Help To those who have settled a date : is it helpful ?

[illAF]

Context : tonight, I feel really really bad. I have SN in my closet and I really want to take it, like RIGHT NOW. But I know that it has many chances to fail without any preparation. Too bad it requires so much preparation in order to work properly.

I'm a bit drunk right now, and I'm contemplating the idea of going to that bridge and drink + take benzos in order to be able to jump. But I have thought about it so many times and never managed to do it... So I'm really not confident in myself.

I don't want to try again and again to hang myself. Never succeeded. Plus, don't want my roomates to find me.

Anyway, that seems to have nothing to do with my thread's question, sorry.

It's just that I feel much more confident of being able to CTB when it's on an impulse. But never succeed.

So yeah, did it help you to fix a date ?

Thanks for reading xxxx

 

[DrPepper709]

I am a planner, so I plan even my death. When you're 100% ready to go, you kind of just know. There's no need to hype yourself up because you're just over life. The idea of dying makes you happier than staying alive, so you plan to prepare for peace and feel relieved about it.

 

[illAF]

I am a planner, so I plan even my death. When you're 100% ready to go, you kind of just know. There's no need to hype yourself up because you're just over life. The idea of dying makes you happier than staying alive, so you plan to prepare for peace and feel relieved about it.

I would really like to be able to do that. But I'm not a planner. And I really feel more suicidal during crisis (not that I'm not when I'm not in a crisis but it's just harder to follow a plan, you see ?). Plus there's the fact that it has became so difficult to live with my chronic depression that planning anything is very difficult.

But I might try to set a date and see what I would feel after having settled it.

Thank you for your answer :)

 

[UKscotty]

Complete waste of time in my view.

It's like people who say they will diet, quit smoking, quit drinking etc. Hardly any ever follow through.

You can never know what headspace you will be in the future. A decision to CTB is only made right in the moment. Once we are ready to go, we go.

 

[DrPepper709]

I would really like to be able to do that. But I'm not a planner. And I really feel more suicidal during crisis (not that I'm not when I'm not in a crisis but it's just harder to follow a plan, you see ?). Plus there's the fact that it has became so difficult to live with my chronic depression that planning anything is very difficult.

But I might try to set a date and see what I would feel after having settled it.

Thank you for your answer :)

I hope it helps. Planning death makes it easier to get everything sorted out like an elderly person would for a timely death, and that includes making sure the plan is sufficient. But this is just my method. I am always in crisis mode I guess

 

[illAF]

Complete waste of time in my view.

It's like people who say they will diet, quit smoking, quit drinking etc. Hardly any ever follow through.

You can never know what headspace you will be in the future. A decision to CTB is only made right in the moment. Once we are ready to go, we go.

Mmm that makes sense ! Thanks.

I hope it helps. Planning death makes it easier to get everything sorted out like an elderly person would for a timely death, and that includes making sure the plan is sufficient. But this is just my method. I am always in crisis mode I guess

And that also makes sense I guess.
I do think, reading your answers and knowing myself that it is very subjective maybe ?

 

[rozeske]

Even though my method doesn't require planning, I am a planner and my ocd would never let me just do it. Problem is I have set dates and postponed them too many times. Hopefully it won't be long now. In my opinion especially for sn it's better to plan than to attempt in a spur of the moment b/c well you know....
I believe a set date also helps get hold of erratic anxious thoughts.

 

[illAF]

Even though my method doesn't require planning, I am a planner and my ocd would never let me just do it. Problem is I have set dates and postponed them too many times. Hopefully it won't be long now. In my opinion especially for sn it's better to plan than to attempt in a spur of the moment b/c well you know....
I believe a set date also helps get hold of erratic anxious thoughts.

When I received my SN, I really thought I would be planning it. I even know the hotel I would go to do it (I don't live alone and I don't want my roomates to find me). But I haven't set a date, nor bought the medicine needed...
And there are alwayyýys nights where I just want to do it KNOW. But with SN, I Can't.
I think I need a method that requires less planning... but being so afraid of hanging and jumping, I can't find one...
If only ODs could work. I have soooo many meds ^^

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Yeah but it brought up a lot more things that I hadnt considered before. That's the great thing about it.
Maybe its the sense of purpose a date brings, maybe its a sense of security, but having a date definitely puts certain things in perspective.

