tired of waiting

[medicinenightmares]

I'm planning on ctbing the SN route. I have the Tagamet, I'm just waiting on the domperidone and SN to come in the mail. I ordered them a month ago, so they're due in the mail in the next couple of weeks, but I'm fucking sick of waiting. I just want to be gone from this existence.

Suicidality is really high tonight, so I took 20 extra strength tylenol just to feel something. Yes, I know it's not going to kill me, probably just make me throw up, so please save me the lecture. I just needed to do something, you know?

I can't fucking bare the thought of going to work tomorrow, I'm just so done.

 

[GinaIsReady]

You are not alone.

 

[fisil]

can't you visit doctor and he writes you free from work? Maybe order again or from different source. SN is really cheap should be no problem.
I am not sure domperidone is good enough.
Meto is better for sure.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Totally relating to that feeling of urgency. Is it possible for you to get in to see a doctor - any doctor will do - and say that you're getting bad nausea, vomiting, and acid reflux. Ask for a script for an antacid (which you won't actually buy) and meto to control nausea. The doctor won't think twice. They may give you a referral for an ultrasound for liver or gall bladder stuff for the fake symptoms you reported.

Again, I completely understand the feeling of urgency. Do what you need to do - but don't forget to be smart about it. If you need to ride out another 24hrs or whatever to get what you need, that's okay. You can do 24 hours. You've done your entire life so far, one more day to get organised can mean the difference between successfully CTB, getting committed to a psych unit, ending up ICU, or any combination of those.

Be smart. Be patient. Get it right.

Sending compassion and kindness!

 

[Dreamcolleger]

You're not alone. It'll be worth it in the end I think.

 

[pillsandstep2]

i totally feel you.. got into a fight with my BF last night. boy if i had the SN with me i would definitely have CTB yesterday night. the pain the the heart helps to muster the courage and not give a F about everything else. my SN is due to arrive this week. i honestly can't wait and keep hitting refresh on the tracking page. i am tempted to just jump off a building because i'm sick of waiting. hopefully it doesn't come to that.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry, @medicinenightmares. I wish the world were a better fit for you and that you weren't so uncomfortable. "The lecture" is just concern for you - I don't want you to do things that will only make your situation worse. But ok.
Please be careful and gentle with yourself. You too, @pillsandstep2

 

[medicinenightmares]

can't you visit doctor and he writes you free from work? Maybe order again or from different source. SN is really cheap should be no problem.
I am not sure domperidone is good enough.
Meto is better for sure.

I can't afford to miss anymore work bc I'm in a really tough spot financially. I spent a lot of time looking online to buy meto, but couldn't find it anywhere. I read that domperidone should be okay, better than nothing.
Thank you all for being so kind. It really means a lot. There's literally no one else in my life I can talk to about this kind of stuff without raising suspicions or getting sent to the hospital. I am grateful for this community of people who actually get it.