Venting To depressed to ctb

[divinemistress36]

It sucks when you are always to depressed to even research and plan ctb methods. You have no energy and cant concentrate and just rot away in bed for years

 

[ctbcat]

my exact problem.

sending you a warm hug from over the internet

 

[Malaria]

Same. Honestly, suicide feels like too much effort a lot of the time and my depression has made me lose any energy I once had. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed even if it's because I have to eat or go to the bathroom.

 

[BlendedHeart]

Ah yes, paralyzing depression. Another bane of my existence and one of the reasons I haven't been able to do stuff, either to improve my life or to end it.

 

[strangelife]

It sucks when you are always to depressed to even research and plan ctb methods. You have no energy and cant concentrate and just rot away in bed for years

I think yes, this is the case, sometimes people in depression simply do not have the strength to concentrate, I feel like this myself, I just don't want to do anything.

 

[divinemistress36]

And then people say stupid shit like if they really wanted to die they would just have ended it already

 

[Malaria]

And then people say stupid shit like if they really wanted to die they would just have ended it already

Ugh yes I hate it when people say that. It drives me up a wall when others act like they know how I feel more than me, even though I'm the one who has to deal with these feelings.

 

[Linda]

I don't (normally) suffer from depression, but I can sympathise, from my own experience with years of chronic fatigue. I know what it's like when even the simplest things are just too much effort.

 

[Ash]

Yup. I start researching different methods, realise that nothing involving any kind of calculation is staying in my head (and never mind being able to actually do the calculations) and then I just curl up in a ball, comfort eat and daydream about being hit on the head by a meteorite or something equally improbable but instant.

 

[mtoro998]

Ive had my sn for awhile now but ive been too depressed to go see a doctor to go get my anti emetics. Now I started taking anti depressants again so that I can focus on buying all the stuff I need. Maybe ill have enough focus to figure out nitrogen.

 

[divinemistress36]

Ive had my sn for awhile now but ive been too depressed to go see a doctor to go get my anti emetics. Now I started taking anti depressants again so that I can focus on buying all the stuff I need. Maybe ill have enough focus to figure out nitrogen.

Do the antidepressants not help ?

 

[mtoro998]

Do the antidepressants not help ?

I thought they werent helping I was still depressed but then once I was off them for awhile. I felt noticeably worse so they were definitely helping.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also despise it when they say things like "if you really wanted to, you'd be already gone", it's just so ignorant and insensitive, I cannot stand people like that who have no idea as to how difficult suicide truly is. I really wish there's the option to just fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep, nobody should ever have to struggle to die on their own terms. But anyway I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[divinemistress36]

I also despise it when they say things like "if you really wanted to, you'd be already gone", it's just so ignorant and insensitive, I cannot stand people like that who have no idea as to how difficult suicide truly is. I really wish there's the option to just fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep, nobody should ever have to struggle to die on their own terms. But anyway I hope that you find peace eventually.

You too <3

 

[salidaporfin]

it is such a vicious cycle - I get elated by deciding to do it but this elation in itself provides energy and some sort of flame of life that later will hinder the actual following through, even though I am 100% sure that it is what I really want and need and should do. So either it's depression that keeps me passive from taking action then the near mania that kicks in when acting - fucks it all up. So in essence my elation comes from believing I'm about to ctb then I get filled with anguish realizing I can't do it and back to depression. Way to make use of my emotions, sigh, it sickens me and I'm a freak for living like this. Elation should come from good interactions and making things happen in life and having a good moment with others, not from delusional decisions about suicide that later aren't honored, what a sad state. If only I could be part of normalcy and get elated by actual things being fulfilled in my life instead of at the very least, fulfill my wish of departure… sickening

 

[Lost21]

I am in the same position. I am too depressed to ctb

 

[Xta4Love]

It sucks when you are always to depressed to even research and plan ctb methods. You have no energy and cant concentrate and just rot away in bed for years

True been there for three years. I could barely read let alone plan. My severe depression kept me alive. I had zero energy. Im still struggling. Still not able.

 

[Mi Mi]

It sucks when you are always to depressed to even research and plan ctb methods. You have no energy and cant concentrate and just rot away in bed for years

This is comforting
I thought I was the only one like this
It's exhausting trying to plan
I often get upset because I think back of all the opportunities I missed because I was too tired to plan and kept saying I'll do it tomorrow

 

[L0neW0lf]

Same. Honestly, suicide feels like too much effort a lot of the time and my depression has made me lose any energy I once had. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed even if it's because I have to eat or go to the bathroom.

I am also in this situation, my body don't have any motivation to move an inch