It's incredibly hard for me to explain as I've spent most of my life so far trying to defend myself verbally and many times physically but at that point I'm personally fucked because I'm barely 100lb, thats not the point diffrent problems for diffrent people but one issue would be the fact that the guys around me Tell me I'm going to be raped if I go outside, whenever I get into a argument it usually ends with the guy threatening to hit me or just trying to make me feel intimidated by standing close to me in a I donno aggressive way if that makes sense like there stance looking down at me or when I get upset somtimes from being forcefully restrained im told that im the crazy one i need to relax, I can't go into a store without at least one guy trying to get a good long look, I've
Been told my body entices men and how it's out of my control, I was raised to listen obey and be blessed kidding but not kidding my father and mother made sure to educate my brothers and let them have friends of there own and experience shit, i on the other hand was not encouraged to learn while I stayed home sitting on the cement basement floor, there were few things I had to know because according to my mother and father it was lady like or nothing for me, I was told how a women aren't important but that they make things Important, I was told over and over and still get reminded of the concept of this supposed lost purity and how thats the most important thing for a women, I was told I'd be passed around a lot when I was older by my mother after confiding in her about my brother convincing me that i had to let his friend touch me because I played truth or dare with them, they were all two-four years older then
Me, I was so little I didn't understood, then they started asking if they could bring me in the woods with them when they went to "play" and ofcourse my parents allowed it because well, "your brothers there to protect you" even for the little time I was in school having the grade 7 boys for some resone I still don't understand but having a group of them chase me to the back of the school everyday just to circle me and say me name over and over and over while getting closer pushing me between all of them, whenever I leave a room and my brother or father have a dish or garbage or just Want food or a drink they ask me always as I'm just getting up or just as I'm leaving somtimes they don't even ask they just put there arm up with the dish or garbage and gesture for me to grab It, when theres family over I'm expected to clean with the women after food while the guys sit and watch shows, and if I say somthing or try asking if one of the boys can do it suddenly I'm called stuck up, how when I go to an event I'm expected to wear a dress, like I genuinely feel like I have to act like a dits and talk in a lighter tone or else guys assume I'm giving attitude because I'm not talking all high pitched,
I'm expected to be more emotionally mature then a guy In a relationship or at least the ones I've been In, I could go on but I'm pissing myself off and another thing I find that the guys in my life like my brothers say the stuff they say to me and act the way they act at times because they don't see me as a threat, not even that but I think it's gotta do with there respect for me, I try to tell myself if I were strong enough mabye I'd be treated with more respect or taken more seriously, mabye be seen more as an equal instead of a tool for self gratification, like my brothers and partner don't disrespect echother with swearing the way they do with me, like if I were on equal par with em then mabye I wouldn't be hearing shit as much as I do in the way that i do, I ask a question and it's taken as attitude so "'shut the fuck up" right.
I can go on an tell you even more shit because this to me isn't even the gist of it, one of my brothers think to a certain degree hitting physically hitting your partner is okay and that it's okay for men to sleep with women but not okay for women to sleep around with men and he considers himself a protector of women, and how apparently a man can't cheat but a women can by merely walking into a bar with her friends. I'm sorry if I don't make sense I've always had trouble with conveying what I want to convey properly, from the majority of my irl experiences with men they preach shit they don't follow themselves.
Obviously not all tho