 

[whatredsmile]

I gave myself a date and im so rubbish at planning i missed the date (remembered a couple days later) and then set myself a new one. new date is in a couple years though

 

[illAF]

Yeah but it brought up a lot more things that I hadnt considered before. That's the great thing about it.
Maybe its the sense of purpose a date brings, maybe its a sense of security, but having a date definitely puts certain things in perspective.

What do you mean by putting things in perspective, if you don't mind sharing ?

I gave myself a date and im so rubbish at planning i missed the date (remembered a couple days later) and then set myself a new one. new date is in a couple years though

In a couple of years ? Wow. But you can't know you'll still be as suicidal in a couple of years, can you ? Never heard of people setting a date so far away from now. May I ask why you chose that, if not too personal ?

I actually want to set my date on my birthday for two reasons :
- my family would have only one datetoo cry on
- I'm turning 30 and I've always said that if I was still sick on my 30, I would ctb.

But, my birthday is in December and I don't know if I can wait long enough...

 

[rozeske]

I gave myself a date and im so rubbish at planning i missed the date (remembered a couple days later) and then set myself a new one. new date is in a couple years though

Forgetting your ctb date and remembering days later now that's a new one around here. That put a smile on my face :) SI is developing and evolving before our eyes

 

[Slow_Farewell]

What do you mean by putting things in perspective, if you don't mind sharing ?

Before I found Sasu, ending it was basically the only thing I had in mind.
My only criteria then was I didnt want to suffer too much, and the only idea I had in my head was cyanide.
I didn't factor in where, what would happen after, stuff like that. Plan B was drowning: I looked into nautical charts and determined the deepest part of the place where I lived in and at what point boats passed it. I planned to drink the cyanide then jump overboard with a backpack full of heavy stuff to drag me down.
and that's it. Life happened then i got busy.
After a couple of years, i felt that urge again. Things were going well and thinking back, it might be because I was afraid the good times wouldnt last.
That's why i decided to set a date, and I found sasu as well. Reading through the posts, I started thinking about stuff I never considered before, like what happens after, etc., which led to a revised CTB plan.
In my outside life, setting a date helped me get through the day better.
It helped me care less about what people thought because, really, no one really cares what happens to me as long as it doesnt inconvenience them, which is a good thing. It helped dispel the myth that "a person is special, they are valuable, etc etc etc".
I started to not give a F*ck anymore because i really didnt have any left to give.

 

[illAF]

Before I found Sasu, ending it was basically the only thing I had in mind.
My only criteria then was I didnt want to suffer too much, and the only idea I had in my head was cyanide.
I didn't factor in where, what would happen after, stuff like that. Plan B was drowning: I looked into nautical charts and determined the deepest part of the place where I lived in and at what point boats passed it. I planned to drink the cyanide then jump overboard with a backpack full of heavy stuff to drag me down.
and that's it. Life happened then i got busy.
After a couple of years, i felt that urge again. Things were going well and thinking back, it might be because I was afraid the good times wouldnt last.
That's why i decided to set a date, and I found sasu as well. Reading through the posts, I started thinking about stuff I never considered before, like what happens after, etc., which led to a revised CTB plan.
In my outside life, setting a date helped me get through the day better.
It helped me care less about what people thought because, really, no one really cares what happens to me as long as it doesnt inconvenience them, which is a good thing. It helped dispel the myth that "a person is special, they are valuable, etc etc etc".
I started to not give a F*ck anymore because i really didnt have any left to give.

So setting a date really helped you, even in your everyday life, if I understand correctly ?

 

[Slow_Farewell]

So setting a date really helped you, even in your everyday life, if I understand correctly ?

Yeahup.
I started to compare think in terms of "will this help me get to what I want to do on this date?".
If i get SI thoughts, i just think "will it fit the schedule?" and "have i experienced this before". If it's a yes and no, then i do it for the experience. if its a yes and yes, i dont do it because i've already experienced it, and its going to be the same result. or something like that

 

[illAF]

Yeahup.
I started to compare think in terms of "will this help me get to what I want to do on this date?".
If i get SI thoughts, i just think "will it fit the schedule?" and "have i experienced this before". If it's a yes and no, then i do it for the experience. if its a yes and yes, i dont do it because i've already experienced it, and its going to be the same result. or something like that

Wow. That seems to be a very organised way to do things to me. I think I wouldn't be able to think like that. Bravo to you ! And thank you for sharing :)