Ardesevent
It’s the end of the line, cowboy
- Feb 2, 2020
- 358
The last time I attempted suicide was a impulsive overdose 3 months ago. It was a dumb idea and ended just as you expect it did. Since then, my life has only gone further down the gutter. My social anxiety now prevents me from leaving the house almost completely, I can't tell whether some things are happening or not, and I've started to have full on breakdowns and cry when I think about my future after college. Yet I still haven't attempted in months. It's the longest I've gone for months.
I have no idea why, but the last few months have just whooshed by. I'm clearly not having fun, I'm wondering if it feels that way just because of my fear of the future, or if it's just to spite me for still being alive and not taking a way out yet. I have the time and some access to methods, but I just can't do it right now.
I still want to die. Every morning I wake up and hate myself a bit, and wish my brains were splattered on the side of the pavement instead. I hate being like this. It feels like I'm wasting my own time just by existing.
I have no idea why, but the last few months have just whooshed by. I'm clearly not having fun, I'm wondering if it feels that way just because of my fear of the future, or if it's just to spite me for still being alive and not taking a way out yet. I have the time and some access to methods, but I just can't do it right now.
I still want to die. Every morning I wake up and hate myself a bit, and wish my brains were splattered on the side of the pavement instead. I hate being like this. It feels like I'm wasting my own time just by existing.