Method Time has run out let's play is there a god

[Jai]

Not going to bore anyone with the personal strife I've been through in my life all I'll say the last four years have been a living nightmare no matter what if I can get shit on I do if it can go wrong it will I've been waiting out for a break but it's not coming .

Most of my life I've been a good caring person and a loving father after my unexpected divorce it really went down hill at lightning speed I lost the divorce massively and most of my assets.
I had a breakdown couldn't accept after almost two decades with the love of my life I was thrown to the curb.
I fell into a major depressive state of mind and took alcohol to a whole other level.

Needless to say that put me on a dark path and I started to become a person nobody wanted to be around
I would be unkind to sr angers and even people I had known a lifetime I became angry and blamed the world for my woes. .

No matter what I do I just have a string of bad luck and circumstances even with the best of intentions and I'm done with it all the straw that broke the camels back recently which has confirmed my commitment to CTB with no fear in my method ( firearm isolated away from anybody ) it was my birthday not long back and I received no messages or FaceTime or cards or photos from/of my children as my ex wife hates me now even though I worshipped the ground she walked on, she had no worries sending Halloween photos to everybody but me.

So if now she decides I'm not worthy to speak to my children then I have nothing left so I'm finally done and accept my path to the other whatever it is.

So I'm going to MI one of my favorite states I'm going to spend time with the last few people I love have a massive piss up eat great food get laid ( sorry lads I've still got my thick northern british accent which those mid west girls get weak at the knees for ) then collect my thoughts go through my blessings and regrets drive to the upper peninsula in the isolated wild drink a whole bottle of my favorite liquor cry at my regrets and what could of been then I'll do the deed either .40 or .45 and lay my worthless carcass into either Lake superior michigan or huron..

I've a plan to make it look like I've disappeared but it has flaws this will happen before Xmas
I can't take the holidays it was my favorite time of year,. Only divine intervention can stop me sadly I will break my children's hearts hopefully I pull off the houdini act and they think I'm a deadbeat who left them not thinking I didn't love them enough to push on and be with them through life. The other hurtful thing that will happen is I might really hurt/destroy emotionally a woman I've been with a year she is fantastic and told me she loves but I'm afraid my pain outweighs that I'm not being cruel I'm sure many here can understand.

If there is a God would he give a chancer an hour to sing for his soul.
If

 

[hunter_lewis]

There are other women out there who are kind and right in their hearts, not like your ex. Obviously it is up to you, however your ctb will definitely impact your kids.
If there is absolutely no way out, then do it. But if there is a little hope left, maybe not now?

 

[Empty RN]

I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do. It sounds like you have someone in your life that truly cares for you but I know for myself it doesn't matter how many people care when you feel a vast void and emptyness inside

 

[Jai]

I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do. It sounds like you have someone in your life that truly cares for you but I know for myself it doesn't matter how many people care when you feel a vast void and emptyness inside

Understand both of you clearly the void is truly a nightmare RN ,the only drawback to my plan here is I would have to 'borrow' (steal) a firearm from a family member who has no idea about my thoughts and trusts me contemplating his reaction in the aftermath