Discussion To all those who already tried CTB

[Dyingsoon]

How did you manage to lower your SI to a degree where you were ready to die? I am just asking for different opinions I can take as an advice later on. I would love to hear your points of view.

 

[SVEN]

My life lowered any desire to survive very well indeed. When you're miserable enough, you'll take whatever action will ease the pain and bring relief.

 

[inmyhead]

Basically what @SVEN said. When you hit that bleak point where death feels like the only way out then SI is completely minimal.

 

[Dyingsoon]

@SVEN @inmyhead , Thanks for the replies. I am sorry you are here in the first place...

For me - quality of life hit 0 a long time ago due to an incurable and rare ear disease that destroyed everything that once made me human. I am physically disabled, home
bound, I have no desire to live and I wish I died every single day for the past year or so. I was close to CTB a couple of times but I chickened out in the last moment.

I am not scared of death but just the
opposite - I crave it and I sadly know it is the only way out of this intense suffering I am going through for the past 2 years. I already have two bottles of N in store and I think this would be my method, however I am afraid if I drink it my SI will kick in and I would be calling someone for help, which would be a disastrous decision in the long run.

I guess I should exclude all things that bring me joy for a while and see how it goes...

 

[inmyhead]

@SVEN @inmyhead , Thanks for the replies. I am sorry you are here in the first place...

For me - quality of life hit 0 a long time ago due to an incurable and rare ear disease that destroyed everything that once made me human. I am physically disabled, home
bound, I have no desire to live and I wish I died every single day for the past year or so. I was close to CTB a couple of times but I chickened out in the last moment.

I am not scared of death but just the
opposite - I crave it and I sadly know it is the only way out of this intense suffering I am going through for the past 2 years. I already have two bottles of N in store and I think this would be my method, however I am afraid if I drink it my SI will kick in and I would be calling someone for help, which would be a disastrous decision in the long run.

I guess I should exclude all things that bring me joy for a while and see how it goes...

I think for me in order to circumvent SI I would remove all devices in which I could phone someone if I felt that was going to be an issue. But also, if you get compelled and change your mind that much then you probably don't want to die as much as you'd think.

Personally for me I am planning to do full suspension or partial suspension hanging next. SI will be less then.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

When you lose all hope and joy, SI leaves with it. Don't go until you're at your lowest. If there is anything keeping you around, look into it further.

 

[leftdreaming]

Nihilism. My methods were pretty passive, which made it easier, but it was the mindset that let me do it. Once I made that first step I found that I was still me and that I was still rational, just now in the process of dying.

 

[CentreMid]

How did you manage to lower your SI to a degree where you were ready to die? I am just asking for different opinions I can take as an advice later on. I would love to hear your points of view.

As far as preparation and making peace with death goes, it took me some time but I accepted the fact that the existence of life guarantees the potential for suffering, and more often than not follows through on that guarantee. Therefore, it's better to simply not exist. Yes, there is no capactiy for joy, but there is also no capacity for suffering (or the potential) either, and that is far more preferable than whatever we've got going on here on earth. That's just my take anyway.

As far as the SI involved in going through with my attempts goes, that can be summed up in one word: booze. Other people use benzos, but what helps in overcoming SI is unique to each person, so please don't take this bit as the definitive answer to overcoming SI.

Best of luck in whatever you choose, and I hope you find peace.