Venting To have a good life you have to be self disciplined and I'm not anymore, I've given up, that's why I have to die. Quitters can't be winners

[przeciwwymiotne]

Depression an eating disorders are just an excuse for being weak. I'm lazy and stopped putting effort in. It's natural selection, I can't believe how weak I am. Too weak to change that's for sure. Afraid of discomfort. I deserve to die. Hanging will be my ultimate punishment for not being disciplined.

 

[evey8112]

I know how you feel, I feel the same way its like i know what to do to become successful but at the same time to weak for discomfort and for that i hate myself. As a male in today's world its even harder and i am a male.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

I know how you feel, I feel the same way its like i know what to do to become successful but at the same time to weak for discomfort and for that i hate myself. As a male in today's world its even harder and i am a male.

I hate myself for that so much. I also hate others for that. Fucking weaklings. Pussies. Ctb is my obligation at this point.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Once you've given up it's impossible to jump back in the game… You become untethered…. Smallest tasks become monumental …. As the will and motivation leech away…

 

[Mr2005]

Hats off to you for saying it because if I dared suggest something like that about anyone here I'd get destroyed. People still desperate to protect themselves with lies. I don't see why unless they want to live

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Once you've given up it's impossible to jump back in the game… You become untethered…. Smallest tasks become monumental …. As the will and motivation leech away…

I love you man, wish I could stay alive longer to talk with you. It's unreal to me how similar our thought patterns are.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Hats off to you for saying it because if I dared suggest something like that about anyone here I'd get destroyed. People still desperate to protect themselves with lies. I don't see why unless they want to live

I think most people here know They are "quitters… " Of course there's reasons why… Chronic illness or depression or simply choosing death over a miserable existence … If they could pull themselves together they would…

I love you man, wish I could stay alive longer to talk with you. It's unreal to me how similar our thought patterns are.

I love you too …

 

[Hurt]

I'm so sorry. And I can relate to what you say. I was a very disciplined and motivated guy. Full of dreams and goals. Depression took that away from me. Discpline is key for achieving goals.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Hats off to you for saying it because if I dared suggest something like that about anyone here I'd get destroyed. People still desperate to protect themselves with lies. I don't see why unless they want to live

"It's not laziness, it's depression" yeah right. Excuses, excuses... Name them however you want 'depression' 'trauma' whatever

I was baffled that even on a suicide forum we found a way to make excuses for ourselves. "SI kicked in". We really love to label our excuses, our weaknesses. It makes us detached from our failures. "It's not me, it's the depression" "Not me, it was SI".

I'm so sorry. And I can relate to what you say. I was a very disciplined and motivated guy. Full of dreams and goals. Depression took that away from me. Discpline is key for achieving goals.

Imo discipline is key to ending depression. It's hard af tho. That's why we all resort to saying 'I used to be this' 'In used to do that'. Imo if you get beat by depression you're just not disciplined enough, that's all. It's not a regular illness, it's an excuse for being weak. It's the result of our world in which we get to relax and indulge too much. We allow weakness, even praise it, instead of aiming to get rid of it. There are so many spoiled egoistic brats in the world. Including me ;)

 

[lumos_maxima]

Hello I feel the same way. Because of the terrible pain and disbelief, I have ruined a life that I can't return to. That's why I want to leave this world too.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

"It's not laziness, it's depression" yeah right. Excuses, excuses... Name them however you want 'depression' 'trauma' whatever

I was baffled that even on a suicide forum we found a way to make excuses for ourselves. "SI kicked in". We really love to label our excuses, our weaknesses. It makes us detached from our failures. "It's not me, it's the depression" "Not me, it was SI".

