Hello everyone , I just want to start by thanking everyone here and especially the people who created this forum for allowing us a place to talk about our thoughts without filter, this place made the few last weeks more bearable and I got to read about so many different views and stories , I don't usually write out my thoughts in replies but I have cried for some of your stories and I silently cheered for the people recovering in the recovery section.
My life felt like constant chase and fight so I got a huge feeling of relief when I finally gave up on this rat race. these past few weeks were the most stress-free I've felt in a long time , I got to play some video games and I got a lot of delicious food without worrying about calories or price; I also finally found the time to research and think about topics that interested me; I wasn't able to do that before letting go because I was constantly tired and stressed to think about anything outside of what needed to be solved.
I'm really glad I was able to finally let all of it go ; it's so funny ... we think so much about our own lives but even after I turned away from everyone, not much has changed in their lives, the world will go on and their lives will go on. my one regret is getting my parents to believe in me and send me / pay for university in a first world country , they weren't even expecting me to pay them back but I still really wanted to, I hoped to be able to graduate and buy them things that they would enjoy, they sacrificed so much to raise us; I'm so sorry mom and dad I really tried but I couldn't handle the stress from studies ,worrying about permit regulations and social anxiety.
I also felt really empty during my internship to the point that I had to face the reality that I was still miserable even after having a good job and money, I got so socially anxious that I could never form meaningful connections, I always said if given the opportunity I would probably make friends , but a moment I'll never forget was when I was in a car with my co-workers going for a dinner and everyone was talking and having fun, I couldn't even say anything , I had words in my mind but I was second guessing everything it was so pathetic.
I also found out that I might not qualify for a work permit after graduating which meant all of that effort was for nothing , this completely erased any motivation I had left to study to the point that I failed all my courses last semester. anyway it was a relief to finally give up, like I said I was really happy these last few weeks.
I also have to thank @MeltingHeart for answering some of my questions, I hope your passing was peaceful, I don't know how to explain but I felt like you were a good person through your messages . I regret not posting in your goodbye thread but again my social anxiety got the better of me and I felt like we didn't talk enough for me to post a genuine comment there.
in any case enough mushy talk , what's important is documenting the experience for other people to check to alleviate fears.:
***I'm following Stan's guide ( Stan's Guide ) and the 48 hour regimen: I got my ingredients off the internet marketplace and sources mentioned in the peaceful pill handbook december 2019 edition in the lethal inorganic salts section , the source they mention for propranolol is good for other types of medication like anti-emetics, you can be sure at least that the anti emetics will get through customs in Canada because I ordered mine and they went through customs and got sent to me.
- for the antiemetic I'm using metoclopramide ( recommended dose in the guide)
- for antacids I'll be using tums ( double dose of what is recommended on the label), let me know if tums isn't ok. thanks.
- for pain killers I'll be using ibuprofen ( 600 mg dose )
- I won't be using a beta blocker, it only serves to eliminate a faster heart rate
- I won't be using sedatives, according to stan it's to help with any panic / anxiety you might get during the event , thankfully most of my anxiety is social and not mortal .
- SN drink ( 35 mg of SN in 50 - 100 ml water ) I'm using 35 instead of 25 Because I'm around a 200 pounds (90-93 kg) male so I just want to be sure , I'm ok with a salty taste as I'm used to sometimes drinking baking soda dissolved in water to help with acid reflux
the table in stan's guide is the timeline I'm following , with the fast starting 8 hours before the SN drink , and stopping water intake 2 hours before the SN drink.
I have already taken the first metclopramide pill , feels perfectly fine.
let me share a small animated story that I like , in the story I interpret the fairy to be life " deceitfully pretty " , and the forest as the uncaring embrace of death:
and 2 songs that I really liked :
the second one is french , the lyrics are beautiful, you can find the English lyrics by googling them
My life felt like constant chase and fight so I got a huge feeling of relief when I finally gave up on this rat race. these past few weeks were the most stress-free I've felt in a long time , I got to play some video games and I got a lot of delicious food without worrying about calories or price; I also finally found the time to research and think about topics that interested me; I wasn't able to do that before letting go because I was constantly tired and stressed to think about anything outside of what needed to be solved.
I'm really glad I was able to finally let all of it go ; it's so funny ... we think so much about our own lives but even after I turned away from everyone, not much has changed in their lives, the world will go on and their lives will go on. my one regret is getting my parents to believe in me and send me / pay for university in a first world country , they weren't even expecting me to pay them back but I still really wanted to, I hoped to be able to graduate and buy them things that they would enjoy, they sacrificed so much to raise us; I'm so sorry mom and dad I really tried but I couldn't handle the stress from studies ,worrying about permit regulations and social anxiety.
I also felt really empty during my internship to the point that I had to face the reality that I was still miserable even after having a good job and money, I got so socially anxious that I could never form meaningful connections, I always said if given the opportunity I would probably make friends , but a moment I'll never forget was when I was in a car with my co-workers going for a dinner and everyone was talking and having fun, I couldn't even say anything , I had words in my mind but I was second guessing everything it was so pathetic.
I also found out that I might not qualify for a work permit after graduating which meant all of that effort was for nothing , this completely erased any motivation I had left to study to the point that I failed all my courses last semester. anyway it was a relief to finally give up, like I said I was really happy these last few weeks.
I also have to thank @MeltingHeart for answering some of my questions, I hope your passing was peaceful, I don't know how to explain but I felt like you were a good person through your messages . I regret not posting in your goodbye thread but again my social anxiety got the better of me and I felt like we didn't talk enough for me to post a genuine comment there.
in any case enough mushy talk , what's important is documenting the experience for other people to check to alleviate fears.:
***I'm following Stan's guide ( Stan's Guide ) and the 48 hour regimen: I got my ingredients off the internet marketplace and sources mentioned in the peaceful pill handbook december 2019 edition in the lethal inorganic salts section , the source they mention for propranolol is good for other types of medication like anti-emetics, you can be sure at least that the anti emetics will get through customs in Canada because I ordered mine and they went through customs and got sent to me.
- for the antiemetic I'm using metoclopramide ( recommended dose in the guide)
- for antacids I'll be using tums ( double dose of what is recommended on the label), let me know if tums isn't ok. thanks.
- for pain killers I'll be using ibuprofen ( 600 mg dose )
- I won't be using a beta blocker, it only serves to eliminate a faster heart rate
- I won't be using sedatives, according to stan it's to help with any panic / anxiety you might get during the event , thankfully most of my anxiety is social and not mortal .
- SN drink ( 35 mg of SN in 50 - 100 ml water ) I'm using 35 instead of 25 Because I'm around a 200 pounds (90-93 kg) male so I just want to be sure , I'm ok with a salty taste as I'm used to sometimes drinking baking soda dissolved in water to help with acid reflux
the table in stan's guide is the timeline I'm following , with the fast starting 8 hours before the SN drink , and stopping water intake 2 hours before the SN drink.
I have already taken the first metclopramide pill , feels perfectly fine.
let me share a small animated story that I like , in the story I interpret the fairy to be life " deceitfully pretty " , and the forest as the uncaring embrace of death:
and 2 songs that I really liked :
the second one is french , the lyrics are beautiful, you can find the English lyrics by googling them
