To accept a proposal

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

My best friend apologised to me, professed his love to me, and said he wants to take care of me and make sure I'm not abandoned and forced to be struggling alone. He asked me to marry him. I'm still in shock and have no idea what to do about this situation. I'm at a loss for words.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Is this the guy that wanted to travel or the ice cube guy?

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I understand that this is a very difficult situation Kuri. Your relationship with your boyfriend, your history with this person and your current circumstances all complicate this.

Whatever you decide, I just hope you are very careful. I hope you will stay safe. This worries me greatly, to be honest.

While I am pleased to hear that your best friend apologised - as he absolutely should - this does not undo his past actions, many of which were abusive. This is a man who has sexually violated you (then subsequently abandoned you), neglected you and given false hope for years. My fear for you is the potential for these behaviours to escalate and put you in danger if you were to marry him. You deserved - and still deserve - significantly better than this and your current abusive dynamic with your boyfriend.

However, I respect that this is your decision and yours alone. I also appreciate the complexity of your circumstances and your reliance on others due to your conditions. I understand that you are in an impossible position, that you need the support of others to survive.

I know this isn't so simple and clear cut for you, as much as I sincerely wish it were for your sake. I wish I could take all of your pains and worries away from you, that I could keep you safe and ensure you will be secure here no matter what happens - not fearful of being deported, not ensnared in abusive relationship dynamics, not in constant, chronic pain every day, not cornered and contemplating death.

All I can do is be here for you, regardless of what you decide to do next. While I am alive, I will always be here for you and if there is ever anything more I can do for you, let me know and I will do whatever I can. Always. I care about you and want what is best for you, whatever you choose. Sending you lots of love.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Is this the guy that wanted to travel or the ice cube guy?

The one I've known for a few years, met in person before I tried to ctb, didn't end up ctbing.

 

[Insomniac]

if I read well this person abused you before and is now apologizing?

I strongly encourage you to close that door forever and never look back.

It's just my opinion. but like @Persephone said, at the end of the day it's your decision.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

The one I've known for a few years, met in person before I tried to ctb, didn't end up ctbing.

The guy that had a good family, called the cops on you and kept spouting normie garbage?

Man, idk; if I hypothetically had someone abusive that was interested in me, I think I'd end up taking massive amounts of damage before resigning myself back to inceldom. But that's because I wouldn't have a chance with anyone else, wouldn't make sense to take abuse if you could avoid it (psychological factors excluded). In your case I'm assoooming that you have options via, at least, online dating (ignoring the ice cube guy and whichever other guys I missed). I'd say to get more information and try to relax a lot (helps making good decisions). I've been trying to relax more as of late, it's really good for a lot of different purposes.

From the look of it, he realized that he didn't have as many options as he thought he did and now wants to lock you down in a fit of desperation. Doesn't sound very thought-out at all, you could probably stall for time if you wanted to check if his behavior changed/browse options in online dating/etc.

Is it the case that most of your relationships have been/are abusive? Might be worth looking into why that happens, as well (if there's any explanation aside from probabilities/culture/etc).

Sorry about all of this, btw. My posts when I try to help can come across as "just do X and Y, bro, EZ", not at all what I actually think.

 

[settheory]

Maybe you should think about it for at least a month and tell him to do the same, if not outright reject it. If he really loves you, he would understand. Such quick, impulsive decisions rarely lead to anything good, especially on something as big and consequential as marriage.

 

[Sherri]

Im on the same boat, been dating my bf for a year, and I'm so afraid he asks me to marry him, his mum already let a few small hints. I dunno what I will say. I love him back, he's my best friend. But im so independent, I like my moments alone like now. I'm mostly afraid of being with someone for 24 hours. I wish you good luck, and of course think this well through.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It sounds a bit like a cornering/isolating move tbh. If someone hasn't treated you all that awesomely in the past, the future doesn't bode well. Some dudes want to "lock in" their woman before they look elsewhere, often because they themselves feel insecure/inferior. He may feel that you are already alone due to illness and can have you all to himself.

Sorry if this is super negative. I may be way off base. I guess I am just getting more cynical the older I get.

 

[OrcWitch]

I don't know your history with him but usually people live together a while before getting married which exposes all the difficulties of being around someone all the time. This sounds like an unstable/impulsive move on his part and like he's going to be trouble down the line.

 

[motel rooms]

He's an abusive, manipulative asshole, a repeat offender, & it's highly unlikely he's ever gonna change, but this:

I also appreciate the complexity of your circumstances and your reliance on others due to your conditions. I understand that you are in an impossible position, that you need the support of others to survive.

 

[Sunset Limited]

It must be difficult to decide. However, only you can make the right decision. I wish you best.