Venting Tired

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Just tired of life.
I just feel trapped. Like I wake up everyday and just prolong the inevitable, I have no reason to stay. My best friend died by suicide in August so that gives me to hope to join them. I'm constantly worried about failing other people's expectations and being perfect. I mask my autism. I mask how I truly feel. I know that CTB will make me happy, It will give me freedom but I am scared of failing it because my last attempt I failed and my family hated me for it, so worried that's going to happen again. I don't know if it's possible to be too depressed to CTB. And how to not worry about failing. I just spend my days doing risky things.
Everytime I try and fix my life, it goes to shit again so it shows life isn't for everyone.
I just needed to vent before I go to bed.

 

[Hunter100]

Feel free to vent here all you want. You can also PM me if you'd like.

 

[noctiva]

Hei @Sad_Autistic_boy_101, I hear your pain and can empathize. At this point, I have the same feeling waking up in the morning, cursing that.. well, that I woke up again. I have no reason to stay and I just feel like I'm procrastinating my own death. The outside pressure to be perfect and, even if you don't feel like it, still show your happy, sociable face and make everyone feel good... I had to drop it a week ago. I didn't have the energy anymore to keep pretending. I'm not on medical leave until the 9th of December, officially, but I don't think I will go back.
Fixing my life... I tried, again and again and again. I'm 33 now, so I've tried a lot, for a long time. With therapy, without therapy, with drugs, without drugs.. I don't think it has made any difference for me. It's a constant uphill struggle and I feel I have no chance to win that battle.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way too, I wish you didn't have to experience any of these feelings. It is difficult to live, but it seems equally difficult to die. If you need a sympathetic ear, please feel free to PM me. Take care and be kind to yourself, you deserve to feel valued and appreciated as well.

 

[angele]

I too mask my autism, I was pressured and manipulated into doing so from an early age. It's nearly impossible to reconnect with my autistic self because of how society treats us for being different.
I'm sorry about your friend, I can't imagine what you're feeling. I would want to do the same.
it seems we have similar issues and you're welcome to message me anytime, if you want someone to kill the loneliness for a little while. I wish you the best <3

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Thanks everyone for your kind messages really means a lot when no one in the real world understands or can sympathise.

 

[mediocre]

Feel the same I am mentally and physically exhausted. I just want a way out. I don't know what your story is but I also have autism (aspergers) and if you ever want to talk to me you can.