Venting Today I came to the realization that I'm not supposed to win. And that actually made me feel relieved

[ultrasharpy123456]

Yeah that's it. If God were real then I'm just his play thing. I'm just his toy for him to abuse. People are SUPPOSED to yell at me. People are SUPPOSED to argue with me and criticize me about every little thing I do. I'm SUPPOSED to be made fun of. When I fight back they just get angrier and angrier and I'm clearly in the wrong. So why bother?

Everytime I try to get a job it never works out, I can't even get an interview, money making things have never worked out. And that's OK. They're not SUPPOSED to work out, nothing is supposed to go my way. And frankly I couldn't be happier. Because now I can kill myself without regrets! I wasn't supposed to stand up for myself. And that's a good thing, standing up for myself is exhausting. Frankly I'm tired of fighting back.

So I accept it. Ok life you win. If this is really how life is supposed to be then I won't worry. There wasn't anything I could've done anyway. And I can finally die in peace. In fact more than anything I'm happy to know I am supposed to be a failure because at least I know this was meant to be. Now I'll try to kill myself with my SN tomorrow.

 

[Adûnâi]

Life is just stupid RNG. I hope you improve the situation, one way or another.

 

[Labyrinth]

Life is just stupid RNG. I hope you improve the situation, one way or another.

I agree that there is randomness and occasionality.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I wish I could refute this. I wish I could say that it's possible for us to win. However, I can't do that because some people are truly not meant to win and I'm one of them. I relate to not even being able to get an interview. This life is like a sick joke except it's fully painful.

Hopefully you find peace soon, best of luck

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from all the suffering, best wishes.

 

[reborn87]

Yeah that's it. If God were real then I'm just his play thing. I'm just his toy for him to abuse. People are SUPPOSED to yell at me. People are SUPPOSED to argue with me and criticize me about every little thing I do. I'm SUPPOSED to be made fun of. When I fight back they just get angrier and angrier and I'm clearly in the wrong. So why bother?

Everytime I try to get a job it never works out, I can't even get an interview, money making things have never worked out. And that's OK. They're not SUPPOSED to work out, nothing is supposed to go my way. And frankly I couldn't be happier. Because now I can kill myself without regrets! I wasn't supposed to stand up for myself. And that's a good thing, standing up for myself is exhausting. Frankly I'm tired of fighting back.

So I accept it. Ok life you win. If this is really how life is supposed to be then I won't worry. There wasn't anything I could've done anyway. And I can finally die in peace. In fact more than anything I'm happy to know I am supposed to be a failure because at least I know this was meant to be. Now I'll try to kill myself with my SN tomorrow.

Can you pls pm me where you got SN?

 

[rozeske]

I can very much relate. The thing that helped me be at peace about my decision to ctb is the same fact. Maybe I am not supposed to win, maybe am not supposed to catch a break. It has all just been meaningless fights against the inevitable. Clinging on to a life that has nothing to offer but pain and sadness.
I wish you all the best in your decisions and I hope you can find your peace

 

[Spectre]

This is very relatable

 

[thepiecessatup]

I wish I could refute this. I wish I could say that it's possible for us to win. However, I can't do that because some people are truly not meant to win and I'm one of them. I relate to not even being able to get an interview. This life is like a sick joke except it's fully painful.

Hopefully you find peace soon, best of luck

I relate too. I'm now desperate to ctb. I feel going through one more day is just too much. I'm very depressed and have been most of my life and it just feels that it's pointless me being here. I find no joy in anything and just want out. I'm trying to get up the physical and mental strength to manage to end it. I have my plan which is to jump but I have no energy to even leave the house. I am trying to build that up. I cannot go on like this.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Im another who can relate. I don't blame God but I do blame society. I think society targets and sets some people up to loose and be failures because we are outcasts and don't fit in for whatever reasons. We can become easy targets when all things are against us ie. our environment, upbringing and nature. Of cause there is a spectrum... the more these things are against us the more we are targeted. I'm not sure if it's just some random fluke of nature or some grand plan, but I believe society must make some of us to be loosers so others can win, it just how it is.... there always has to be winners and loosers. Were fed stories that we are to blame, that God is to blame and has cursed us or its bad karma and that we need to be compliant and accept our place in society, but that's because society wants to keep us illusioned, it wants to keep us here on the bottom for its intended purposes and dosnt want to take any responsibility in itself. I think it's a conscious collective thing and operates on many different levels, personally ive experienced it to have an evnergy of its own. Its much bigger than me and I no longer want to play the game.

 

[Aim]

God has cursed me so much after I got deluded and accidentaly without logic committed some of the deadly sins. (I have never been christian btw, but oh boy did I got punshed in life) So I think I am also long time defeated. Cursed in life literary. And that is starting to feel ok. Maybe what is causing all this suffering is not accepting it.

 

[Manfrotto99]

God has cursed me so much after I got deluded and accidentaly without logic committed some of the deadly sins. (I have never been christian btw, but oh boy did I got punshed in life) So I think I am also long time defeated. Cursed in life literary. And that is starting to feel ok. Maybe what is causing all this suffering is not accepting it.

I'm sorry you feel God has cursed you. Please read my response above.

 

[Aim]

I'm sorry you feel God has cursed you. Please read my response above.

Your right. Your thread was heartwarming to read . I think society puts way to high expectations on people that actually needs help. I think mental illness is way to underrated. I certainly can't run the marathon with broken feet. More freedom, understanding and patience.

 

[illAF]

Yeah that's it. If God were real then I'm just his play thing. I'm just his toy for him to abuse. People are SUPPOSED to yell at me. People are SUPPOSED to argue with me and criticize me about every little thing I do. I'm SUPPOSED to be made fun of. When I fight back they just get angrier and angrier and I'm clearly in the wrong. So why bother?

Everytime I try to get a job it never works out, I can't even get an interview, money making things have never worked out. And that's OK. They're not SUPPOSED to work out, nothing is supposed to go my way. And frankly I couldn't be happier. Because now I can kill myself without regrets! I wasn't supposed to stand up for myself. And that's a good thing, standing up for myself is exhausting. Frankly I'm tired of fighting back.

So I accept it. Ok life you win. If this is really how life is supposed to be then I won't worry. There wasn't anything I could've done anyway. And I can finally die in peace. In fact more than anything I'm happy to know I am supposed to be a failure because at least I know this was meant to be. Now I'll try to kill myself with my SN tomorrow.

Thank you, that is very relatable (not for the same reasons as yours though). This way at looking at things could really help me. I'll try to think a bit more about that.
Know that before dying, you were able to speak to people and kind of help them <3
I wish you the best in whatever you're trying to do.

 

[Aim]

Thank you, that is very relatable (not for the same reasons as yours though). This way at looking at things could really help me. I'll try to think a bit more about that.
Know that before dying, you were able to speak to people and kind of help them <3
I wish you the best in whatever you're trying to do.

Wish you the best, jumping on the bus myself in a litle bit more then a month.