Venting Tired and possibly trying tomorrow

[DyingFlower]

I've been lurking for awhile and only now have I decided to finally make an account.
I'd just like someone to hear what I'm saying and not tell me "just go see a therapist" as if it's free or even affordable really.

I'm just so tired. It feels like even if I did get better what would there be after? I have zero motivation. I'm stuck in a job I hate,I hate my apartment , I hate how I look, I hate the shitty excuse of a town I live in and I hate that this is all its gonna be for my pathetic life. I'm surrounded by failed adults and mistreated children it's a place to live but the slums start to look uglier the older you get, and with the housing economy being so shit it's likely the only place I'll be be able to afford.

I have maybe two friends but even then they're more like internet friends, they have established friend groups in college happy life careers everyone else has it figured out. I'm very jealous of them, but I know that deep inside I'm not someone has the right to be. I push everyone away I'm not good person, I'm not stable mentally I don't have redeeming qualities.

So tomorrow morning I plan on leaving my house earlier than usual tomorrow at about 4 am and jumping, there is a five floor, parking deck near where I live it's really the only tall building I can really get into. I'll feel bad for my mom,dad, siblings but it's not like I've been secretive about my problems so I guess when I go they'll know why.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much and I hope you can find pesce someday but PLEASE don't jump from there. It is not nearly tall enough for jumping from and there's a high chance you'll fail and end up disabled.

I know researching about an alternative method would cause you to live longer, inducing further suffering but please take my advice and possibly many more members' advice and don't jump from there.

 

[Blue Elephant]

@DyingFlower I feel bad for you. I'm sorry about what you're going through. : (

I agree with the cat though, I think five floors is too low. It is better to take a step back and carefully think about what you can do and how you can do it best. Falling from there would (most probably) only cause more pain. You don't want that, you have enough.

edit: We're here if you need to talk, if you need support or information.

 

[DyingFlower]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much and I hope you can find pesce someday but PLEASE don't jump from there. It is not nearly tall enough for jumping from and there's a high chance you'll fail and end up disabled.

I know researching about an alternative method would cause you to live longer, inducing further suffering but please take my advice and possibly many more members' advice and don't jump from there

I'm sorry you're suffering so much and I hope you can find pesce someday but PLEASE don't jump from there. It is not nearly tall enough for jumping from and there's a high chance you'll fail and end up disabled.

I know researching about an alternative method would cause you to live longer, inducing further suffering but please take my advice and possibly many more members' advice and don't jump from there.

I was kinda thinking it wasn't high enough but there really aren't any high buildings that aren't apartment complexes and you need a key card to get in

@DyingFlower I feel bad for you. I'm sorry about what you're going through. : (

I agree with the cat though, I think five floors is too low. It is better to take a step back and carefully think about what you can do and how you can do it best. Falling from there would (most probably) only cause more pain. You don't want that, you have enough.

edit: We're here if you need to talk, if you need support or information.

I appreciate that I realize that it's not gonna be that easy Im not gonna be able to go as soon as i want too without some kind of plan. I wish someone else could just take me out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this existence, it's so cruel and dreadful how people cannot just easily die in peace when they wish to. I agree that it doesn't sound high enough but anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.