I didn't sign up for this level of struggle and I'm not interested in it at all.
Nothing (for me) will make this life worth it. It's better to end it soon and be done with this bc I am.sick and I am tired.
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