Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
I write this after telling you finally that I know you stalk me here, I write this wishing I could have done it whilst you didn't know I know you stalk me here, but lifes shit, what is done is done.
You see I don't think you truly know how close a knit this place really is, and it was less then 24 hours before it was confirmed that you had signed up, and you were on here stalking me, desperate to find out who I really am, what my plans are and so forth.
Before the date of you signing up I posted as and when, didn't give a fuck.
When I learnt you were here stalking my profile, I decided to have some fun. Ensure my posts never followed another, ensured my posts contradicted the last.
I realised after you signed up, that, fully that my life is no longer my own, my privacy means nothing, as long as I keep other's happy that is all that counts, My life is one to ensure others are able to go about their lives with contentment, whether that is natural, sexual, emotional, or general. (I am sure there is more to cover that but lets keep this short!)
You seek here in the hope of working out my path, you screamed at me tonight you have kept print screens, what hope are print screens, where will they lead you? Not to answers and not to a path you seek for sure.
I am in a place that I am conflicted and confused.
A situation between ourselves, the first I was left to be told I am nothing but a bully, nothing but a emotional abuser, told I had to grow up and stop being selfish and focus only on the family, the situation being on of you pinning me to the sofa threatening me, a situation of you screaming abuse at me, refusing to allow me space, a situation I was fearful in, a situation I was screaming for help in. Yet when the police arrived, I was nearly arrested for domestic abuse for what you told them, I was bollecked by professionals for over reacting.
Weeks later, you hit me, you physically hit me, I have footage of you admitting what you did, YET professionals tell me to stop being stupid, I over reacted, it's brushed under the carpet, life has to go on, as though it never happened, whilst the incident before, the one I truely feared for my safety is told in a way that I caused the issues, I made you react in such a way and I basically deserved it.
You then have the audacity to wonder why I have no trust in the system, you wonder why I shy away from any help.
Why would I ask for help, when in the time I need it the most, it was denied and I was accused of lying.
I speak not only of this, I speak further back into my past, I speak of a time I was sexually abused as a child, and I was not believed by anyone, the evidence finally found by my sister, of which she admitted she destroyed before anything could be done, why would I have trust in professionals when all they have done is let me down?
I gave up everything for you, as a result I am left with nothing, I am left struggling to build again from the ashes. But tonight I have failed that once again.
When will you learn I am nothing, I am someone who does nothing but breath negativity, someone who loses you friends, someone who brings you nothing but pain and torture,
I seek not empathy, I seek not attention,
I just seek my own solitude, I seek to bring you and the children peace, it is nothing less then you deserve,
I blamed so long on you emotional abuse, I reflected back on you what in fact I was doing to you, I made out you where nothing but a narcissistic person, when in reality now, i realise this is whom I am, i just refused to admit it and threw it back on you.
I understand you lashing out at me, physically hitting me,was nothing short of frustration on your part, and I am sorry for driving you to these depths,
I write this here, as in person is hopeless, and there is simply no where else to post this.
You stated tonight you wanted happy drunk, I am sorry the police visit took me to a place that scared me that caused me to react in the way I did, It was stupid of me to over react, I am sorry to have caused you the agony you are going through.
I truely now see why you spent years flirting with other women, I now know my attention wasn't enough, or good enough,
I understand now your need to think you wish you had married another, I have driven you to hell, and treated you like shit, I am sorry,
I realise now your need to seek attention else were, I have been nothing but selfish and cruel and I am sorry,
I am not a women, I am now I realise a narcissistic cunt,
I am on a path, but what that path is, I truely don't know, and even if I did, since knowing you follow me on here, it will never be spoken of. I know you see posts of me saying things, but now I know you are here, and now you know I know you are here, NEVER trust what I say, as its all mind games, so you never truely know were I am
I have more to say, but for now, I sign off....
All I say is, I am Sorry!
You see I don't think you truly know how close a knit this place really is, and it was less then 24 hours before it was confirmed that you had signed up, and you were on here stalking me, desperate to find out who I really am, what my plans are and so forth.
Before the date of you signing up I posted as and when, didn't give a fuck.
When I learnt you were here stalking my profile, I decided to have some fun. Ensure my posts never followed another, ensured my posts contradicted the last.
I realised after you signed up, that, fully that my life is no longer my own, my privacy means nothing, as long as I keep other's happy that is all that counts, My life is one to ensure others are able to go about their lives with contentment, whether that is natural, sexual, emotional, or general. (I am sure there is more to cover that but lets keep this short!)
You seek here in the hope of working out my path, you screamed at me tonight you have kept print screens, what hope are print screens, where will they lead you? Not to answers and not to a path you seek for sure.
I am in a place that I am conflicted and confused.
A situation between ourselves, the first I was left to be told I am nothing but a bully, nothing but a emotional abuser, told I had to grow up and stop being selfish and focus only on the family, the situation being on of you pinning me to the sofa threatening me, a situation of you screaming abuse at me, refusing to allow me space, a situation I was fearful in, a situation I was screaming for help in. Yet when the police arrived, I was nearly arrested for domestic abuse for what you told them, I was bollecked by professionals for over reacting.
Weeks later, you hit me, you physically hit me, I have footage of you admitting what you did, YET professionals tell me to stop being stupid, I over reacted, it's brushed under the carpet, life has to go on, as though it never happened, whilst the incident before, the one I truely feared for my safety is told in a way that I caused the issues, I made you react in such a way and I basically deserved it.
You then have the audacity to wonder why I have no trust in the system, you wonder why I shy away from any help.
Why would I ask for help, when in the time I need it the most, it was denied and I was accused of lying.
I speak not only of this, I speak further back into my past, I speak of a time I was sexually abused as a child, and I was not believed by anyone, the evidence finally found by my sister, of which she admitted she destroyed before anything could be done, why would I have trust in professionals when all they have done is let me down?
I gave up everything for you, as a result I am left with nothing, I am left struggling to build again from the ashes. But tonight I have failed that once again.
When will you learn I am nothing, I am someone who does nothing but breath negativity, someone who loses you friends, someone who brings you nothing but pain and torture,
I seek not empathy, I seek not attention,
I just seek my own solitude, I seek to bring you and the children peace, it is nothing less then you deserve,
I blamed so long on you emotional abuse, I reflected back on you what in fact I was doing to you, I made out you where nothing but a narcissistic person, when in reality now, i realise this is whom I am, i just refused to admit it and threw it back on you.
I understand you lashing out at me, physically hitting me,was nothing short of frustration on your part, and I am sorry for driving you to these depths,
I write this here, as in person is hopeless, and there is simply no where else to post this.
You stated tonight you wanted happy drunk, I am sorry the police visit took me to a place that scared me that caused me to react in the way I did, It was stupid of me to over react, I am sorry to have caused you the agony you are going through.
I truely now see why you spent years flirting with other women, I now know my attention wasn't enough, or good enough,
I understand now your need to think you wish you had married another, I have driven you to hell, and treated you like shit, I am sorry,
I realise now your need to seek attention else were, I have been nothing but selfish and cruel and I am sorry,
I am not a women, I am now I realise a narcissistic cunt,
I am on a path, but what that path is, I truely don't know, and even if I did, since knowing you follow me on here, it will never be spoken of. I know you see posts of me saying things, but now I know you are here, and now you know I know you are here, NEVER trust what I say, as its all mind games, so you never truely know were I am
I have more to say, but for now, I sign off....
All I say is, I am Sorry!