There were times when I was incredibly focused and motivated and then something switched/broke and my thoughts became confused and muddled and foggy…
Discipline is useless if you have no idea where you're going…
A long time ago I got lost in the mountains and the scariest thing was that it didn't matter how fast or how far I hiked I could be heading in the wrong direction… Losing your mind can do that to you… Whether it's an excuse or not it's a reality… Either way the results are the same…

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Hello I feel the same way. Because of the terrible pain and disbelief, I have ruined a life that I can't return to. That's why I want to leave this world too

Hi, wanna elaborate? Vent all you want to I'll gladly read through. My life is also ruined pass the point of no return

There were times when I was incredibly focused and motivated and then something switched/broke and my thoughts became confused and muddled and foggy…
Discipline is useless if you have no idea where you're going…
A long time ago I got lost in the mountains and the scariest thing was that it didn't matter how fast or how far I hiked I could be heading in the wrong direction… Losing your mind can do that to you… Whether it's an excuse or not it's a reality… Either way the results are the same…

Yeah that's a good point. I omitted the fact that a destination is essential. Mindless and extremely rigorous self discipline is how I ruined my friendships. Well, that's actually also how I injured my back. Had this mindset that I can't stop working out and that I gotta push through the discomfort to get to something better. Imo it's yet another proof that I'm a slacker, couldn't even put enough effort to putting effort properly lol.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Hi, wanna elaborate? Vent all you want to I'll gladly read through. My life is also ruined pass the point of no return

Yeah that's a good point. I omitted the fact that a destination is essential. Mindless and extremely rigorous self discipline is how I ruined my friendships. Well, that's actually also how I injured my back. Had this mindset that I can't stop working out and that I gotta push through the discomfort to get to something better. Imo it's yet another proof that I'm a slacker, couldn't even put enough effort to putting effort properly lol.

The self-discipline is linked to self-loathing… Not sure how much can be accomplished of value coming from that source… But sometimes that's the only source you have… My own depression comes from self-loathing… Eventually I get so overwhelmed with pressure on myself that I just shut down… That's how depression works… The fight or flight mechanism which is only supposed to last a brief amount of time goes into overdrive and your body just shuts down from Cortisol overload… And then you're useless… There is a professor at Stanford University named Sapolsky how does a lecture On this based on his long-term study of apes… The lecture is online somewhere… It's the most compelling explanation of depression I've come across… Cortisol overload

 

[lumos_maxima]

Hi, wanna elaborate? Vent all you want to I'll gladly read through. My life is also ruined pass the point of no return

It's hard to explain. Sorry for the English.
I got sick and constantly thought I was dying, stopped communicating with everyone because of the pain, did not believe the doctors, left the city that I loved very much. I inflicted self-harm and tried to cure them. I spent a lot of time in hospitals and doctors made it worse. I stopped doing absolutely everything in my life, because I considered myself unworthy of life. I lost my friends and my love. Now even if I want to live, it will be a different life. My love betrayed me. No one even believes that I will be alive in the near future, and I don't want to.

Before the pain, I could do absolutely everything in the world, I loved life and every minute counted. I don't believe in myself anymore. Have you also had it so that you didn't think it would turn out like this? And what can you save yourself?

 

[SexyIncél]

Vent all you want to I'll gladly read through.

Hope I can vent too?

I'm needing one last go at self-discipline. To make some people happy. Which means doing shit I'd rather not do, because it's against either my habits or pleasure

Then my soul can pass this dull wicked realm.

I FUCKING HATE the skill I'm most prized for -- software engineering. What a boring sausage fest. I could've survived the massive violence as a young child -- but the 18 years of fascist control, where I couldn't do what I want!? Starting hidden in a dark tiny room for the first years of my life!?

Oh, I got through with massive self-discipline, learning skills & philosophies while depressed & homeless. And I'm daaaamn good, ridiculously good. And all I wanna do is cut & dice & slice my veins a million billion times, and unleash sharp slices of terror onto certain others

I could've been happy. But suppose you have a powerful brain. (We all do, the human brain may be the most complex thing in the universe.) And further suppose that brain was mutilated to turn powerfully against you! A brain divided against itself, in forever war

I've known true happiness, briefly. A couple times, maybe, lasting for about a week. And falling from that... I want to eject bullet after bullet into my head. For all the beautiful dreams that COULD'VE COME TRUE, but my brain fought against my brain & both sides lost. And I knew it, but couldn't stop it

 

[y'ffre]

What will hinder you if you try to put the effort in and accomplish what you want?

 

[Funeralprincess]

I don't think those are excuses. My binge eating disorder is out of control and it's making me want to rip my head off. I think things that are non mental health related are excuses, yes, but believe every mental health situation is more of a reason rather than excuse