Discussion Thoughts on pushing friends/ family away when it’s close to CTB to lessen pain?

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

Would you/ are you going to do this? Why or why not?

 

[AutoTap]

Might have the opposite effect as they'll be like why didn't I notice the sign or I should have spent more time, etc, etc. hope this makes sense.

 

[degeneratewaste]

I wouldn't do this. if they are close enough friends or family members, it doesn't matter how much you try to push them away, they will still feel horrible when you die. you could cut them off completely and they would still feel shit. or, they could end up feeling worse, since they would blame themselves for not picking up on you pushing them away; or further still, they could notice and get more suspicious of you. easier to just pretend because they will question themselves anyways.

 

[Ghost2211]

Pushing people away before you ctb might make them feel like they failed you or could have done more. I don't think it will make it any easier on them, and might bring unwanted attention to your emotional state.

 

[ecmnesia]

to lessen yours or their pain?

I've been doing this with friends since i decided to ctb, but quarantine helped. Can't do it with my family tho cause we live together, and i wouldn't recommend it anyway. Would probably be suspicious.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

to lessen yours or their pain?

I've been doing this with friends since i decided to ctb, but quarantine helped. Can't do it with my family tho cause we live together, and i wouldn't recommend it anyway. Would probably be suspicious.

To lessen their pain. I know my death will be pretty shocking because i'm known to be very lively (ironic). I may also be doing it so they won't have the need to check up on me/ think of me. I can't be saved this time. It seems to be working so far :/
@AutoTap @degeneratewaste @RoseyBird
I can see why it may bring unwanted attention, but honestly nobody has said anything about it. Ig it seems a bit redundant because they'll feel pain nevertheless. Perhaps to dull down my pain as well, knowing what I am doing and how it can affect others.

 

[notMyRealName]

Personally i would tell them not to blame themselves indirectly without raising any alarms and/or leave them a note so they could eventually have some closure but i don't think pushing them away will make things any easier for them

 

[stygal]

In my opinion the best thing you could do is explain yourself to them and really go in-depth about your reasons if you feel like it would hurt them to witness your ctb.
It's what I'm planning on doing and other than that I will just continue to treat them as normal (so they won't get suspicious or something).

 

[Deleted member 23374]

I've been distancing over the last two years or so.
Absence makes the heart forget i think.

 

[Merlay]

I've been doing this to my friends since last year. Rejecting them whenever they invite me on some occasion. Stopped responding to their messages. But, whether you push them away or not, whether you did it just to lessen the pain, there will still be pain. No matter how much or less, the pain is still there. It's okay to reach out, to spill out your thoughts. If they can't understand you or don't even try to see things your way, it's okay. At least you tried and you gave them the chance to listen. That's for me.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

In my opinion the best thing you could do is explain yourself to them and really go in-depth about your reasons if you feel like it would hurt them to witness your ctb.
It's what I'm planning on doing and other than that I will just continue to treat them as normal (so they won't get suspicious or something).

To clarify, do you mean explain to them before or after CTB? Personally I don't think discussing to them at all will ever make them understand. I can try when I make my goodbye video, but they'll never get it :( Looking at it now, I suppose the pain is inevitable.

 

[stygal]

To clarify, do you mean explain to them before or after CTB? Personally I don't think discussing to them at all will ever make them understand. I can try when I make my goodbye video, but they'll never get it :( Looking at it now, I suppose the pain is inevitable.

I will write a letter for every person that still means something to me to open after I'm gone. Of course they will feel pain but somehow I believe, if they liked me as much as I think they do, they'll try to understand. I am also lucky to be in a very understanding family/friend circle who wont start something like fixthe26.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

I've been doing this to my friends since last year. Rejecting them whenever they invite me on some occasion. Stopped responding to their messages. But, whether you push them away or not, whether you did it just to lessen the pain, there will still be pain. No matter how much or less, the pain is still there. It's okay to reach out, to spill out your thoughts. If they can't understand you or don't even try to see things your way, it's okay. At least you tried and you gave them the chance to listen. That's for me.

My heart goes out to you. I also agree that it's imperative to at least try to reach out. Sadly, no matter how many opportunities I give for them to listen, nothing really comes of it. I guess that's alright, in the end I have nothing to prove. I'm sorry you have to push your friends away, I have also started to reject invitations and started ignoring messages. If your experience is anything like mine, it really hurts and I sympathize. Thank you for your input it was very enlightening

I will write a letter for every person that still means something to me to open after I'm gone. Of course they will feel pain but somehow I believe, if they liked me as much as I think they do, they'll try to understand. I am also lucky to be in a very understanding family/friend circle who wont start something like fixthe26.

