Discussion To the men of SS, what makes you suffer?

[LonelyTurkey]

I asked this for women to get some perspective but now want to hear from all the men.

BTW I put this in recovery because I think it is valuable to get perspective on this. If it's in the wrong place lmk.

 

[Gstreater]

Personal connections. I always have to be someone I'm not and when I am me with all my flaws I lose friends, family distance themselves from me and partners break up with me. It's gotten to the point i don't know who I am because I want people around me so I always pretend to be someone I'm not.

 

[carac]

Feeling like a failure, feeling like I don't fit it, feeling inadequate, feeling like nobody wants me, feeling like I wasted my potential, feeling like a loser.

 

[j.rez729]

Essentially being a failure, but I'm working on it. In a grad program and sober (from alcohol) now, but I have so many demons it's hard to pinpoint one thing. I'm rarely genuinely happy unless I'm stoned, which I also struggle to do in moderation. So yeah, it's just sort of a cycle of misery that always keeps me *just* out of reach of true mental wellness even if I have moments of happiness or good days/weeks. I'm trying to recognize that my happiness is my responsibility, but it's difficult when you feel bombarded with unfair issues. Gahhh.

 

[WildAtHeart]

I have a lot of guilt, doesn't help have a very low self image. I brutally hate myself. I am a burden to those around me. I am very suicidal and self harm. A lot of past things made me like this alongside mental illness running in the family.

 

[Hollowman]

Lack of an identity and not belonging anywhere.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm the cause of my own suffering. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm my harshest abuser. I'm the meanest critic. I sabotage myself constantly just by existing. And he does the same to me. It's like we are two equally matched, equally spiteful opponents constantly locked in battle. I never know which one I am, all I know is that I hate him and myself and the same goes for him. I am not sure when this cycle of revenge between myself started but I know the only times I've even come close to merging the two fractured selves into one individual is when I was about to enter a romantic relationship. It didn't work out and since I'm also over 30 years old with zero dating experience I have to contend with the fact that I am a genuine menace to all of womankind just by my mere existence as an incel virgin. I suppose if somehow I finally did someone I would likely no longer want to end myself at all but it's never going to happen anyway otherwise it already would have by now.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Good question. Feeing like a failure, I was bullied all the way through my childhood, even my own parents used me as some sort of punchbag, an entire lifetime of all that happening is going to affect you. I feel like a total failure.

 

[Redacted24]

The posts above are pretty spot on.
Feeling irrelevant, unwanted, unneeded, and not having any relationships where I can be honest about these rather than presenting the facade of a person that's not really hurting inside.
Thanks for asking.

 

[Forest Fire]

Spending most of my time alone
Memories of traumatic events
Memories of poor decisions i've made
Nightmares
Not getting enough sleep

 

[MidnightCat]

Self hate.

It's hard to keep on going when you hate every inch of your mind, your body even your soul.

I did this to myself.

 

[Roadrunner]

Anxiety and depression for the past 30 years have taken its toll, I've had enough, just can't live like this much longer.

 

[TheShadowKing]

I suffer because I'm forced to be a man when i don't want to

I suffer cause I have a mental disorder that is viewed as "feminine"

I suffer cause I'm not manly enough for the guys or girly enough for the women

 

[Tortured_empath]

My body, my relation to loved ones and friends

 

[Thisisnotaname]

Other people

 

[StarCaller'sStaff]

Self hatred, constant anxiety. I miss my girlfriend, I miss my dog. I want to see them again as soon as possible.

 

[DisillusionedDruid]

As I splash back into this dark pool of pained souls, I wish to be welcomed back. I was almost in a good place. Suicide thoughts have tempted me once more.

Well, as of today, I built up what I thought was rapport with a pretty girl in a shop, who I thought I had a chance with. I even did my Druidic thing of energy work, manifestation and even a video of how to attract women. What sparks their interest. Thinking it was a safe bet, I practiced what to say. Ironically, I was the furtherst I've ever been away from suicide and in such a good place in my life. Alas, I tried it and had nearly accounted for all outcomes, but was trying to be positive. I managed to pluck up the courage and I got stabbed in the heart with rejection. An old and sadly reoccurring familiar wound. Most of my life actually.

So, sorry for the long story. It's fresh off the press. So, reaction, toxic shame, which dictates my low self worth and self esteem, realisation that majority of the people on this earth don't actually like me, or people like me. When I show my true self, he gets hurt. So I protect myself with a shell of a persona that is popular to people. But not actually me. The never ending fucking need to do slavery work to earn a corrupt currency in a system that doesn't want you to be free or happy. Maintaining relationships. Fucking being alive, at this stage. Everything. It's all too much.

Oh, also being a failure, fat, unable to make anything work, unable to process things as a function adult, unable to actually keep people around me. I truly believe suicide is the answer for people like us. Though, I don't want to do it yet, unless something can change, I don't have much other choice, do i?

Finally, society. A world that doesn't care. A world that is conditioned to take and dominate and control. My mind is now beginning to fail me. I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself. I am doing my best. Oh and not being good enough for people's needs, wants or wanted.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Shit world. Shit humans. Some believe depression is a survival mechanism of sorts. Withdrawing to prevent further harm/abuse. For example, depression taking away ones ability to fight.

Also this forums joke mods allowing and even encouraging political debates. And people like in your thread asking women. People there telling others that their "privilege" invalidates their opinion. It's incredibly sickening how many humans have been deceived into thinking they fight discrimination when they actively amplify it. As many know, telling someone their privilege makes their opinions less valid ultimately that they think that because of how we are born or what our skin color is that our voice doesnt matter. Which they're supposedly against.