I understand what you mean. I am going to do something similar as well and hope they understand. I hope they don't blame this site though. Unfortunately, my family/friends aren't as understanding :/

 

[heliumornitrogen]

I think I´m probably doing that already. I´m avoiding my Dad and step Mum and they are beginning to notice that and have started questioning me. I´m going to see them next week and I am seriously thinking of telling them what I plan to do, not for a cry for help, but because I´m finding it increasingly difficult to keep up the pretence, and having to join in the irrelevant chit chat that I could really care less about. I guess they the professionals would describe me as "becoming increasing disconnected" lol

 

[Jean Améry]

No, I probably won't but I don't intend to end my life anytime soon as I still have things to do. I do see it as probable that one day I'll end my life instead of waiting out my days. Especially when I have achieved what I wanted to achieve and life doesn't seem agreeable and meaningful anymore.

My guess would be that they'd see it as a cry for help they ignored. If anything it might make them feel more guilty but of course this is just my subjective view.

On another note: pulling away from family and friends is a classic red flag for suicide so they might start to suspect something is up and badger you (even) more.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

I think I´m probably doing that already. I´m avoiding my Dad and step Mum and they are beginning to notice that and have started questioning me. I´m going to see them next week and I am seriously thinking of telling them what I plan to do, not for a cry for help, but because I´m finding it increasingly difficult to keep up the pretence, and having to join in the irrelevant chit chat that I could really care less about. I guess they the professionals would describe me as "becoming increasing disconnected" lol

I'm not sure if telling them will make them back off honestly, it might do the opposite . But I wish you good luck whatever you choose to do

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This is what I'm trying to do with my friends since I know it probably wouldn't work on my family.

The nice thing about California being full of virtue signalers is that if you break those virtues long enough people will disown you enough entirely that your death will actually bring them happiness.

I know this because friends have been cast off from my group for smaller things and people still admit that they wouldn't care if those friends died which is good news for me. The problem is I can't be too obvious about it though or their fake empathy will drive them to want to save me so I'm making sure to build this up over the next few years.

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

This is what I'm trying to do with my friends since I know it probably wouldn't work on my family.

The nice thing about California being full of virtue signalers is that if you break those virtues long enough people will disown you enough entirely that your death will actually bring them happiness.

I know this because friends have been cast off from my group for smaller things and people still admit that they wouldn't care if those friends died which is good news for me. The problem is I can't be too obvious about it though or their fake empathy will drive them to want to save me so I'm making sure to build this up over the next few years.

It sounds like it's hard to make solid friends in Cali. Why not find people who aren't like that?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It sounds like it's hard to make solid friends in Cali. Why not find people who aren't like that?

I mean other than not sharing certain views, I get along pretty well with my friends through shared interests, plus they're still fun to be around and they're supportive to a small extent. I don't think I can do any better than them if I tried even though they don't accept that they're hypocritical about the fact that I'm a terrible person. I'm done trying to find regular friends though. I have too many and I've taken all the value I can from such relationships while they've taken a lot from me too. I'm not resentful about this fact though, more bored by it.

 

[Predestinated]

it sounds weird, but sometimes I wish I had no family or friends. Dying without hurting anyone is freedom

 

[k75]

I totally understand the urge. I'm really bad about withdrawing and isolating. But if they care about you, it's not going to make them feel better. It might actually make things worse. It's impossible to speak for anyone, of course, but there's a huge chance they'll be left with regrets about not trying harder to reach out, letting time slip away, wondering if they could have done anything to help you. You'd also be wasting opportunities to have good final experiences, which you might enjoy and would create nice last memories for them.

I posted in another thread about an old boyfriend of mine who killed himself. We hadn't spoken in years and I went for long periods without even thinking about him, but there was kind of a comfort knowing he existed somewhere in the world. After I found out he was gone, it hit me really hard. I had (and honestly still have) so much guilt for taking it for granted that he'd always be there.

 

[heliumornitrogen]

I'm not sure if telling them will make them back off honestly, it might do the opposite . But I wish you good luck whatever you choose to do

Yeah, you could be right.

 

[LastFlowers]

No need. They took care of most of that for me.