I felt upset, disgusted when I learned this forum was owned by incels. Now that the founders passed off ownership I realize we were bett r off with the incels.

It's quite saddening how strong the publics focus is today on "justice" and revenge. When really the golden rule, treating your neighbor as you would want to be treated is where it's really at.

Humans will never ever become better plain and simple.

For me it's just a cycle of going out into the world and being treated like shit. Withdrawing til I heal. Repeat.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Having little worth in society and especially to women due to chronic illness. Women, children, pets etc are all considered worthy of love unconditionally, but I'm expected to earn it and just can't.

 

[whywere]

1) chronic 24/7 pain

2) Greedy, self-centered people

3)Hearing, seeing and interacting with folks who have had a rough go of it, and they are the nicest, kindest souls ever, really not fair ever

4) Along the same vein as greedy people are the ones judging others without knowing a darn thing about the others except the snippets that they hear, read, etc. Like me, I take opioids for chronic pain, so that must mean that I am a drug addict.

Walter

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

- weird sensation that occur around my head, as if I was pushed by a force from outside for a brief moment and that i was becoming kind of unconscious during it. This is present since a few years without being able to find a solution in medicine.
- loneliness
- memories of the past
- grief
- unable to project myself positively in the future
- seeing other peoples and families successful
- hearing other peoples and families telling two-bit positive morality then comparing it to my condition in wich no philosophy can help me.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

Mostly existential problems, that is. Always trying to rationalize every-fucking-thing

 

[isthisit?]

My depression started with my friend group alienating me, bad grades and bullying. Then I switched schools, got new friends and grades got better. Its been ~6 years since my depression started, life is better now but my mental health is still wonky but my gf (who also has had a history of mental issues) helps me get through it.

 

[Leiot]

Feeling like a failure, feeling like I don't fit it, feeling inadequate, feeling like nobody wants me, feeling like I wasted my potential, feeling like a loser.

Add chronic pain and I'm with you.

 

[viljalauss]

so hard to keep up relationships.
cost of living - though i have no issues meeting it (for now) it still hangs so heavy over my head. diet culture - having to watch other people (especially women) feel they have to police their bodies while i barely even starve and still feel self-pity.
feeling like i have to suffer because that's the only way i can make my empathy remotely effective, because it feels so much like i can't actually help anyone.
not being good at anything. living long enough to see myself become wasted potential. and not minding that much but people expecting me to have ambitions when i just got here and even if given time i may never really have any except maybe to help others feel a bit better. and volunteer at a cat shelter
inability to even slightly follow any mental or physical goals (though that might improve as i start to accept that i'm stuck here). inability to make anything substantial or interesting of myself or to engage with anything deeper than surface level without forgetting any in-depth information or understanding i'd had just one reading session ago
family. every single way i've hurt them, the few ways they have hurt me that might have been traumatic but the number of times i've seemed to jump to weaponise them makes me feel sick at the thought of me.
grief.
the fact that life just feels like pulling teeth sometimes. often

My depression started with my friend group alienating me, bad grades and bullying. Then I switched schools, got new friends and grades got better. Its been ~6 years since my depression started, life is better now but my mental health is still wonky but my gf (who also has had a history of mental issues) helps me get through it.

$b <33 (been listening to the light at the end of the tunnel for $9.99 a month on loop for like the past hour)

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Loneliness and lack of purpose

 

[shrizoid]

I asked this for women to get some perspective but now want to hear from all the men.

BTW I put this in recovery because I think it is valuable to get perspective on this. If it's in the wrong place lmk.

Regrets of past decisions, and sadness from being nothing special

 

[me_when_:D]

I am a lonely 19yo Aspie with ADHD (alike the meme, undiagnosed, but I am pretty sure) with a single not very mature parent. So basically trying to parent myself into a functioning human being is pretty hard for me and doesn't seem to be worth the effort.

I had like a pretty long journey up to this point, In a midst of war-torn country, I am majoring in Software engineering, I have beat depression, mastered my anxiety and all of my physical fears, I am very fit, but god damn it, something is just not working out for me. Academic failures are breaking the camels back for me.
Like I am looking around myself, seeing my classmates in university and I genuinely don't understand how they are doing fine, while I am failing in the most basic stuff.
I have been failing like this since the time of my birth and I find it hard to believe It will change.

failing basic functioning does not cause me a lot of suffering on it's own, I am pretty okay with dying, don't feel sad or whatever.

However what I do feel strongly about is my lack of empathy. This beautiful emotion is locked away from me.
Watching people emphasize with others is so touching to me and it fills me with grief over my lack of such profound part of human condition.
I am trying to be a good person, so I am heavily compensating with my intelligence for the lack of empathy, but it's so tiring too... And it never gets close to the real thing. Despite my tries to be supporting, I rarely could truly help someone's misery.
All I could was just watch how other people with empathy actually relief the person, while I was sitting besides.
(not sure why I lack empathy, maybe childhood trauma, maybe it's inherited from an alcoholic prison convict psycho father, or maybe both).

There is more, but this post is getting too long.
Personally choosing rn between the army and SN.
But there is so much tiring logistics of joining the army...

 

[victorisunlucky]

I feel like an alien. It's really difficult to find people I can really connect with, and even when I find people I think are like-minded, i'm too awkward to really do anything socially. It's very lonely.

 

[PA𝖨𝑁]

chronic pain, loneliness and lack of belonging.
I feel like a defect